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    Entries in concerts (10)


    A few observations on a Metallica concert

    1. I am WAY too old for "standing room" tickets.

    2. Hubby is apparently also way too old to hoist me onto his shoulders so I can flash the band. Hmph.

    3. Fire and lasers are awesome, and should probably be included in every live music show. Giant lighting rigs shaped like coffins are also cool, but probably not terribly appropriate for, say, Alicia Keys.

    4. Want me to have fun? Drop hundreds of beach balls from the ceiling.

    5. Metallica attracts fans in all shapes, sizes, colors, and ages. Also, the children of all of those people.

    6. There are always assholes who think the "no smoking" signs don't apply to them.

    7. Earplugs are your friend, and I probably should have remembered them. Really, really should have remembered them.

    8. I'm sorry, did you say something?

    9. If you somehow manage to get up on stage, expect to be immediately and violently tackled by 400 pounds of Security personnel. You should probably also expect to be frogmarched off the stage by 800 pounds of Security, while the band giggles over the photographers' shots of you getting your eye sockets crushed into the metal staging.

    10. ...Pretty much anybody can be taught to bellow the refrain to "Seek and Destroy".


    We were close enough to see their thinning hair. Wait, that was EVERYBODY in the stadium. Well, we were really close. This isn't very wordless.


    The stadium has a SPA, right?

    So, as mentioned, tomorrow we're off to Winnipeg bright and early* to see Metallica in concert, and my MIL is staying in our house to look after our son.

    I think I have everything covered on my checklist.

    Black clothing and barely repressed anger...check.

    Road trip snacks and Go Girl...check.

    Clearly labeled box of dildos under the bed, nightstand full of bottles of booze, and medicine cabinet stuffed with arsenic and eyeballs...check.

    Impeccably clean house ready to pass the white glove test...ah...well...fuck it.

    It'll give her something to do.

    *So, like, 11am.


    Some people climb into tiger cages, I set myself up for situations like this

    I may have mentioned this, but probably not, because I don't need to tell you people ANYTHING, okay? October is a busy month and I actually just noticed in any meaningful way that it was sneaking up on me. Next week, I'm going on another little concert road trip. This time I'm going with the hubster.

    That pretty much means we could only be going to see ONE band, and that is Metallica. Now, I like Metallica, but I wouldn't consider myself a true fan. Hubby, on the other hand, belongs to the fan club. That means he gets little perks like pre-sale tickets and a chance to meet the band.

    I'm actually kind of afraid that will happen. There is nothing more terrifying for someone as socially inept as me than the thought of not only having to meet total strangers, famous strangers, but famous people of whom you aren't really a fan. Um, awkward? "Hi, I'm Keely, I couldn't tell you your name if you held a gun to my head, let alone your birthday or what instrument you play, which is probably okay since you know that stuff anyway right? Being that you're you and all? Also, I haven't listened to anything of yours with any kind of regularity since Ride the Lightning when I was 16 and really drunk, but I used to do THAT all the time. For real!, do you ever think you might cut your hair?"

    Actually, the only thing more terrifying to me is what is actually going to happen, and that is that my MIL is coming to stay with our son. In my house. Without me. She will be in my house, unsupervised, for over 24 hours.

    Gah. I mean, which direction do I take this? Do I clean frantically and hide all the incriminating evidence?

    Or do I just distract her from all the little deficiencies with something glaringly obviously, like a boxful of wiggly neon dildos?

    Decisions, decisions.


    Now, if AC/DC were underwater, they might sound better: Random Tuesday Thoughts


    It's my favorite weekday! Well, okay, not really. My favorite weekday is FRIDAY, duh. But Tuesdays are a close second. So grab the button and get your random on!

    AC/DC is playing here tonight. Well, not HERE, they'd have a hard time fitting into the basement, but at the stadium in town. I can hear it, even though it's 2 miles away. And guess what? They sound just as shitty as if I were RIGHT THERE! I think I just saved myself a hundred bucks, or something.

    Once when I was a teenager my friend and I were partying with this Australian guy, and my friend was the designated driver. When we got in the car to drive home, the Aussie requested some music for the ride, the name of which he pronounced "Acca Dacca". What with the accent and the pronunciation, my friend had not a single friggin' clue what he was talking about, until I piped up from the back seat, "That's how they pronounce AC/DC in Australia."

    Ah! Communication success, tape in the tape deck, everybody happy. My friend brought it up the next day, but I had no idea what she was talking about. I didn't remember saying that, and I had no fucking idea I even possessed that knowledge.

    That's right. I was a drunken teenage psychic, y'all.

    I think I'm getting a cold, and my ears are plugged. All day, everything has sounded like it was underwater. It was really irritating, until I started picturing everything actually BEING underwater. Then it was more entertaining.

    When my keyboard floated away I decided I'd probably taken too many cold meds.

    It occurs to me, as I sit here in my schlumpy pajamas and glasses with my extra rolls of tummy and my hair in a ponytail, drinking extra calories that I don't really need, that I'll never be considered "a hottie" again. But that's okay, because I'm smart and funny and talented, and I've already procreated, so my worth as a human being is intact, right?


    Actually, that thought has occurred to me before. But don't worry, someone came along before the garage could really fill up with carbon monoxide.

    My boss is out of town this week. It's been really nice to just plow through my massive workload without constant interruptions. I do like my job, just sometimes the environment sucks. This week has me thinking that I should just open my own pretzel stand six months out of the year, or maybe a gelato shop.

    Um. Okay, that one even surprised ME with it's randomness. Considering I'm a graphic designer.

    Sso if you're just standing around, these are called Squinters?

    And...that's all folks. Do join us, won't you?