One of these days this body is going to be the death of me

I had good intentions as I always do about blogging regularly again and then I sort of wandered off. As I always do. In my defense though my body decided that the hormone supplement that I've been on for almost five years was suddenly way more than it wanted to accept and so after about 20 vials' worth of blood tests to figure out why I felt like ass, it was discovered that I had fourteen times the amount of progesterone that I should.

Which, for future reference, makes you feel like ass.

So that should be all fixed up, dosage-wise, and I feel better already. You wouldn't think it would take that much energy to mash a keyboard, but there you go.

My dose is WAY lower than it was before which means it's not $85 a month, which sucks. You'd think that affordable meds would be a good thing but the $85 a month was covered by my insurance (most of the time) and so I'd pay for it up front with my credit card and get points, and ring it through with my drug store loyalty card and get points there too, and then I'd get paid back so basically it was 5 minutes of my time and a bunch of points.

GAME THE SYSTEM. WIN THE POINTS.

Anyway, I'm back.

How to avoid the Zombie Flu, er, H1N1, if you don't trust the vaccine like certain paranoid individuals

This is kind of remedial, but I know people forget to take care of themselves. Especially Moms. I'm pretty sure that's why the H1N1 has been doing away with otherwise healthy women; they were too damn busy taking care of everybody else.

So! Listen up, class:

1. Wash your hands. Sing Happy Birthday while doing so. I don't know why your hands need to be serenaded, but it's in all the literature. Possibly your singing will scare the germs away.

Don't ask me about hand sanitizers, because you'll just get a rant about breeding new supergerms that are going to garrotte us in our sleep. I'm sure they're fine though.

2. Drink lots of hot liquids. Y'know, coffee with Baileys, mulled wine, hot rum toddys.

3. Ingest things that have a lot of Vitamin C. Like Screwdrivers and mimosas.

4. Gargle with salt water. It's okay, I'm sure YOU look totally dignified.

5. Rinse your nasal passages with salt water. I use a neti pot (or as hubby calls it, my "nose flute"), and have for years. I've been trying to teach my toddler, but he screams like he's being waterboarded. He's just not trying, I swear. It's like he wants to get sick.

6. And finally, if you're sick, STAY THE FUCK HOME. Quit trying to be a hero. You'll infect the rest of the office, who will infect the FedEx guy, who will show up at my house with a package and...you see where this is going, right?

Do you want to be responsible for the FedEx guy getting shot in the face because I thought he was a zombie?

No, I didn't think so. Stay healthy, everybody.