Dear So-and-So

I haven't done this in a while. It's good fun. If you want to play, head on over to Kat's and grab her butt.

Dear FTC,

Thank you for scaring the crap out of some of my bloggy friends. I'm curious as to how an American institution thinks it can police the entire Internet. I'm Canadian. Come n' get me.

Loves a freebie

Dear Mother Nature,

Fuck you. No, really. I don't care if you hit my house with a hurricane, it needs to be said.

Stood up by Summer

Dear 30 Day Shred,

You're 20 fucking minutes long. How hard can you be?

Also Taunts Rabid Dogs

Dear So and So...

Dear Bitterness

Dear 98% of the Blogoverse that is attending BlogHer,

Eff you. I hate you all.

Love, "No really I'm not bitter" Keely

Dear Self,

Maybe you should have gotten your shit together 6 months ago and arranged to go to BlogHer.

Love, Me

Dear Universe at Large,

Can you please stop presenting me with blog material that, for reasons of morality and protecting the innocent and yada yada, I can't fucking blog about? Give me something I can use, yo.

Love, "Think of the children" Keely

Dear So and So...

Go see Kat for more bitterness letters!

Dear So and So

Dear Kid on the Bike,

Yes, I realize that you belong to the halfway house down the street, and that you've probably had a terrible life and your mother doesn't love you and you likely have FAS. However, I've known several people who work for the organization that cares for you and I'm pretty sure that they don't teach you that your situation gives you the right to be an asshole.

In other words, please stop tormenting my dog by biking slooooooowwly past the fence while she loses her mind and disturbs the entire neighbourhood, because I've repeatedly asked you not to. And please stop using the pile of dirt on my driveway as a ramp for your bike. I realize it's been there a while, but I do have a plan for it and it's not much good to me if it's spread to the four corners of the city. Also, I've repeatedly asked you not to.

Now get off of my lawn and pick up your feet,


Dear Elderly Neighbour,

I'm very sorry that you are disappointed that my son hasn't lived up to your (entirely unfounded) prediction of early verbosity. I assure you that he isn't doing it intentionally. Please stop dropping un-subtle hints regarding his intelligence.

Now get off of my lawn and pick up your feet,


Dear So and So...