Might have to just start making things up. Because I don’t already do that. Much.

You know that one friend you have, who gets a new boyfriend, and that’s all she can talk about, and then she sort of falls off the face of the planet and the rest of you are sitting around having coffee 4 months later idly wondering, “Whatever happened to so-and-so?”

Apparently I’m like that with new jobs.

Except, I can’t really talk about it, because it’s all very important and proprietary and has seven layers of security clearance.

Honest.

Okay, fine.  I can’t really talk about it because people at work read my blog.

(Side note: Don’t ever let that happen, if you want to tell a story and maintain any sense of originality.  I couldn’t figure out why they were looking at me funny when I was talking about my childhood blanket burrito, and then they were all, “Yeah.  We already read that on your blog.”)

So I can’t talk about work, and I don’t discuss my relationship, and the whole point of this blog was NOT to talk about my kid.  I’ve effectively narrowed my bloggable options down to the state of my uterus, and what I had for lunch.

(The same, and leftover spinach salad.)

Hm.  So.  See you in six months?

Doing it all. Or not. Whatever floats your boat.

I read a post the other day about work-outside-the-home moms, and how friggin’ hard it can be (duh), and how asking someone how she “does it all” can be a really awkward question to field.

I don’t know why.  The answer is obviously “artificial nanite enhancement”.

While I can definitely sympathize with some of the woes (I get to be the primary earner AND do most of the housework?  Yay!), I haven’t actually worked outside of the home full time since my son was born.  I got my years’ maternity leave, because Canada rocks, and then I went back to work part-time.  I bumped it up to four full days a week a little while later.  But that 5th day, I just couldn’t do it.  I needed that day, to actually hang out together as a family, to maybe go to the gym and do some writing.  Though it was sometimes a financial struggle, it was my own way of keeping the mythical work-life Balance. 

Which, by the way, everybody claims to be an advocate for, and says they totally understand and respect that things get left undone for the sake of Balance.  But the reaction I invariably got when I told people I only worked Tuesday to Friday was this:

“Oh!” (haughty sniff) “THAT must be nice.”

The implication being that I am somehow failing to “do it all”.  Clearly I must be living a life of privilege. 

It was usually at that point that I elected not to inform them that we had house cleaners, too. 

With the new job, I’ll finally be back to working a full week.  My mother has even bequeathed me her collection of Working Woman silk scarves from her own corporate days. (I was disappointed – I thought they were a standard-issue perk from the Corporate World.  I didn’t know you had to provide your own.)

(It sounds like a momentous occasion, this passing of the accessories, but the job is not that corporate.  I think my Mom just likes to get rid of her stuff.)

I am totally fine with the return to the full-time hours, by the way.  It’s time.  My kid needs the routine of daycare, and I need something that I can immerse myself in and be passionate about.  I just hope I don’t become one of those people who rolls their eyes when they encounter someone lucky enough to be forging their own mythical Balance.

And I’m going to have to hire the cleaners back.

The one (and only) where I try to sell you things. THINGS THAT MIGHT KEEP YOU HEALTHY. You’re welcome.

Anybody remember how a little while ago I mentioned I was considering becoming a rep for a company called OnlyGreen? No? It’s okay, I assume that I’m talking to myself most of the time.

But anyway, I went ahead and did just that, became an "Eco Advisor" for OnlyGreen. Anybody who knows me realizes that this kind of thing is, well, not really my thing. I mean, it involves sales. And talking passionately about stuff. Stuff that is not the Zombie Apocalypse.

(Seriously, you guys really need to start fortifying and stockpiling.)

But, I like the concept of OnlyGreen because there is a lot of scary information out there, about pthalates and parabens and PVCs and what they can do to us (and the planet, though personally I think that once we poison ourselves and all die from cancer that the planet will be fine). And I totally understand why a person would choose to NOT try to wade through that constantly-shifting information, and instead assume that the FDA knows what they're doing and Big Pharma truly does have our best interests in mind and lalalalalalalala I can't heeeeaaaaaaar you.

Because otherwise you end up whimpering and rocking in a corner, unable to bathe or eat or wear anything other than a burlap sack.

What was my point?

Oh, right. OnlyGreen just does all the research FOR you. All their products are subject to stringent criteria for eco-friendliness and sustainable harvesting and lack of the kind of chemicals that might grow you an extra liver or make your face fall off. It makes it easy to choose products that are truly "green", instead of just labelled that way. And as we all know...every little bit helps.

So that is all I'm going to say about THAT, because shilling wares is not what this blog is about (I don't know what it IS about, still, but it's not that)(Also, that's what TWITTER is for, mwahhahhahah). I'll put up a permanent link up top (once I figure out how to do that without breaking my blog) and then shut the fuck up. If there's enough interest, periodically I might hold an "Eco Workshop" where I give you little factoids about the amount of endocrine-altering chemicals your PVC dildo is offgassing, or how everytime you buy a Proctor & Gamble product they kill a kitten*, and then I might offer you some discounts. But if there's little to no interest, I'll happily go back to just being your RTT bitch.

*Totally facetious. I'm pretty sure P&G lets them grow up to be cats first.**

**Again, facetious. Please don't sue me.