Love means making the important sacrifices

Me: “Mom wants to know if we want to go camping for a weekend, but she thinks that all the cabins might be booked, so we’d have to do the tent thing.”

Alfred: “Um, well, up to you.  I’m up for whatever, but I’ve never really camped or put up a tent or done anything outdoorsy.  I’d be pretty much useless.”

Me: “Okay.”

Alfred: “I’d be useless in case of a Zombie Apocalypse, too.”

Me: “Oh, I know.  I’ve already decided to throw you under the proverbial bus if that happens.”

Alfred: (joking) “Well, I can run faster scared, than the zombies can mad!”

…bless him.  He thinks I’m kidding.

The leftover Mini-Pops go to the chicken zombies: Random Tuesday Thoughts

Let’s get ready to rrraaaaaaaaaaaannnndddddddoooomm!

Well, are you ready?  Do you know what to do?  Don’t look at me, I took advantage of your momentary confusion to get a head start.  I’m competitive that way.

Me: “What do you think happens to Mini-Pops when they’re too old to be Mini-Pops?  You’d think at least one of them would go on to fame and fortune, or something.”

Alfred: “Soylent Green.  They’re fuel for the next generation of Mini-Pops.”

(UPDATED: I can't believe y'all don't know what the Mini Pops are.  I desperately wanted their albums when I was a kid; I don't know why I didn't just get the ORIGINAL music, but whatevs.  Here:  http://www.minipopkids.com/mpk6.php )

I’ve blocked four IP addresses from that John Rambo guy who keeps trying to get me to boycott American Women.  I’m telling you, I’VE TRIED, I just can’t quit you guys.

How the zombie plague will really get started. (Because, well, that WOULD totally be hilarious.)

I have a job interview for a job that I reeeeeaaaalllly want this week.  Send me good vibes, and maybe it will help me to not vomit.  Or at least not vomit at a really inopportune time.

My laptop is back and virus-free, yay!  And fully functional.  Other than that missing software.  And…the charge cord they claimed they didn’t have, so I had to buy a new one. For $120.

But they completely forgot to charge me the $190 for the virus removal, so I guess I’m ahead of the game.

You know, I can’t say as I’d recommend the Geek Squad.

And now, before the time bomb they planted explodes, I think I’ll be done.

Got a random post?  Link it up!

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Where are my hover shoes, dammit? (Random Tuesday Thoughts)

IT.  IS.  TWENTY ELEVEN.

That is all.  Carry on with the random.

I didn’t manage to gain my 5lbs in December.  In fact, I weighed myself today and I haven’t gained any weight.  I mean, I knew it was hard to lose weight – I’ve never been the sort of person who could give up chewing gum and lose 5 pounds as a result – but I had no idea it was hard to gain it, too.  However, apparently I can eat every Christmas treat in front of me and chug nog for a solid month, without any ill effects.

This is fascinating information to have.

I finally went ahead and booked my flight to Nashville for the BlissDom conference at the end of the month.  Yay!

I should probably tell my boss I’m going to that, huh?

Did you all have a good New Year’s Eve?  I remember when it used to be a thing for me.  There was excitement, anticipation, more than a few cocktails. We considered carefully what we would wear, we tried desperately to get rid of our shifts at work if we had them.  Even if you didn’t make plans the weeks or months in advance, there was always something going on.

The last few years, though, not as much.  This year, Alfred had to work, though he was home by 10.  I had a glass of wine and watched the second episode of Walking Dead, and went to bed at 11.  I was probably still awake when midnight rolled around, but only because I was lying there shivering and imagining how I’ll get home to protect my family if the Zombie Apocalypse hit while I am in Nashville.

So, just like every other night, really.

A couple of days ago I ordered some books online and I was going to include Eat Pray Love  because MindyAnn recommended it a while ago and also I’m probably the last person on the planet to read it.  But then they only had a used copy and it was going to be 2 weeks to ship and blah blah, I figured I’d just go buy one in the next couple of days.

Then today my Mom gave me my Christmas present, which included a copy of Eat Pray Love. 

Don’t you just love Christmas miracles?

I feel like I should have been more productive over my little break.  I was going to brush up on my Mac skills, do some drawing.  Instead I drank a lot of wine and watched non-PBSKids television for the first time in 2 years.  I’m sort of disappointed in myself.  I could have built a lightsaber, or something.

It was really good television though.

Muppets with people eyes.  Warning:  You cannot unsee this.

Okay, now I’m going to go read my book.  And learn how to Pray and maybe Love.  I have the Eating down to an art form already.

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Oh, I don't know, something about zombies: Random Tuesday Thoughts

So, I re-did the Random Tuesday button.  What do you think?

(Note: I didn't say I de-uglified it.  It's still purple.  And there's still a ham on there.  TRADITIONS, people.)

There is definite weirdness going on with the link, though - in theory I should have eradicated ALL of the old fugly purple buttons, and replaced them with the new fugly purple buttons.  But the old ones are still showing up.  They're a little like an insidious disease. 

So I'm sorry if you're diseased.

The other day I pulled up behind a car that had no less than 6 sparkly pink stickers that proclaimed it's owner "SPOILED".

It was an early 90s Chevy Caprice.

I kind of wanted to leave a dictionary as a gift.    I probably could have hefted one through the missing window.

So most of you were pretty skeptical about my "advice column" idea.  And asked a lot of questions about mayonnaise.  But then someone asked a question that I HAVE AN ANSWER TO, so now I have to go through with the whole thing just to prove to you guys that I am a font of useless information.

(Also, that I can be a know-it-all jackhole.  But you probably already suspected as much.)

You should probably help me out.  You can use the 'contact me' form on the right to ask a question anonymously, if you're not comfortable posting it publicly.  Go on with your shameful queries, you dirty birds.

Don't make me answer some of the stuff that gets people here via google:

...even though those people clearly need help.

Drinkers outlive non-drinkers.  Booyah.

How did you guys spend your labor day?  I spent mine dicking around on the internet, and playing the new(ish) Going Rogue content on my beloved City of Heros MMO (which is, essentially, more dicking around on the internet).  If there's a Creator, that's probably as they intended it.  Slacking is good for the soul.

Last week there were car eyelashes.  This week, the Y chromosome contingent felt left out, so there are car moustaches.

(I'm not sure why the only colors available are black or HOT PINK.)

There are changes, changes afoot in the casa del Un Mom.  Hubby is taking classes; I may have a job opportunity.  It's enough to make a person giddy.

(That could also be the wine.)

Anybody remember my New Years commitment to Two Week Resolutions?  No?  Good.

Hubby posted the trailer for the upcoming TV version of Walking Dead earlier, and I felt obliged to watch it. 

I'm no longer sure that he loves me.

...but you guys still love me, right?

PROVE IT! Get your Random on!

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This Random is rather single-minded. Almost like a zombie.

Intro, shmintro.

Cross-marketing that makes me say wtf:

A "New Moon" Wal-Mart gift card.

Yes, hubby and I had date night and went to Super WalMart again, why do you ask?

I finally have a composter in the backyard! Whee!

I'm old! I get excited about composting! Whee!

Single-serve disposable wine glasses. What's the point? I'd still need, like, twelve.

It must be "Pet Week" here at the Un Mom, because after telling you all about my cat, now I'm going to tell you about how my dog is a fucking pussy.

She's afraid of thunderstorms. Like bone-shaking, whimpering, trying-to-crawl-up-my-asshole afraid of them. Guess how many we've had in the past week or so? Approximately 523.

Under normal circumstances, my dog's preferred order of people goes: 1) Toddler with food, 2) Hubby, 3) Me, and 4) Toddler without food. In thunder conditions, for whatever reason, her order of preference changes to: 1) Me, 2) Me, 3) Where the hell is that woman anyway?, and 4) the toddler. I don't know why she thinks one of US is going to protect her better than the 6'3" guy, but she's not really known for her brains.

Anyway, that means that should thunderstorms occur at night, which, y'know, they occasionally do, she immediately clicks and jangles her way to the side of my bed and sits there panting heavy dog breath on my face. I can convince her to lie down by punching her in the head, but she has to sit up every 30 seconds or so to make sure I'm still there.

The second night of thunderstorms, I relocated myself to the couch, thinking she'd stay in the room with hubby, but no. She was unwilling to follow me to the living room, because the windows were open there, so she plowed her way into the kid's room, jumped up on the bed, and tried to lay on him. All 70 lbs of her. Needless to say, he complained to the management.

So guess how much sleep I had last week? Approximately none. It's a good thing we haven't had any storms for a couple of nights, because the dog wouldn't have made it. She would have died of fright or I would have smothered her with my pillow.

It's enough to make a person get a fucking CAT.

Things that an average person would do during the Zombie Apocalypse. I like to think I'd be in the minority, thankyouverymuch. Especially if I can get into this class.

I'm kind of hoping for an Apocalypse now. Not one single job I applied for has called me. At least an Apocalypse would give me something to do (and someone to stab in the head).

Good thing I don't have a therapist, I have no idea what they would say about that.

Aaaaaand on THAT cheery note, random up, you guys!

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