Crying fowl

My house is a few blocks away from the city park, in the middle of which is a huge man-made lake. It's really pretty, when it's not ripe with decaying algae or your escapee dog isn't taunting you from the middle of it while you scream ineffectually from the shore.

However, for the last three nights, I have been roused from my precious slumber at 3am by ducks. What sounds like hundreds of ducks, or geese, having a waterfowl rave. Or maybe an orgy.

(A whole new meaning to the phrase "fuck a duck".)

What is the most disturbing part of this is that I can't get back to sleep again. Any kind of sleeplessness is highly unusual for me; I can sleep anywhere, anytime. But something about the nasal honking of hundreds of ducks (with maybe a couple of screaming seagulls thrown in) gives me anxiety. They sound...French.

(Uh, nothing against the french, of course. Though if thousands of them converged on the lake in the wee hours of the morning, I probably wouldn't be pleased either.)

I complained at work this morning and got informed that they were returning from their winter migration. So I guess they all have to talk about their vacation? Whether they got the all-inclusive or just did the hostel thing?

Do they have to do it at 3am, though?

I asked hubby if he would mind slaughtering the ducks on his way home from work. He works the night shift and he's driving right past there; it's not like it would be out of his way. He said he'd consider it, and then on his way out the door he said, "So what am I doing on the way home? Hitting ducks with the car?"

Because I'm not tired ENOUGH, now I have to lay awake worrying about whether he's going to drive our car into the lake while trying to be chivalrous.

Inconsiderate fucking ducks.

Tis the season for multiple homicides, fa la la la la, la la la

Today kicked off Happy Family Time, which is to say that hubby has a few days off and it finally feels like Christmas. I had big plans for today - we were going to wake up late, have some waffles and bacon, and go out and let our combined bonuses buy us a replacement for our tv, which is 20" and has a weird permanent splash of orange in the bottom left corner. Possibly we were going to have a group nap, and we were definitely going to get the tree up and decorated before the 23rd of December for once in our lives.

Naturally that meant the toddler woke up early and crabby, we didn't get waffles OR bacon, and we didn't get anywhere close to leaving the house. Other than hubby, who fled the scene (ostensibly to borrow a saw to saw off the bottom off the Christmas tree, because I know we have one but do you think I can fucking find it?) when I bellowed at our whiny 2 year old, "WE. ARE. HAVING. HAPPY FAMILY TIME!"

Our group nap was interrupted by an unannounced visit from the inlaws, who brought brightly wrapped presents for our son and then told him he couldn't open them. Of course. Because toddlers totally get that, right?

Anyway. Somewhere around then I pulled my own head out of my ass and decided to just roll with the punches, and it didn't even have anything to do with alcohol. (Though it might have had something to do with flogging my MIL through a snowy field pulling a 40-lb toddler on the sled she brought him, because I was *ahem* too busy taking pictures to pull him myself. Warmed my heart to see her getting some exercise, I tell ya.) Happy Family Time did indeed turn into actual happy family time, and I even got some cookies baked.

And we got the tree up on the 20th. SCORE.

It's like a train wreck, you can't look away and people get weirded out if you start going through pockets: Random Tuesday Thoughts

Yes, folks, it's that day again. Time to belly on up to the Random Tuesday bar and let me pour you a shot of whatthefuckisshetalkingabout. (It's new, just got put on the shelves.) Then keep the party happening on your own blogs!

So, Disney bought Marvel Entertainment. I wish I'd known it was for sale, I'm sure I have 4 billion laying around here someplace. But anyway, who wants to take bets on how long it takes for gay and bisexual characters like Northstar and Rictor to get unceremoniously shoved back in the closet? Not that Marvel had a ton of them to begin with. But they were making progress. I know Disney's all family-friendly; at least, if it's the right kind of family.

C'mon, someone prove me wrong here.

On the other hand, hopefully this means they'll stop attempting to make Punisher movies.

I spend a lot of time on this site, horrifying myself by what's in the beauty products I use. Go on. I dare you.

Most disturbing Twilight fanatic stuff to date:

Edward shower curtain

Edward My Little Pony Mod

Twilight-inspired dildo

This morning I had a dream that I was trying to get frisky with hubby and he rejected me, getting mad and telling me I was a liar because I didn't really find him attractive. For the record, obviously I find him very attractive (and my dream self has a lot more energy than my real self in the morning). I told him about it; he seemed more interested in the frisky part than whether his dream-self was mad at me. But when I got home from work he offered me 12 roses, to apologize for his dream-self being an ass. Also to make it abundantly clear that he would not reject my frisky self under ANY circumstances.

I wonder what I can lie dream about tomorrow morning?

I totally missed my blogoversary. It was last Monday. So I'm having an extra glass of wine to celebrate. Feel free to do the same.

Who knew that I, with the attention span of a gnat, would manage to

Oh holy shit this is the funniest kid's toy ever!

Hubby also broke the computer chair the other day. He blames girthiness. I blame leaning further than crappy Wal-Mart computer chairs are meant to lean. Either way, now I'm sitting on a folding chair.

My butt hurts.

In unrelated news, this may be the shortest RTT ever. See, I told you it would be quick and painful. Now grab the button and link up!

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Are you random yet? You should be random. Why aren't you random?

Wheee! It's that time o' the week - time to let all your randomness hang out. So c'mon - you've spent the weekend celebrating your independence, now join the damn crowd! Write a post that contains nary a segue, grab that funky purple button, and link up!

I'm tapping this out on my awkward laptop because I was working on a logo/business card for a friend (all my software is on here). The friend hasn't responded well to my usual approach to these requests, which is to ignore it and make excuses until they a) forget they asked in the first place, b) get pissed off enough to ask someone else or c) move on to some other kind of business endeavour. For some reason he keeps phoning no matter how often I grunt a non-response.

This friend is half responsible for my "I'm blogging" excuse, though. He was the one who said to me sometime last summer: "Do you have a blog? You should have a blog. Why don't you have a blog?".

Bet he's sorry now.

On a tangent that is totally unrelated because this is supposed to be random, that's pretty much how hubby and I got together. Someone said: "Are you dating? You should be dating. Why aren't you dating?"

And look how well that turned out. So, hey! High hopes for this whole blog thing.

Yes, I am highly suggestible, why do you ask?

You ever have a whole post planned around photographic evidence that turns out to not look that impressive after all?

I hate that.

If my son makes it to adulthood with all his limbs and eyes and the majority of his skull intact, I'm throwing a huge fucking party. You read it here first.

What brought that on? Oh, just, EVERYTHING HE DOES.

I've been getting a LOT of google searches along the lines of "what to do with your girlfriend". I'm going to take the high road and assume these people are looking for date ideas, but I have no idea how they end up here. Hubby and I don't really get to go on dates anymore, and even when we did, we spent a lot of the time with our backs to each other on separate computers, playing MMOs. We're those uber geeky people whose avatars get married in-game.

Well, except for the part where I would never fucking do that.

At any rate, I totally don't recommend suggesting that as a fun date to the majority of girlfriends.

(Just the awesomest ones. Heh)

In New Zealand, an ad agency created a billboard that bleeds when it rains to remind people to drive according to the road conditions. Um, am I the only one who would drive into the fucking ditch after seeing a bleeding billboard?

Okay, gotta go continue my charity work now. Random it up, ya'll!*

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*I feel I can say this because I'm still drinking mojitos.

Since ya'll asked

(and because I didn't get my poop in a group for a regular post)

(It's surprisingly difficult to take a picture of your own hand)