Random Tuesday Thoughts (Resurrected)

I'm home sick today. Sick! In the middle of summer! FUCKING UNACCEPTABLE. There are a very limited number of days in this part of the country where one can actually enjoy being outside, without freezing to death or getting blown away or coating oneself in industrial-grade bug spray. Summer owns the bulk of those days, so to be sick during the summer is a crime against humanity, really.

Today is not actually one of those days, though. It's pouring rain and there are tornado warnings. So I guess I'll stop being melodramatic. Ahem.

I forgot when I pledged to write a 'book' in July that there was going to be an entire week where I just opted out of life.

Okay, it was vacation. I went on vacation. Just shut up and let me be melodramatic, ok?

We go to Clear Lake every year and do nothing. Well, not nothing. Hiking and swimming and drinking and eating. Mostly those last two. (Seriously, there's a ridiculous amount of eating.) Writing isn't on the official list of Nothing, so it's coming along a little slower than planned, but I'm not bailing out on it like I bail out on everything else.


We don't watch real TV in the UnMom household. We watch Netflix and movies and YouTube, and play a gross amount of video games, but no actual TV with actual commercial breaks. Except when we go to Clear Lake, where there is no WiFi and my poor 7 year old is forced to watch peasant-vision. (I have to put the 'un' in 'UnMom' somehow.) It's spooky how after a couple of days, he's wanting to visit "Sleep Country" and chiding us for not "taking out life insurance" or purchasing some kind of ear wax remover thing. Like, he is solidly committed to those products and how they'll improve our lives if we just buy them, mom, we should just buy them. How did our own parents ever survive the onslaught?

Pluto has a TAIL, you guys!

This is fun. I forgot how much fun verbal diarrhea is!

I never spell that word right the first time. Ever.

Annnnd now I need a nap. It's hard to believe that once upon a time I did this every Tuesday. Stacey still does, so you should go give her kudos.

So long, and thanks for all the fish: Random Tuesday Thoughts

It’s Tuesday!  My favorite day of the week, and yours!

(If it’s not yours, just lie and tell me it is.  Then tell me I’m pretty.)


When nerds collide:

Me: “I think I’m going to get the hairdresser to leave the grey stripe in my hair.”

Alfred: “’Rogue’-ing it out?  Are you going to start calling me ‘shugah’?  Should I start calling you chere?”

Me: “No…without the Cajun accent, it just sounds like you’re calling me Cher, and that’s weird.”

Both: “If I could ttuuurrrn baacck ttiime!

The beautiful Naomi from featured me on SheKnows’ Daily Delights as one of the Top 10 Humor Blogs.  I know, I’m worried about her mind a little too.  Maybe we should take up a collection or…drop off a casserole or something.

We had some horrible illness roll through the UnMom household this past week that I became convinced was strep, so at one point I broke out the penicillin I had laying around hoarded for the zombie apocalypse.  I didn’t mention it to Alfred and suggested he go to the medi clinic to get his own.

Sadly, I think that’s fairly predictive of how I will actually behave when the zombies arrive.

Oh, don’t get all altruistic on me.  You’ll throw yours under the bus when the shit comes down too.

Watching married people flirt (with people they’re not married to) continuously on Twitter is like reading a description of a slow-motion train wreck, one sentence every 5 minutes.

Also, it makes me want to barf.

The Star Trek theme played on a musical saw.

I just gave my stupid fucking dog the Heimlich.  Jeebus.  She’s a garbage disposal, I don’t even know what she was choking on.  She coughed it up AND THEN ATE IT AGAIN.

Note to self: Asking choking dog “Can you breathe?” and “Are you choking?” repeatedly is unlikely to get you a reply.  Not only is she choking, but she's a DOG.  

And now, to be totally random, I’m announcing the hiatus of Random Tuesday Thoughts. 

No, I’m not kidding. 

It’s not you, it’s me.

*cue cheesy montage film and RTT and I during better times*

*swell of music*

*fade to black with last piano notes*

Since it’s the last one for a while, you should visit all the other linkers.  There are some fantastic blogs out there and I’ve been honored to host for some of them every Tuesday.  Or you could go back to where it all began.

Random up, y’all!

Oh, there was some stuff and some things and some links to distract you from my lack of clever: Random Tuesday Thoughts


So, it’s been kind of a week, huh?  I kinda had a little breakdown there but I’m feeling much better.  I recommend one every 6 weeks or so, whether you need it or not.  It’s cathartic and sometimes you lose weight.

And then Japan happened.  Oh, Japan…I don’t even know what to say.  Mother Earth is such a bitch.

So with that healthy dose of shit-flavored Perspective Medicine, let’s have a few random inane thoughts, shall we?

I forwarded this “romantic” Batman-themed hotel room (that you can rent for, ahem, 3 hours at a time) to Alfred.  Then a (male) friend of ours shared the same link on Alfred’s FB wall.  Um…awkward?

Men Without Hats is coming here in June.  They’re Alfred’s favorite 80s One Hit Wonder, so much so, in fact, that ALL their songs are now “hits” as far as he’s concerned.  This household is well-versed in Men Without Hats.  Their show coincides with Alfred’s birthday, so he’s organized a bunch of friends to attend.

During their relevant period, he (and I) actually listened only to metal (if you count White Lion as metal, in my case.  Which he doesn’t. BUT I DO).  So if you didn’t like it the first time around, does that make a person retro-chic?  Or are you still just Old?

I think I revealed far too much of my younger self in that paragraph.

I called H&R Block last week to see if I needed an appointment to get my taxes done.  “No, it should be fine,” they told me.  “Even if mine are a wee bit complicated?” I clarified. “Oh, no, you don’t need an appointment, you can just come in.”

So I went there today.

“We’re very busy,” they apologized.  “You’ll have to make an appointment.  It’s tax season.


I had this idea once:


…except with entire sleepers for babies that are in the crawling phase.

It’s called MULTI-TASKING.  (via nedhardy.com)

Identify with any of these?

Do you guys have one of those friends on FB who you used to know, like 20 years ago, and you know they still live in your city, and you see them every once in a while and you’re fairly certain it’s them but when you’re close enough to actually make eye contact, they totally go out of their way to avoid it?

Do you ever wonder if the friend is asking their friends the same damn question?

Now gather round, like moths to a flame, and share your own Random Thoughts. 

I blame the economy: Random Tuesday Thoughts


Yay!  It’s Tuesday!  You know what that means, right? 

It means I’m not posting pictures of my grey silver hair!

It also means it’s time for Random Tuesday Thoughts.  If you’re new, it’s pretty self-explanatory.  We all post our thoughts, which are random, today, which is Tuesday.  Then I think you have to leave your webbylink or something technical like that.  Also, show some community spirit and go visit other people fumbling around this wild wild west that is the internet.

(People that are participating in the random thoughts, that is.  Just to be clear.)

Shall we?

So, I didn’t get that job.  I’m pretty bummed about it.  It was an actual social media job, you guys.  They do exist!

I’m self-medicating to get over the disappointment.  I don’t have any wine in the house, but I do have an entire chocolate cake.  Well, half of one.  Now.

The exciting part is that I was told my social media “credentials” more than passed muster.  So now I have carte blanche to market myself as a “social media maven”. 

If I can figure out a way to say “social media maven” without sounding like a complete asshat, that is.

I also went to a career fair this morning.  Because, y’know, the root canal people were all booked up.

I think the most annoying thing about job hunting is the time it sucks out of my life.  I could be doodling or twittering or whittling or…something else that sounds vaguely pornographic.

On that note, someone who ‘discovered’ my site on StumbleUpon categorized it as pornography.  Wasn’t that nice of them?  It’s only been categorized that way for…oh…two years.

My thoughts aren’t all that random this week.  Here’s a pirate-ship-themed bedroom, which I obviously must now possess.  (Right after I get a better job to pay for it.)(Ooops, so much for random.)

Speaking of social media asshats mavens, I am now also on Tumblr.  Because obviously I don’t have enough to do.  And, because I have a vendetta against superfluous “E”s, you can also befriend me on Flickr.

I think that’s about as social as I’ll get for a while.

But if you want to make friends, RTT’s where it at!  Random up!

The leftover Mini-Pops go to the chicken zombies: Random Tuesday Thoughts

Let’s get ready to rrraaaaaaaaaaaannnndddddddoooomm!

Well, are you ready?  Do you know what to do?  Don’t look at me, I took advantage of your momentary confusion to get a head start.  I’m competitive that way.

Me: “What do you think happens to Mini-Pops when they’re too old to be Mini-Pops?  You’d think at least one of them would go on to fame and fortune, or something.”

Alfred: “Soylent Green.  They’re fuel for the next generation of Mini-Pops.”

(UPDATED: I can't believe y'all don't know what the Mini Pops are.  I desperately wanted their albums when I was a kid; I don't know why I didn't just get the ORIGINAL music, but whatevs.  Here:  http://www.minipopkids.com/mpk6.php )

I’ve blocked four IP addresses from that John Rambo guy who keeps trying to get me to boycott American Women.  I’m telling you, I’VE TRIED, I just can’t quit you guys.

How the zombie plague will really get started. (Because, well, that WOULD totally be hilarious.)

I have a job interview for a job that I reeeeeaaaalllly want this week.  Send me good vibes, and maybe it will help me to not vomit.  Or at least not vomit at a really inopportune time.

My laptop is back and virus-free, yay!  And fully functional.  Other than that missing software.  And…the charge cord they claimed they didn’t have, so I had to buy a new one. For $120.

But they completely forgot to charge me the $190 for the virus removal, so I guess I’m ahead of the game.

You know, I can’t say as I’d recommend the Geek Squad.

And now, before the time bomb they planted explodes, I think I’ll be done.

Got a random post?  Link it up!

The virus masquerading as anti-virus software is about as meta as a blog post about how my life without the internet sucks: Random Tuesday Thoughts

Happy Frozen Tuesday.  Seriously, it's effing cold here.

So after a successful 20 years of computing history without encountering any major virus, my laptop has been laid waste.  While innocently perusing porn a blog post, urgent messages suddenly popped up informing me that my computer was infected! with viruses! and trojan horses! and possibly syphilis! DOOOOM AND DESPAIIIIRR!  And all I had to do to make them go away was enter my credit card number to upgrade my "System Tool".

When I (metaphorically) flipped off the actual Tool that infected my computer instead of handing over my banking information, it took over the wallpaper and continued to warn me in obnoxious purple and pink lettering that viruses could BREAK MY LIFE.

Yes.  Well, the virus is an asshole and my laptop is in the gentle care of the Geek Squad, but the "breaking my life" thing might be accurate.  I have never felt this...disconnected.

That whole "face time" and "talking to people" thing is TOTALLY fucking overrated.  I want my Matrix back, dammit.

As luck would have it, our desktop computer has also been crippled by a broken monitor.  So I'm pecking this out on our "backup" computer, which is the one Alfred owned when we got together.  It's tucked in a corner of the basement, doesn't have any browsers other than IE and still has Limewire installed on it.

My life, it is painful sometimes.

On the other hand, it's pretty hard to open multiple tabs and get distracted, so I'm staying on task for once.

I'm also not sharing any fun links this week, because OMIGOD you may as well ask me to offer you my own eyeballs after removing them with barbed wire rather than try to STUMBLE something.

This basement smells funny. 

I've come to the conclusion (in light of recent events, and yes I'm still talking about that) that the apocalypse probably won't come in zombie form.  This is disappointing in a way, since I've honed my decapitation skills for nothing, and also because shambling corpses would probably be easier to fight than what will actually occur - the sudden removal of our internet umbilical.  We're all going to go out in a spectacular showing of ethernet DTs and twitching eyeballs.

Well, okay, one link, since you're all so nice and we're talking about living our lives online anyway: The Facebook Breakup Notifier App.  Because sitting around waiting for someone to get dumped is a HUGE attraction factor in a mate.

You're welcome.  You didn't even have to watch me gouge my eyes out for that one.  Though it kind of makes me feel like doing it anyway.

You know what else does?  All the Random Tuesday posts that I won't be able to visit this week because the Virus Gods hate me!  You should still write one, anyway, though.  I'm sure many of the other super-nice, generous and supportive participants (who are kind to animals) will visit.

Random up!




Possibly Barbie didn’t like Ken stealing her jeans: Random Tuesday Thoughts


Oh, hi!  I didn’t see you there.  Behind the massive pile of empty Lindt chocolate wrappers.  Um…just let me move those.

I don’t have a problem, you know.  Just the occasional binge.  Once a year, really.

Well, okay, Hallowe’en too. 

And, yes, Christmas.  Thanksgiving is also a problem.  Really that whole season is always a bit of a blur…all of these holidays seem like cleverly-designed plots to make me gain another 5 lbs.  I’m not sure who I should complain to about that.

Anyway!  It’s Tuesday!  You know what that means, right?  Write your own random post, grab a button, leave a link and then go shower your fellow V-Day survivors with love! (You have some left, right?)

Levis has a new jeans style for men: The Ex-Girlfriend Jean.  Because…of course they do.  They’re uber-skinny jeans, stretchy, with a nice crotch-hugging effect which works out well, since obviously there are no balls there anymore.

(Does anybody else think we’re getting a little androgynous?  Like we’re aspiring to be that sexless race of highly-evolved alien type humanoids, but we want to get there tomorrow?)

*sings sadly*  Where have all…the real men gone…and where… *sob* ..are all the gods? Where’s the street-wise Heeerrrrculeeees *sniffle* to fight…the rising odds?

How was your Valentine’s Day?  Alfred and I don’t really acknowledge it, because, we don’t like to get mired down in “expectations” and “doing stuff for each other”.  But he usually brings me chocolates.  It’s a bit of a highwire act, what with the “you’re trying to make me fat?!” reaction versus the “you didn’t get me anything?!” reaction.  I think he errs on the side of caution, however, since at least if I’m placated with chocolate I’m less likely to cut a bitch.

I had a very productive weekend full of job applications and drawing comics.  Also, chocolate.

StumbleUpon somehow knew I would like this.  I’m sure I’m on a list somewhere now.  They’ll either be watching me very carefully or asking me to visit small warring countries with a sniper rifle in a diplomatic pouch.

Battlepug.  That…pretty much explains itself.  Interestingly, I have high hopes for the storyline.

How come you never draw comics about YOUR ugly pets?  Oh, fine.  You can just write a random post.  And link up.  I’M SO DEMANDING.

No comment: Random Tuesday Thoughts



Tuesdays in February kind of suck.  Actually, maybe it’s just February in general.

So far, 2011 isn’t really doing me any favors, how bout you guys?

Squarespace has implemented a stupid word verification thing on my comment form, and I can’t disable it.  I’m really, really, REALLY sorry.  I can put Disqus on here, but then it makes all the old comments disappear and that makes me crazy.

I like to go back and read them.  It cheers me up.

Anybody have any other hosted-elsewhere commenting software ideas?

A patent from 1963 for facilitating childbirth through centrifugal force.  Yeah.  All my groovy hypnobirthing mama friends are gonna love that one.  (via Geekologie)

Why is it “by” accident, but “on” purpose?

Art is everywhere, even in used-up no. 2 pencils.

It’s not at my house, lately, though.  I had big plans for creative things this weekend and I…painted with the toddler.

(That is, he painted and I half-heartedly splotched paint on paper beside him, I didn’t actually use him as a brush.)

I spent my meditation time today…thinking about drawing a comic about meditation.  I am never going to get the hang of this.

That is all.  Go forth, be random. 

Some random thoughts about BlissDom. Of course.

Holy crap, how did it get to be Tuesday?  A person goes to a lavish resort hotel for an awesome conference with fantastic people and the week just flies by.

The Hotel: 52 acres of opulent, bio-domed, well-oiled machine, including but not limited to: 10 restaurants, a gelato shop, a 2-story waterfall, a musical fountain, several other waterfalls, a boat ride, 3 bars, some ducks, exotic plants from all over, and a unicorn breeding ground.

You know what they really need?  A “comfortable shoe” store.

The Conference: Everyone was really relaxed, there were some really useful sessions, and some pretty great parties.  Much lower on the swag-o-meter than BlogHer, but we were sedated instead with a constant stream of food and offers of massages.  Also, there was a flash mob and a giant raisin.  So, just like every other conference, right?

I’m sure the National Association of Especially Stern Actuaries totally gets up to spontaneously dance to ‘Party in the USA’ after the closing address.

The People: Well, duh.  This is kind of why we all go, right?  To hang out with amazing women like Becky, Michele, Mary Ann and Beth.  Beth was the only one I didn’t really ‘know’ before the conference, but she definitely gets in the club.  She crochets zombies and is crafting her way through the Martha Stewart Encyclopedia of Crafts.  What’s not to love?

I bet I’d still win the “drunken crafting using only gold spraypaint and glow-in-the-dark straws” category, though.  It’s a narrow genre but I’ve made it my own.

A Tableau:


I call it “Slightly Evil-Looking Blue Bunnies, Normally Harbringers of Frozen Treats, Guard Representative Beverage from Amusingly Named Hotel, Just Prior to Session Start”.  

The Takeaway:  Blog conferences are fun.  Someone should sponsor me for the next one.


Aaaaaand, that’s a random wrap.  Grab the button, link up, make it happen!  And don’t forget to visit some of your peeps, because someday you might meet them at a conference, and they’ll be all, “Do you remember that random Tuesday that you didn’t comment on my blog?  I cried for days and ate a lot of peanut butter.”

Blogging is hard.

Celebraa-aate good times, COME ON! (Random Tuesday Thoughts)


Once upon a time, there was a girl.  She wrote things on the internet and stuff and sometimes they were particularly disjointed.  Her mother always said she was a celebrator (which sounds adorable but really she just likes an excuse to have cake), so she turned her random thoughts into a little party, every Tuesday.

(Sorry, it’s Bring Your Own Cake.)

I’ve officially reached the point in my life where jeans are just fucking uncomfortable.   Black yoga pants are my new best friend.  I think Hallmark has a card for this important milestone.

My body has decided now is a good time to develop a sinus infection.  I think my body has impeccable timing, considering I will be getting on a plane to go to Nashville Wednesday morning.  I must remember to send my body a ‘thank you’ card.

While I’m at it, I’ll express my appreciation for deciding that we are in menopause without consulting me. 

I’m not sure there’s a card with enough expletives to cover all of that.

It was this cold here last week.

I’m not even remotely ready to go to Blissdom.  My legs are unshaven, my toenails are janky.  None of my roomies are going to want to share a bed with me!

…hang on, that kind of works for me.

I am so very, very tired of editing my resume.  Someone just realize how fabulous I am and give me a job already.

Frosty the Snowman travels 5314 miles to die.

I’m a bit of a nervous flier.  Not because I’m worried the plane will plummet us to our fiery doom,  although that’s always a fun topic of conversation.  That, however, is out of my control.  No, I get all sweat-palmed and jittery over managing to navigate the unknown airport, make my plane on time, get through customs, and somehow manage to NOT look like a complete idiot.

Because clearly, looking silly is much more frightening than tucking my head between my knees while my face is burning off.

Last week, real life superheroes, this week, real life ninja.  It’s a font of useful information around here.

(ninjas away)


Hell probably ONLY gives you the previews: Random Tuesday Thoughts


Well hi there!  Come here often?  What’s your star sign…now?

Know what to do?  Great!  Don’t know what to do?  Um, don’t ask me, I just work here.

7 loads of laundry + 6 loads of dishes + 4 boxes of kleenex + 1 box of Neo-Citran + 48 hours of sleep = my weekend.  Woo fucking hoo.

When I gather my minions and take over the world, I WILL have this octopus chair.

Next week I’m going to Blissdom.  Have I mentioned this?  I feel like I probably should have, once or twice. 

Anyway, I’m going to Blissdom.  Anybody else?

Also, my villainous lair will have this rug.

I’m not sure why I’m all keen on my plan for world domination all of a sudden (hint: it involves woodpeckers)…it’s probably all this Phoenix Jones stuff cropping up.  I’ll have a lot more to say about that later.

(I would have had a lot more to say about it earlier this week, but I was felled by the Head Cold From Hell.)

(Although it’s likely that Hell has more devious ploys to make you miserable, but I can’t think of what they would be right now because THERE’S TOO MUCH PHLEGM).

I’ll probably have a lot more to say about Blissdom later, too.

In fact, let’s just go ahead and call this the “previews” post, shall we?

What’s going on in YOUR head?  Grab a button and give us a preview!

You just KNOW I’m going to have a whole post about phlegm tomorrow: Random Tuesday Thoughts


Tuesday, Tuesday…la la, la la la…sure like that daaayyy…la la, la la la…

Am I allowed to use god-related exclamations?  Because I’m especially fond of the phrase, “Lord, love a duck,” and I want to use it often, but I don’t want to offend any Christians.  Or waterfowl.  Or…Christian waterfowl.

There is this mysterious series of people that follow me on Twitter.  They almost always only have 15-20 tweets under their belt, but somehow have amassed 1000 followers.  Their tweets always start with a few on the variation of “Can you hear me now, Gillian?” and then continue with a series of completely nonsensical sentence fragments like “It is insoluble riddles” and “condescending conditional mario”.

Is this some kind of treasure-hunt conspiracy theory thing that I’m supposed to be puzzling out?  Do I get a gold bar or a dusty parchment map if I figure it out?  Because it’s driving me crazy trying to decipher what, if anything, these ‘people’ are trying to accomplish.

I mean, nobody can be THAT bored.

I have cleared out my Google Reader.  I read everything.  It’s a good thing I didn’t make any New Years resolutions, because End Times are obviously nigh.

Star Wars pinups.  For the more depraved among us.  (*cough*)

I think I’m going to take one random thought per week and turn it into an actual post.  We’ll call it a “writing exercise” (rather than “my life is really boring so all I have are these random tidbits”).  Deal?  You can join me, if you like.

I mean, you can take one of YOUR OWN random thoughts.  Not mine.  Thieves.

I have had this weird pressure in my throat for a few days, like a lump.  It doesn’t seem to go away when I swallow.

I think it’s a scream.  Though I suppose it’s just as likely that it’s phlegm.  Or that hamster I had for breakfast.

Last week someone told me she’d been criticized for participating in Random Tuesday Thoughts at the same time as a different blog carnival thing.  I totally understand that this is the coolest meme out there, and y’all might get proprietary about that, but it’s really okay to tag-team RTT with whatever other Tuesday thing you like.  If you think you need my permission, which you don’t.  It’s blogging, after all – we’re just making this shit up as we go along.

And looking fabulous doing it, of course.

After the rise of comic book popularity, and movies like Kick Ass, it was really only a matter of time before someone actually went ahead and did it.  While I’m impressed by the…ball bearings…on this guy, I think I’ll stick with being a hero and giving blood the old-fashioned way.

(By shooting it out of people.)

…What?  I’m still working on my career as an assassin.  It’s a slow start, mostly because it’s hard to wait outside for my targets when it’s minus 20 (-35 with the windchill!). 

Maybe I’ll stick with character assassination.

But not you guys, of course.  Unless someone paid me.  Which they probably won’t because you’re doing a fine job on your own, so, you’re still welcome to play along with Random Tuesday Thoughts!

And you should.  You really, really should.

Where are my hover shoes, dammit? (Random Tuesday Thoughts)




That is all.  Carry on with the random.

I didn’t manage to gain my 5lbs in December.  In fact, I weighed myself today and I haven’t gained any weight.  I mean, I knew it was hard to lose weight – I’ve never been the sort of person who could give up chewing gum and lose 5 pounds as a result – but I had no idea it was hard to gain it, too.  However, apparently I can eat every Christmas treat in front of me and chug nog for a solid month, without any ill effects.

This is fascinating information to have.

I finally went ahead and booked my flight to Nashville for the BlissDom conference at the end of the month.  Yay!

I should probably tell my boss I’m going to that, huh?

Did you all have a good New Year’s Eve?  I remember when it used to be a thing for me.  There was excitement, anticipation, more than a few cocktails. We considered carefully what we would wear, we tried desperately to get rid of our shifts at work if we had them.  Even if you didn’t make plans the weeks or months in advance, there was always something going on.

The last few years, though, not as much.  This year, Alfred had to work, though he was home by 10.  I had a glass of wine and watched the second episode of Walking Dead, and went to bed at 11.  I was probably still awake when midnight rolled around, but only because I was lying there shivering and imagining how I’ll get home to protect my family if the Zombie Apocalypse hit while I am in Nashville.

So, just like every other night, really.

A couple of days ago I ordered some books online and I was going to include Eat Pray Love  because MindyAnn recommended it a while ago and also I’m probably the last person on the planet to read it.  But then they only had a used copy and it was going to be 2 weeks to ship and blah blah, I figured I’d just go buy one in the next couple of days.

Then today my Mom gave me my Christmas present, which included a copy of Eat Pray Love

Don’t you just love Christmas miracles?

I feel like I should have been more productive over my little break.  I was going to brush up on my Mac skills, do some drawing.  Instead I drank a lot of wine and watched non-PBSKids television for the first time in 2 years.  I’m sort of disappointed in myself.  I could have built a lightsaber, or something.

It was really good television though.

Muppets with people eyes.  Warning:  You cannot unsee this.

Okay, now I’m going to go read my book.  And learn how to Pray and maybe Love.  I have the Eating down to an art form already.

Hmm, mojitonog, has possibilities: Random Tuesday Thoughts



I’m back!  Back!  Also, on holidays.  Brain…turning to sweet, sweet mush.

I put up a blog post yesterday about my inlaws and then felt guilty and took it down (it’s probably in your reader though).  Christmas wasn’t THAT bad.  The following conversation, however, absolutely canNOT go unrecorded:

FIL (inspecting a bottle of Purple Cowboy wine that had been given to me): I’ve never heard of this wine.

Me: That’s what Brother-In-Law got me for Christmas! Cool, huh? 

FIL: Well, I guess that’s what you buy for alcoholics.

Me: …..

      …...I need a drink.

(I’m opting to believe that he was trying to be funny.)

I went for a bra fitting today, having never had one and having been hiking my bras up off my belly button for quite some time now.  I am…not even REMOTELY close to the size I thought I was (cup sizes go up to what now?!!), and I spent over a hundred dollars on one bra

But my rack looks great.

(First person to ask for pics gets a slap upside the head with a tuna.)

Frank Lloyd Wright’s Fallingwater…in gingerbread.

I’m drinking nog out of my mojito mixing glass.  My seasonal beverages of choice are at odds.

One of my Xmas gifts:


It’s a cookie jar.  The best cookie jar EVER.  Since it can also be used as a distraction during the Zombie Apocalypse.

In addition to the wine and the receptacle for baked goods, I also got a Tassimo (which rocks).  Yes, all of my gifts had something to do with food and beverages.  I’m either really hard to buy for, or I look like I’m wasting away.

We’ll go with that.

What’d YOU get?  C’mon, spill it!

(But…clean it up afterwards.)

More Christmassy crap, covered in glitter because it’s festive: Random Tuesday Thoughts



So….it’s the holiday version of Random Tuesday Thoughts, the one where I’m happy and seasonal (or well seasoned) and positive about Christmas!  Rather than the one where I’m sluggish with turkey dinner and too much nog and inlaw overdose. 

(That’s what you have to look forward to NEXT week.)

So, has anybody got time to get random or are you all frantically baking cookies?

(Do you have extra?  I’ll email you my address.  I have less than 2 weeks to meet my goal of five extra pounds on my ass by New Years’.)

I’m having nog.  Of course.  Why is it that the uber-light, 0%, pretty much tasteless nog is still 210 calories a cup?

His motivations are murky, but I’m pretty sure it’s because Jesus hates my involvement in Christmas.

Speaking of nog, here’s a lovely little item from two years ago, when we spent New Years’ with the inlaws in Hellville.  It was the classy mural on the front of the hotel bar.



Guess where we’re headed for Christmas?

FoN and I tried to recreate the drunken alien angel crafting spectacle this weekend and failed miserably.  Neither of us had anything for craft supplies, not even glow-in-the-dark drinking straws, and we weren’t brave enough to venture out to Michael’s (holiday craft shoppers are insane, you guys).  So we decided we’d drink and wrap presents instead, but we had to keep all the kids in the basement, and there was a lot of “Moooommm, he’s hitting me!” and hysterical non-sleeping and “Mooooooomm, he pinched me!” so we got about 3 presents done and then I had to take my hitting-and-pinching preschooler home.

Christmas would be way more fun without the children.

Farmville for Dummies.  Sadly, yes, really.

Apparently there’s a lunar eclipse tonight, happening on the winter solstice for the first time in 400 years or something?  If I wake up and find out I missed the apocalypse, I’m gonna be pissed.

I’m not sure why but I have “Everybody’s Working for the Weekend” in my head.

Everybody wants a little romance, oh yeeaaaaahhhh yeah yeah!

Does everybody want to play Random Tuesday Thoughts?

Some random notes to myself (Random Tuesday Thoughts)


I think last week’s strategy of distracting from the lack of content by filling up with images worked rather well, so I’m going to try that again.  There are numerous reminder notes that should probably be permanent affixed to my forehead.



















Got a random thought or two?  You don’t have to put them on postie notes, or even staple them to your forehead (though I recommend it).  Write a random post, link up, and leave some comment love for your brethren!

Random Tuesday Thoughts: the one where I sit this one out



I'm going to bench myself this week due to hormonal issues.  My real-life BFF is stepping in, as she usually does, because she's way more together than me, and also she has 3 children so she doesn't have time to suffer from mental crises.  I'll be back soon with the 'good' kind of crazy, in the meantime, enjoy!

Hello Everybody!  It’s me!  FoN!  You have no idea who I am?  That’s because I normally live here.  I’m just a temp this week because Keely has finally made good on her threat to call in sick and has bestowed upon me the awesome responsibility of hosting RTT today.  And I appreciate that because I have really sucked lately and I needed an assignment.

I bet you all have the goods on this already, but if you’re new around these parts here are your instructions – just write down the first random stuff that pops in your head.  It’s like the Rorschach test of blogging. 

But no one will be able to use it against you at any impending commitment hearings.

Shall we?

It’s Halloween this weekend and with three kids that is a big deal in my house.  I have always loved Halloween and usually celebrate it with gusto.  Gusto this year means working the refreshment table at my children’s elementary school Halloween dance.  Twenty years ago I would have honoured Halloween by dressing up as a kitty/nurse/bunny and getting shitfaced while trying desperately to win the limbo contest at the bar.  I was really just secretly happy to have an excuse to go out in public looking like a pre-op transsexual prostitute (who had whiskers/stethoscope/ears). 

A few years after my dress-like-a-whore phase ended I did rock a pretty awesome Bride of Frankenstein costume.   I found an old wedding dress at the thrift store and covered it in fake blood and then found a beauty school student willing to give me the hair.  I spent 8 hours at the salon while she took my long, thick, curly hair and wove it around a basket, teased the living shit out of and then used an entire bottle of hairspray and about six hundred thousand bobby pins to keep it standing straight up.  It looked awesome.  The part I didn’t quite think through?  Getting all that shit out of my hair at 3:00 am while drunk and puking.  Trust me when I say it’s not easy vomiting up tequila and hotdog with three feet high Bride of Frankenstein hair. 

I remember vividly sitting on the toilet with my head between my knees crying and swearing  while trying to figure out how I would explain to my coworkers on Monday why there was a basket on my head.

It’s cooling off here at an alarming rate and it is inevitable that winter is just around the corner.  I hate winter.  Winter only has two redeeming qualities – the fact I will have no reason to wear shorts, tank-tops or bathing suits for at least eight months and I can use that time to convince myself that This Year! I will finally stick to that whole diet and exercise thing and then by the time summer rolls around next year I will be able to wear those shorts, tank-tops and bathing-suits with pleasure because I will  be super thin and fabulous… and Christmas.

I’ve been so swamped at work lately I have finally talked the powers-that-be into letting me hire an assistant.  I’m really grateful for the help, but I’ll be working with this person extremely closely and I need to not wish them dead.  I can make most ‘work’ relationships positive, but this person will be with me the whole day every day and I need to actually like them.  It’s super important, but I can’t tell if someone is cool by their resume.  And If I hire someone who annoys the shit out of me I will be in a worse position than I am now.  I want to ask them questions in the interview like, “Do others frequently tell you to shut the fuck up?”  and “What do you think of Katy Perry songs?”  and “If you had to have sex with either Glenn Beck or Satan, who would you choose?”

That last one is kind of a trick question because Glenn Beck IS Satan.  Anyone who gets that question right I will hire immediately.  I could train them up on the rest.

Alright…. I’ve probably outstayed my welcome now.  I’m like that karaoke host who keeps getting up to sing his own songs even though he has had my request to sing Sister Christian for over an hour.

He’s an asshole.

I don’t want to be an asshole, so shuffle up and deal folks!


Oh, I don't know, something about zombies: Random Tuesday Thoughts

So, I re-did the Random Tuesday button.  What do you think?

(Note: I didn't say I de-uglified it.  It's still purple.  And there's still a ham on there.  TRADITIONS, people.)

There is definite weirdness going on with the link, though - in theory I should have eradicated ALL of the old fugly purple buttons, and replaced them with the new fugly purple buttons.  But the old ones are still showing up.  They're a little like an insidious disease. 

So I'm sorry if you're diseased.

The other day I pulled up behind a car that had no less than 6 sparkly pink stickers that proclaimed it's owner "SPOILED".

It was an early 90s Chevy Caprice.

I kind of wanted to leave a dictionary as a gift.    I probably could have hefted one through the missing window.

So most of you were pretty skeptical about my "advice column" idea.  And asked a lot of questions about mayonnaise.  But then someone asked a question that I HAVE AN ANSWER TO, so now I have to go through with the whole thing just to prove to you guys that I am a font of useless information.

(Also, that I can be a know-it-all jackhole.  But you probably already suspected as much.)

You should probably help me out.  You can use the 'contact me' form on the right to ask a question anonymously, if you're not comfortable posting it publicly.  Go on with your shameful queries, you dirty birds.

Don't make me answer some of the stuff that gets people here via google:

...even though those people clearly need help.

Drinkers outlive non-drinkers.  Booyah.

How did you guys spend your labor day?  I spent mine dicking around on the internet, and playing the new(ish) Going Rogue content on my beloved City of Heros MMO (which is, essentially, more dicking around on the internet).  If there's a Creator, that's probably as they intended it.  Slacking is good for the soul.

Last week there were car eyelashes.  This week, the Y chromosome contingent felt left out, so there are car moustaches.

(I'm not sure why the only colors available are black or HOT PINK.)

There are changes, changes afoot in the casa del Un Mom.  Hubby is taking classes; I may have a job opportunity.  It's enough to make a person giddy.

(That could also be the wine.)

Anybody remember my New Years commitment to Two Week Resolutions?  No?  Good.

Hubby posted the trailer for the upcoming TV version of Walking Dead earlier, and I felt obliged to watch it. 

I'm no longer sure that he loves me.


...but you guys still love me, right?

PROVE IT! Get your Random on!


I have an overwhelming urge to dye my hair blue: Random Tuesday Thoughts



Yes, it's Tuesday.  No, I haven't re-designed the button yet.  Get off my case, geez.

*long-suffering sigh*

Anyway!  It's Tuesday.  Which, if you're new here, means it's time for Random Tuesday Thoughts.  They're thoughts that are random.  On a Tuesday.  Seems pretty straightforward to me.  Shall we begin?

This week's date night movie was Scott Pilgrim vs. the World.  I thought it was great.  But it was probably exclusively geared towards me and the other eight people who enjoy manga, music that sounds "early 90s alternative", and who played a lot of Street Fighter in their youth.

The bio-identical hormone cream that I'm taking (absorbing?) is definitely helping with the Crazy.  For instance, today I drove past the main city cemetary with no problem whatsoever.  The last time I did, I burst into tears thinking about my grandpa.

Which, y'know, would be normal, except that I hardly knew him - he died when I was two years old.  Also, I'm not entirely sure that he's even IN that graveyard.

So, yeah.  Definitely helping.

Also helping with the Lazy.  I'm definitely starting to think about getting back on a regular exercise schedule.

I'm not actually getting back on a schedule.  But thinking about it.  I may have even mentioned it aloud.

The charity kids album, Do Fun Stuff, that I posted about yesterday is the #1 selling kids album on iTunes.  Cool.

The most unfortunate logo ever.

Ever since I moved the blog I feel a little odd about it.  Like it's not quite "home".  I know, it's just fucking pixels, I'm a headcase. 

Maybe it's all those emails I'm getting with the subject line: geeeetttt ooouuuuttttt.

Eyelashes for your car.  Patent pending, you guys!

There is no auto-save on this blog interface.  Who wants to take bets on how long it takes me to lose an entire post?


...you heard me.

I think tomorrow I'm going to do us all a favor and just post something wordless.

Random up, you guys!



It's sad when the highlight of my week is moving my blog: Random Tuesday Thoughts


So, I think I've managed the move to Squarespace without leaving anybody behind and with only a few handfuls of my hair ripped out. 

If you're not reading this, I've obviously screwed up somewhere, and holy crap do I not even care right now.

But!  It's Tuesday!  And Tuesdays around the square space mean the same thing they did around Blogger - it's time to dump all your random thoughts into a post & call it good!  Ready?  Have at thee!


No, I didn't manage to re-do the RTT button.  It's still ugly.  And purple.  I'll fix it eventually.  Honest.


The "create post" screen for the space that is square is just as uninspiring as the last one.


Hubby and I went and saw Inception.

Um...at least I think we did.


If historical events had Facebook pages.


If you're viewing this in Internet Explorer, there are supposed to be cute little social media icons over there on the right where those broken links are.  They're responsible for at least two handfuls of hair that are missing from my head.  They work fine in Firefox.  You should just switch to Firefox, ok?


FoN is a champion of my "let's get Keely a new job already" campaign and regularly forwards me job postings that she thinks I'd be interested in.  She sent me this posting for a "Ben & Jerry's Brand Ambassador", joking that it is her dream job:

Would you like working for the top brands in the world?  Would you like helping consumers discover new products?  Would you like having an impact on a consumer's daily decisions? Do you love Health and Beauty? Are you someone who takes great care of themselves?   If you answered yes to these questions, we have the perfect job for you, read on!

We are in search for BEN AND JERRY'S ICE CREAM lovers who will be executing various events!! 

Successful ambassadors will be responsible to visit stores within a set territory, to sell and explain the benefits of this products. You will become the client's sales ambassadors, and responsible to vehicle brand awareness.

When I actually read the listing, I wondered what the fuck being "interested in health & beauty" and "taking great care of yourself" have to do with ICE CREAM.  

Oh, right.  Thats a euphemism for "are you a hot chick?". 

Hot chicks like ice cream too, you guys.


Popsicles shaped like handguns.  Look into it, Ben & Jerry.


Poll: Color in the two gossipy bitches in the right side of my header or leave them grey?


After my disappointing 8-hour round-trip to the gyno last week, I visited my new GP and she called my naturopath and we all conferred and stood on one foot and chanted a rain dance, and the upshot is that I now have a prescription for bio-identical progesterone cream.  It's like moisturizer.  With hormones in it.  The pharmacist suggested that it absorbs better into fatty tissue.

So, if nothing else, I'll have a well-moisturized ass.  And that's important too.


That is all.  Go forth, and be random.

(Edit: DAMMIT. Bit of a learning curve here. sorry for the lack of Linky, folks.)