Supporting athletes should be left to jock straps, not pastries

So I started my first Two Week Resolution, which is to submit a logo design a day to 99designs.com, and I've met my quota for the whole two days I've been doing it so far. It's been taking a bit more time than I thought it would, and yet today when I managed to get one submitted during the toddler's naptime I was all, sweet! I have a free evening in which to play video games or read comics or hell, go to bed early!

Then I was like, oh riiiiiigggghhhht. That blooooggggg thing.

Half of you are probably off at Blissdom anyway, but I will share with you something I spotted the other day. I was at Tim Horton's, which is Canada's answer to, say, Dunkin' Donuts. Except it's WAY more addictive because I'm fairly certain they make their coffee with butter.

Or maybe crack cocaine.

Anyway, they were featuring a donut covered in tiny red candy maple leafs. Ooooh, how patriotic! Except - wait - Canada Day isn't until July, guys. What's with the unwarranted patriotism?

(Canadians don't like to get all patriotic for no good reason. It's ostentatious.)

(It's the same reason we say "excuse me" when somebody bumps into US, okay? We're just inexplicably weird that way.)

Then I realized, oh! It must be for the Winter Olympics, which are in Vancouver soon.

Because...nothing screams "Olympic athlete" like a big fat deep fried DONUT.

Nice one, guys.

Maybe it's because they're shaped like an Olympic ring? Yeah, we'll go with that.

At least my vacation was fruity-smelling: Random Tuesday Thoughts

randomtuesday

It's Tuesday, ya'll! You know what that means - pick up the fugly purple button, write a post with no transitional paragraphs whatsoever, and then leave a link so we can all get a peek at snippets of your life. Ready? Go!

I must not be blogging about zombies enough, because I've had a couple of nightmares about them again lately. I had one the other night about living in a post-Zombie Apocalypse world, trapped inside a beautifully airy, modern architecture house but having to dash out for supplies and avoid the undead. I woke up in the grey early dawn light, heart racing, one hand hovering over Paul sleeping soundly beside me. Part of me wanted to wake him up to comfort me (because apparently I'm six years old) but most of me was afraid to do so in case he rolled over and TRIED TO EAT MY FACE.


A conversation I'm still snickering about, on the way home from the grandparents this evening:

"He's pretty tired. Does he need a bath, or do you think we can just get away without it?"

"He should be fine. It's not like he was playing in mud."

"Huh? Did you say 'it's not like he was playing in blood'??"

"No, MUD. Not blood. He's a little young to be starting a Fight Club."

(pause)

"Although if he did, he couldn't tell us about it."

I'm sure you all have heard the phrase, "Part of this nutritious breakfast", right? When I was a kid I tried to use that to convince my Mom to buy me something like Count Chocula (we were pretty much only allowed our choice of Cheerios or Shreddies. Sometimes, if she was feeling frisky, Honey Nut Cheerios).

She then made a point of explaining to me that "part of this nutritious breakfast" does not equate "the nutritious part of this breakfast". It's all in the italics. You could serve up a bowl of broken glass and rusty bolts beside that toast and OJ and it would still be part of the nutritious breakfast, but it's not going to offer you much itself.

Well, maybe some roughage.

Anyway she taught me to listen for the omissions and the subtexts in advertising. So I thought of her this week when I saw an ad for Fruit Loops on TV, touting the Fruit Loops themselves as "the fruity-smelling part of this complete breakfast".

No kidding? I wasn't aware that my breakfast required part of it to be FRUITY SMELLING. I mean - I could put some Mr. Sketch smelly markers in there to meet THAT condition, but it wouldn't get me much else.

Well, maybe some roughage.


A haiku:

Vacation! Too short
Accomplished little, much like
haiku poetry

Dentists must be really good at charades, huh? I had a filling done this week and while I'm benumbed, have 4 different metal implements in my mouth and what is essentially a blue condom over my face he muses, "I don't know why you have a cavity there. You have good oral hygiene, there's no reason for you to get a cavity there."

I made a gesture with both hands in front of my stomach.

"No," he answers, "Pregnancy would have nothing to do with it."

I shrugged and pointed at the implement he was using, raising an eyebrow.

"Oh," he said, "What is that? It's a liquid filling, because the cavity is at the bottom of the tooth and we want to make sure we get a good seal."

Amazing, huh? I mean, what I was actually saying was "You fat bastard" and "Get away from me with that fucking thing before I shove it up your ass", but he was REALLY CLOSE.


So you know what to do - get randomizing! And make sure to visit Kelly at Baby Boogers to leave your link with her, too! Happy Tuesday!