I have the Discovery Channel now, and it's terrifying: Random Tuesday Thoughts

randomtuesday

It's that time again, kids! And it almost snuck up on me AGAIN. One of these weeks I'm going to be blithely looking through my reader, thinking, "Why does everybody have these old RTT posts up?", and then going, oooohhhhhhhhh.

(I'm thinking that will be some time in June. Does that work for you guys?)

Let us begin!

This morning I thought I should start my week out right by scaring the crap out of someone, so I sent this link to Steenky Bee. You know how everyone keeps sending me zombie stuff? Yeah, that's what I did there. If you're afraid of the impending robot attack too, I wouldn't click on it. It's like HAL and that girl from The Ring got together and had a kid. And then stuffed it into a Chuckie doll.

Anyway, she retaliated by telling me about how the Japanese (Honda, to be specific) have invented a device that you attach to your head and it reads your thoughts. And then bosses a human-shaped robot into doing what you thought about. So you can like, close the trunk of your car with YOUR MIND.

Is this really necessary?

I mean, how long until someone (*cough*therobot*cough*) hacks the technology and uses it to control your mind?

...I'm sorry, I had something else important to say, but I have this overwhelming urge to go and buy a Civic.


I wonder what ever happened to that atom smasher they built under Switzerland? You know, the one they were trying to use to recreate the Big Bang that had the potential to suck us all into a black hole instead? A bunch of nuclear physicists stated their concerns and then we never heard any more about it. I mean, I think we'd notice if we were suddenly BAMF'D into an alternate dimension.

Or maybe not. Maybe there are some alien beings in our old galaxy wondering, "Hey, what happened to that nice little blue planet? You know, the one full of apes with cell phones?".

Chocolate you huff. Can it be that good?

They should invent alcohol you huff, too.

Oh, wait...Lysol.


Why aren't the inventors of huffable chocolate, mind control devices, and Snuggies all working on a cure for cancer?

Do they not have the space? I'm planning to clean out my garage, they can come here. Seriously. I have wine, and some Oreos.

That bag I posted about yesterday? It was this one. I was sad I didn't win it, too, but uh - I'm pretty sure it's not very "me". Or something. If I chant that long enough I could almost believe it.

Oh well, next fashion show.

(I love how the site suggests I pair it with a $300 wedge sandal and a $1600 satchel. Oooh, yes, why don't I pick up TWO? You know, for emergencies).


And this week there is no segue. How random. So! You know what to do! Or, if you're new here, in brief: grab the button. Put it on your random-style post. Leave your deets with Mr. Linky. And then visit some of your fellow bloggers for a peek inside their brain!

Um, well their thoughts. Not their brain. That might be icky.

And always, don't forget to go visit co-host Kelly at Baby Boogers and leave your link too! Happy Tuesday!


Forks and the popularity of procreating

So, yup, that time of week...again. I'd assume that you guys are sick of listening to the arbitrary crap my brain spews forth, except that you keep coming by, and well, what's a blog for after all? I guzzled all the had some guests drink all my wine, so I can't assure you of the weirdness quality of today's Random Thoughts, but I bet if you head over to the Neurotic Mom she's got something better.

Er, wait. I mean after you read mine. AFTER!

Ahem.

I wonder if...I mean, do you think...sometimes I...

CRAP. I have a Christmas song stuck in my head. Already? It's the first of December! It's not letting any random thoughts in. Grrr. I won't tell you what song it is, lest it gets stuck in your head too, but it rhymes with "Pringles Smell". And then it segues into 'Elmo's World', because if you've heard that a thousand times like I have, they're pretty much the same thing. Okay, I'm going to go stick a fork in my eye, that should get rid of it. Hang on.

...

Kay. It's gone. I'd better get these random thoughts out before the ambulance comes.

I wonder what your online avatars think about when you log out of your game and they're condemned to the empty void of offline-ness? Do they just stand there holding their sword and twiddling their thumbs? Do you think they angrily plot your demise for leaving them there, and that's why they're so happy to hack through virtual enemies when you log back in?

I read yet another post a while ago about the whole 'Motrin' thing and how the Motrin ad implied that babies are just the latest accessory. I mean, that's outrageous. Except that...they kind of ARE. I mean, not to me or anybody I know personally, but it sure seems like it's suddenly overly socially acceptable to be pregnant or somebody's mom. All the Hollywood celebs are doing it - if THAT doesn't say 'accessory' I don't know what does - and I see babies EVERYWHERE now. The month before I had Xander was an all-time record number of births at that hospital. And if you do a quick google search, the number of births per capita is on the rise in pretty much every Western country.

I bet it's a conspiracy. We're all being geared through media and marketing towards producing as many babies as we can. And then to buy swanky accessories for our little accessories. Who will then grow up and spawn more tiny consumers to buy accessories for.

I have no idea who's behind it, but I'm thinking it's Disney. If I suddenly go missing, I expect you guys to stage a full-on raid of the Disney corporate office.

Okay, that last tangent was pretty deep...for me. I better start thinking about cake.

Mmmm...cake.

I'm hungry.

Crap, Casey probably read that. Um...I meant..."better hit the treadmill". Yep. That's what I meant.

Before I dig myself too deep (or Disney does it for me), I'd better stop. Got a collection of off-the-top-of-your-head thoughts you want to share? Or suddenly feel inspired to make a bunch up? Grab the button, slap it up there, and start rambling. And then leave me a comment so I can link ya up.

Jumping on the bandwagon of scattered thoughts this week are:

1. Heddy over at Maternal Spark

2. Erin Tales over at The Mom Buzz

3. ArtSnark - check out her Etsy shop, it rocks!

4. Michelle at Michelle's Blog

5. Julie at the Cool Mom Guide

6. Ginny Marie at Lemon Drop Pie

7. Pauvre Plume

And then someone ELSE thought it was actually a good idea

Okay, so, this blog is supposed to be mostly about non-parenting things, and this is something that I wouldn't have found about unless I was a parent. But I maintain that if I did find out somehow without having children, my reaction would have been...pretty much the same.

Diaper cakes. Um, wtf?

I have yet to see an actual diaper cake, so I'm semi-convinced that they're some great big internet hoax. I stumbled across one on ebay while I was pregnant and looking for cloth diapers (because I had yet another grand work-at-home idea about sewing diapers and they'd be ever so popular and in high demand and I'd be making money by the boatload because I would have SO MUCH TIME on my hands to sew diapers *snort*) and I kind of sat back in my chair (okay, I didn't really, because I was already sitting way back to accomodate my girthiness, but you get the idea) and raised my eyebrows. Diaper cakes? Like, it's a cake and somehow garnished with diapers?

How would you even ship that?

No, wait. THERE'S NO ACTUAL CAKE? You're telling me that someone is forming diapers and various accoutrements into the shape of a cake, and then taunting pregnant women with it? Like, here's some chocolate cake for your baby shower - but it's actually just diapers, psych?

Does that seem wise?

You see why I might be thinking it's an internet hoax? Some stoned teenagers were sitting around in their basement trying to come up with the most disgusting combos they could:

"Dude, nachos with spider legs!"
"No, man, hummus with human snot in it!"
"Dude - a cake with poopy diapers in it!"
*high pitched giggling all round*
"Omg - omg - we should totally post that on ebay."
"Omg you're right!"

...and then one of them actually remembered to do it.

Give the Devil his interest payments

Have I mentioned that Paul is a major Metallica fan? Like, rabid, dyed-in-the-wool, card-carrying-fan-club-member-who-never-listens-to-anything-else-except-maybe-the-rare-brave-foray-into-Megadeth-territory? Yeah, still.

Anyway, Metallica is going on tour. Again. Because that's what respectable forty-something parents do, they climb into busses and go on the road and scream about all the anger they don't have, and they release albums shaped like coffins in an attempt to convince us that they are really still all about the death and the pain and the anger, and not about parenting and golf and their 401K. But they are, in fact, in league with the Devil Ticketmaster.

As a card-carrying fan club member, Paul is entitled to four advance sales tickets, which went on sale yesterday at 10am. Yesterday at 10:05 he bolted up the stairs, yelping in a panic, "I need my Visa!!".

"Um, what?" I reply. "You can't. It's frozen."

(See, a few months ago I decided it would be a good idea to get some equity out of the house that is worth considerably more than when we bought it, and do some renos and consolidate some debt. That process was started in May, and I just got the money for it a few days ago. So JUST LAST WEEK we paid off my student loans, my line of credit, and Paul's Visa, which I promptly froze into a block of ice and stuffed in the freezer. For emergencies. NOT FUCKING METALLICA TICKETS.)

"Ticketmaster won't take PayPal! I have like 3 minutes to process these tickets - I need my Visa!!"

"Well use my debit Mastercard, it comes out of my account, and you can just give me the money," I reason calmly. At which point I notice he's taken the lump of ice out of the freezer and is brandishing a hammer.

"I don't have the money NOW," he practically shrieks in anguish, "I only had it in PAYPAL!"

"You can't break that!" I snap, "It's frozen!" ...as if it's frozen in carbonite, not water, and hitting it with a hammer will shatter it's soul forever, or at least the Visa will be a little groggy and useless for a while.

"I have like, 30 seconds!" he bellows, already outside smashing the ice block on our front walk. In his pajamas. As if the neighbours didn't think we were crazy before.

I just grit my teeth as he goes thundering back down the stairs waving his Visa triumphantly. Good thing I went to all that work to pay it down. Because he's SO likely to pay off those charges promptly.

"I am cutting it up now," I say tightly as he comes back up the stairs, out of breath from ordering those tickets online. "Never mind the stupid block of ice, clearly it's ineffective."

"You can't," he says serenely, "I need the original Visa to claim the tickets." He hands it back to me.

I have a mental list of people or companies that are conspiring to keep people in the dark, in debt, or generally miserable. Metallica, Visa, and Ticketmaster just muscled their way to the front of the line. One of these days - I swear! - Security is going to have to ask them to leave.