Land ho

Every summer I do this.  I purchase dirt.

Every summer part of me marvels at the absurdity of it.  I mean, I’m buying dirt.  Dirt.  The stuff you can dig up anywhere, that is generally equated with no monetary value whatsoever.  (“Cheap as dirt” is actually not a very good saying, since this little pile here cost me $146.  One hundred and forty six dollars for dirt.)

But there is another tiny part of me that gets immense satisfaction out of it.  It’s as though I feel like I own more of my property now, or something.  If I foreclose on my mortgage, I can be all, “No way, that pile there is bought and paid for.  Imma take that with me.”

Now I just need someone to shovel it.

(You people living on farms and beaches can stop laughing at me now.)

In related news, there’s this:

The first mojito of the season.

(Yeah, I mix them straight in the shaker.  It’s bigger.  Shut up.)

Man, I love summer.

Possibly Barbie didn’t like Ken stealing her jeans: Random Tuesday Thoughts

Oh, hi!  I didn’t see you there.  Behind the massive pile of empty Lindt chocolate wrappers.  Um…just let me move those.

I don’t have a problem, you know.  Just the occasional binge.  Once a year, really.

Well, okay, Hallowe’en too. 

And, yes, Christmas.  Thanksgiving is also a problem.  Really that whole season is always a bit of a blur…all of these holidays seem like cleverly-designed plots to make me gain another 5 lbs.  I’m not sure who I should complain to about that.

Anyway!  It’s Tuesday!  You know what that means, right?  Write your own random post, grab a button, leave a link and then go shower your fellow V-Day survivors with love! (You have some left, right?)

Levis has a new jeans style for men: The Ex-Girlfriend Jean.  Because…of course they do.  They’re uber-skinny jeans, stretchy, with a nice crotch-hugging effect which works out well, since obviously there are no balls there anymore.

(Does anybody else think we’re getting a little androgynous?  Like we’re aspiring to be that sexless race of highly-evolved alien type humanoids, but we want to get there tomorrow?)

*sings sadly*  Where have all…the real men gone…and where… *sob* ..are all the gods? Where’s the street-wise Heeerrrrculeeees *sniffle* to fight…the rising odds?

How was your Valentine’s Day?  Alfred and I don’t really acknowledge it, because, we don’t like to get mired down in “expectations” and “doing stuff for each other”.  But he usually brings me chocolates.  It’s a bit of a highwire act, what with the “you’re trying to make me fat?!” reaction versus the “you didn’t get me anything?!” reaction.  I think he errs on the side of caution, however, since at least if I’m placated with chocolate I’m less likely to cut a bitch.

I had a very productive weekend full of job applications and drawing comics.  Also, chocolate.

StumbleUpon somehow knew I would like this.  I’m sure I’m on a list somewhere now.  They’ll either be watching me very carefully or asking me to visit small warring countries with a sniper rifle in a diplomatic pouch.

Battlepug.  That…pretty much explains itself.  Interestingly, I have high hopes for the storyline.

How come you never draw comics about YOUR ugly pets?  Oh, fine.  You can just write a random post.  And link up.  I’M SO DEMANDING.

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Where are my hover shoes, dammit? (Random Tuesday Thoughts)

IT.  IS.  TWENTY ELEVEN.

That is all.  Carry on with the random.

I didn’t manage to gain my 5lbs in December.  In fact, I weighed myself today and I haven’t gained any weight.  I mean, I knew it was hard to lose weight – I’ve never been the sort of person who could give up chewing gum and lose 5 pounds as a result – but I had no idea it was hard to gain it, too.  However, apparently I can eat every Christmas treat in front of me and chug nog for a solid month, without any ill effects.

This is fascinating information to have.

I finally went ahead and booked my flight to Nashville for the BlissDom conference at the end of the month.  Yay!

I should probably tell my boss I’m going to that, huh?

Did you all have a good New Year’s Eve?  I remember when it used to be a thing for me.  There was excitement, anticipation, more than a few cocktails. We considered carefully what we would wear, we tried desperately to get rid of our shifts at work if we had them.  Even if you didn’t make plans the weeks or months in advance, there was always something going on.

The last few years, though, not as much.  This year, Alfred had to work, though he was home by 10.  I had a glass of wine and watched the second episode of Walking Dead, and went to bed at 11.  I was probably still awake when midnight rolled around, but only because I was lying there shivering and imagining how I’ll get home to protect my family if the Zombie Apocalypse hit while I am in Nashville.

So, just like every other night, really.

A couple of days ago I ordered some books online and I was going to include Eat Pray Love  because MindyAnn recommended it a while ago and also I’m probably the last person on the planet to read it.  But then they only had a used copy and it was going to be 2 weeks to ship and blah blah, I figured I’d just go buy one in the next couple of days.

Then today my Mom gave me my Christmas present, which included a copy of Eat Pray Love. 

Don’t you just love Christmas miracles?

I feel like I should have been more productive over my little break.  I was going to brush up on my Mac skills, do some drawing.  Instead I drank a lot of wine and watched non-PBSKids television for the first time in 2 years.  I’m sort of disappointed in myself.  I could have built a lightsaber, or something.

It was really good television though.

Muppets with people eyes.  Warning:  You cannot unsee this.

Okay, now I’m going to go read my book.  And learn how to Pray and maybe Love.  I have the Eating down to an art form already.

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Whatever happened to that thing, with that person…?

Seeing as it’s a new year (Rabbit!) I thought I’d tie up a few loose ends.  You know, those things that you sometimes blog about and then become a non-issue in your world, so you forget to tell everybody how it all turned out? 

So whatever happened with…

…the ultrsound call-back to tell me about my liver tumor gall bladder?

Okay, it wasn’t a liver tumor OR an ossified fetus (though there are some benign cysts on my liver).  According to my doc, it wasn’t anything, and the pain and discomfort I’ve been feeling on that side of my body must be muscular.  She prescribed me some muscle relaxants that did nothing at all.  I still feel like I have an extra organ in there or something.

…the meditation?

Um, well, I haven’t been back.  Not that I didn’t like it, just that it’s hard to coordinate my mother and I to get there, and I feel underqualified to go by myself (if one can be underqualified to breathe).  Still want to go again though.  More breathing in 2011!

…the South Beach diet?

I’d probably be posting bikini shots of myself by now if I’d stuck with it, so let’s just say that it’s not conducive to life during December (or October…or November).

…the dream job?

Well, I didn’t get it, obviously.  I didn’t even get an interview, despite my well-matched qualifications, and when I called to inquire why, they only said “There were better-qualified applicants”.  Which of course I assumed means I just suck.  The career counsellor I’m working with assures me that sometimes they already have a candidate in mind, but are obliged to post the job anyway.  On good days I believe her.

…the fridge?

I know you were hanging on the edge of your seat with this one.  C’mon, the state of my household appliances affects your mental health, I know.

Anyway, it’s still going.  It continues to make dreadful noises (including some kind of hissing sound from underneath that makes me concerned that it will burst into flames), but still keeps things cold.  Replacing it during the Boxing Day sales would have made the most sense, which means that it will crap out when appliances are the most expensive.  So, like, June? 

And now you’re all caught up.  What are you doing to start the new year?

More Christmassy crap, covered in glitter because it’s festive: Random Tuesday Thoughts

So….it’s the holiday version of Random Tuesday Thoughts, the one where I’m happy and seasonal (or well seasoned) and positive about Christmas!  Rather than the one where I’m sluggish with turkey dinner and too much nog and inlaw overdose. 

(That’s what you have to look forward to NEXT week.)

So, has anybody got time to get random or are you all frantically baking cookies?

(Do you have extra?  I’ll email you my address.  I have less than 2 weeks to meet my goal of five extra pounds on my ass by New Years’.)

I’m having nog.  Of course.  Why is it that the uber-light, 0%, pretty much tasteless nog is still 210 calories a cup?

His motivations are murky, but I’m pretty sure it’s because Jesus hates my involvement in Christmas.

Speaking of nog, here’s a lovely little item from two years ago, when we spent New Years’ with the inlaws in Hellville.  It was the classy mural on the front of the hotel bar.

Guess where we’re headed for Christmas?

FoN and I tried to recreate the drunken alien angel crafting spectacle this weekend and failed miserably.  Neither of us had anything for craft supplies, not even glow-in-the-dark drinking straws, and we weren’t brave enough to venture out to Michael’s (holiday craft shoppers are insane, you guys).  So we decided we’d drink and wrap presents instead, but we had to keep all the kids in the basement, and there was a lot of “Moooommm, he’s hitting me!” and hysterical non-sleeping and “Mooooooomm, he pinched me!” so we got about 3 presents done and then I had to take my hitting-and-pinching preschooler home.

Christmas would be way more fun without the children.

Farmville for Dummies.  Sadly, yes, really.

Apparently there’s a lunar eclipse tonight, happening on the winter solstice for the first time in 400 years or something?  If I wake up and find out I missed the apocalypse, I’m gonna be pissed.

I’m not sure why but I have “Everybody’s Working for the Weekend” in my head.

Everybody wants a little romance, oh yeeaaaaahhhh yeah yeah!

Does everybody want to play Random Tuesday Thoughts?

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