SuperKeely vs. the Scale Monster in the Heavyweight Battle of the Century!

When we last left our beloved heroine SuperKeely, she was battling Malaise and was questioning her ability to lose weight fight crime! Despite all her badass moves, the supervillain teamup of SickToddler and StomachFlu were getting the best of her!

Can our heroine get back in the battle, feel the burn, and blast through her adversaries? Is there hope for the rest of us if even SuperKeely can't overcome this dire situation??

SuperKeely lowers her head and calls upon her Super Power of Stubborn. No lousy eight pounds crime wave is going to defeat her! She dispatches SickToddler with a roundhouse kick (no, not really guys) and talks StomachFlu into turning himself in. Some day, maybe he'll even work for the good guys.

After the battle, SuperKeely remembers her sensei's wise words and goes back into training, determined to rid her ass city of the looming shadow of fat crime. One day at a time, she tells herself, one day at a time. There is hope on the horizon in the form of a one pound loss.

And maybe one day, she'll fit back into her tights and fishnets.

(Not sure what the hell I'm talking about? Go check out HASAY)

(Not sure why I'm writing entirely in italics? Yeah, me neither)

About friggin' time

So finally, FINALLY, I got my poop in a group and finished the latest superheroine. Which, some of you may remember (well okay - at least ONE of you), is based on the one, the only, Force of Nature.

I don't have too much to say about this one that I haven't already said about her. She's chaos, she's craziness, she's the sound and the fury, she has her own blog now but I'm not allowed to link to it, she's occasionally mercurial, she's a force of nature. I hope it's all she wanted - skinny, can throw lightning, with a nice rack, that was the request - right?

Check her out by clicking the thumbnail in the sidebar or just go here.

So now...I have a dilemma. I don't have a readily available inspiration for the next superheroine, and while I suppose I could think of one, I'm pretty busy (read: lazy). So tell me why YOU are a superheroine, what your super power would be, and what you would want to look like. And give me a witty one-liner for your superheroine (or superhero, for that matter - I can draw dudes) while you're at it.

Hit it!

Lingerie, 2nd floor

Blogging about Google Analytics is kind of a gimme post. Because the average blogger could never, in a million years, come up with the random shit that people type into search engines.

(For those of you who don't know, Google Analytics keeps track of your website, how many people go there, and what got them there. Including referring sites, and search phrases that people enter into Google).

Most of the search phrases on my tracker so far have been pretty benign, and a few have been amusing to probably no-one but me (my other blog has gotten a few hits from people searching "benign neglect parenting". Okay, a) are people really looking for a manual? and b) um, maybe I should be offended that they end up at MY blog. Because I parent out of sheer neglect, not benign neglect). But one popped up the other day that sort of gave me pause.

"Superheroine diaper".

What with the post rant about diaper cakes, I can see how they ended up here. But, um, WHAT exactly were they looking for originally? The phrase brings a couple of images to mind. Like, a really obese and incontinent Wonder Woman, hocking the invisible jet for her next fix of tabloids and jube jubes. Or an adult diaper sex fetish outfit with stars on the butt and a little cape.

Or is that just me?

At any rate, according to Google Analytics, that person didn't stay long.

Yeah, I suck

Okay, so as if you needed another reason why Mondays suck, I haven't got my poop in a group to finish this week's superheroine. Mostly because I've been waylaid by birthday parties and inlaws and cake (I used to LIKE cake), but also because I'm trying to use my new tablet and do the piece entirely in Photoshop, without drawing it on paper first and it's FoN after all so I want it to be good (yeah, that's why. Not because I'm a flake, because I love my friend and I want her superheroine to be superheroic. Yeah.).

Also, I didn't get a chance to participate in this Monday's Muse over at Maternal Spark, but that isn't stopping YOU from checking it out. Off you go! Yes, you! Get off your butt and go!

...Sheesh. Lazy buggers.

A little background

There are four of us that survived highschool with our friendships intact. The Four Amigos, the Four Horsewomen of the Wine-Induced Apocalypse (Haha, okay, I just made that up now, because I'm an idiot. We've never called ourselves that. But if we did, my highschool grad picture makes it pretty obvious who would be Death). (So many thanks to my friend J for digging that up and posting it on Facebook, where 30-somethings go to compare themselves to people they went to high school with, and subsequently feel inadequate).

Anyway, if you read my other blog at all you've probably already met Force of Nature. She's the kind of person you always want on your side...because you wouldn't want to go up against her. She's a masterminding, event planning, steamrolling mama bear of three. And she's totally in your corner.

The only one of us to escape this little patch of dirt and head for the coast is Politika. I'm calling her that because to me, wishy-washy non-partisan that I am, it seems like everything with her is political. Not in a bad way. Just in a very informed, articulate, exacting, opinionated way. When FoN and Politika get together, you can dry your hair off the whirlwind they create.

The fourth member of our quartet I was going to call Limp Noodle. Conversations with her are often a variation on the, "What do you want to do?" "I dunno, what do YOU want to do?" theme. But I've recently come to realize that she makes things happen just as deliberately as FoN, just without broadcasting. What she IS is an incurable romantic; she's in love with the idea of being in love. Everybody has a friend like her, who is sometimes exasperating because every relationship she is in is The! One!, but who restores your faith at the same time. So she's Valentina, and she's this weeks superhero.

Monday's Muse and Slackfest

Sometimes an artists inspiration is in the tools. This week my Monday Muse is the Bamboo Fun tablet I just bought. So. Cool.

Except it's also the reason my weekly superheroine is going to be a little late. Once you get going with the Bamboo, it's a whole lot faster to digitally ink & colour than with a mouse, but there's a bit of a learning curve. Hopefully she'll show her sassy self later on today.

Monday's Muse

Maternal Spark has created new meme where every Monday you post something that inspires you - a muse for the week.

So this week it's a two-tiered muse, a mug full of that always-inspiring wonder drug, CAFFEINE. It's also a mug that my good friend J gave me when Xander was born, and X is always inspiring (and ever-tiring). He inspires me to all kinds of creativity, but doesn't leave me enough time to do it. Ah, motherhood.

And yes, thats a sneak peek at next weeks super heroine in the background. Lucky you.

Super Mom saves the day

Todays superheroine is pretty self-explanatory. Doesn't everybody know one of those Super Moms, who can mow the lawn, make nutritious lunches, drop off the kids, take over a Fortune 500 company, reorganize the garage, scrapbook the first 15 years of her familys lives, and make a killing on the stock market, all before noon?

You'll note I said 'those' Super Moms, because I fall squarely into the "lucky if I make it out of pajamas, sprawled on the couch with a hefty glass of shiraz" category of moms. But that doesn't mean I can't give those other chicks the respect they deserve.

I also added archives for the super heroines, for those two people who might have an interest.

Like being gnawed on by guppies

A while ago Force of Nature's teenage daughter asked me,

"You still draw superheros and villains right? Because my friend and I were thinking, we were just talking, and we thought that wouldn't it funny, you know, if the villain were a lot of little T-Rexes? You know, like thousands of T-Rexes with their little front arms and they were all saying 'Rawr'. You know, just 'rawr'. Wouldn't that be funny? Huh? If the villain were T-Rexes?? Could you draw that for me? Or for my friend? Because she'd think that was funny. Wouldn't that be funny?"

Um...perhaps, if you're a 15 year old girl on crack. Which I seem to remember specifically recommending against.

But for some reason the idea of many tiny T-Rexes appealed (must be the 15 year old girl in me). And I liked the way the drawing turned out.

So, while not exactly a superhero, this week's drawing is for FoN's daughter and her friend, whoever you are. Don't let the T-Rexes get you down.

This weeks superheroine

Hasn't someone ever said something totally snarky and demeaning to you in front of, like, 20 people? And haven't you wanted to explode and melt their face off with your radioactive omega beams?

But you don't, even though they totally deserve it, because you're a fucking super hero.

This is about as deep as I get

In the interest of making this blog more about "me", I've added a weekly Superheroine (see sidebar). I'll post a new one every Monday. My superheroines are just like us, except they fight crime instead of dust bunnies, attend Justice League meetings instead of PTA functions, and look fantastic in spandex.

I feel compelled to point out that I was a comic nerd long before Hollywood ran out of movie plots and began pirating every comic book, video game, and crappy merchandising gimmick available (please, nobody tell me that there is/was/will be a Bratz movie. I'm sure it's true, but to know with utter certainty will force me to perform a murder-suicide and take out my entire family). Ages before everyone else knew who Wolverine was, I had a total crush on "Patch". I sort of blame the A-ha video for making my hobby worse; if I just read enough comics, someone might offer their ink-and-four colour hand and help me into that world.

Don't get me wrong. I'm on board with the cross-pollination of genres. Every first-year art student knows you're supposed to push the borders. And, fangirl that I am, I totally squee when they get it right. I just kind of think some things are best left true to their form. With enough inbreeding, all you produce is mutants, ya know? And not the cool kind that read your mind or shoot lasers out of their eyes. The squalling kind that wear their guts on the outside and should be put out of their misery at birth.

(Okay, that would be kind of cool too.)