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    Entries in blogging (17)


    This is why I’m not allowed to tell jokes. I always forget important plot points.

    A funny thing happened on the way to Nashville.  That I totally forgot to tell you about.

    When I flew into Minneapolis and lined up to go through Customs, I somehow managed to pick the lineup with the most humorless looking agent available.  That’s just how my life works out.

    “What is the purpose of your visit?” he droned.

    “I’m going to a blogging conference.”

    He raised an eyebrow a millimetre.  “A logging conference?” he said skeptically.  “You don’t look like a lumberjack.”

    “Um…thanks?  No, a blogging conference?” I mimed typing.

    Blank look.

    “You know, on the internet?” I was really hoping this wasn’t going to turn into a cavity search.  And that he knew what the internet was.

    “Do you…have a blog?” he inquired, peering at me carefully, like blogging might be contagious.

    “Um…yes.  Actually, I have two,” I admitted. 

    He looked at me with concern for a moment, and then stamped my papers and waved me through, clearly not prepared to deal with crazy people.

    From now on?  If anybody asks, I am going to WRITING conferences.


    Some random thoughts about BlissDom. Of course.

    Holy crap, how did it get to be Tuesday?  A person goes to a lavish resort hotel for an awesome conference with fantastic people and the week just flies by.

    The Hotel: 52 acres of opulent, bio-domed, well-oiled machine, including but not limited to: 10 restaurants, a gelato shop, a 2-story waterfall, a musical fountain, several other waterfalls, a boat ride, 3 bars, some ducks, exotic plants from all over, and a unicorn breeding ground.

    You know what they really need?  A “comfortable shoe” store.

    The Conference: Everyone was really relaxed, there were some really useful sessions, and some pretty great parties.  Much lower on the swag-o-meter than BlogHer, but we were sedated instead with a constant stream of food and offers of massages.  Also, there was a flash mob and a giant raisin.  So, just like every other conference, right?

    I’m sure the National Association of Especially Stern Actuaries totally gets up to spontaneously dance to ‘Party in the USA’ after the closing address.

    The People: Well, duh.  This is kind of why we all go, right?  To hang out with amazing women like Becky, Michele, Mary Ann and Beth.  Beth was the only one I didn’t really ‘know’ before the conference, but she definitely gets in the club.  She crochets zombies and is crafting her way through the Martha Stewart Encyclopedia of Crafts.  What’s not to love?

    I bet I’d still win the “drunken crafting using only gold spraypaint and glow-in-the-dark straws” category, though.  It’s a narrow genre but I’ve made it my own.

    A Tableau:


    I call it “Slightly Evil-Looking Blue Bunnies, Normally Harbringers of Frozen Treats, Guard Representative Beverage from Amusingly Named Hotel, Just Prior to Session Start”.  

    The Takeaway:  Blog conferences are fun.  Someone should sponsor me for the next one.


    Aaaaaand, that’s a random wrap.  Grab the button, link up, make it happen!  And don’t forget to visit some of your peeps, because someday you might meet them at a conference, and they’ll be all, “Do you remember that random Tuesday that you didn’t comment on my blog?  I cried for days and ate a lot of peanut butter.”

    Blogging is hard.


    Yes, generally I DO need someone to tell me what to do

    A while back I saw the movie Julie & Julia with FoN. The book was very endearing, you should definitely read it. I'd recommend the movie if you really, literally, absolutely have nothing else to do. Like, your chequebook is balanced and the recycling is sorted and you've taught your dog to let himself out and take himself for a walk.

    Anyway, that's not the point. The point is, if you haven't seen it or read the book (did I mention you should read the book, not see the movie?), is that it's about a blogger. A woman who cooks her way through Julia Child's Mastering the Art of French Cooking over the course of a year, and blogs about it.

    (And then she turned it into a book. Sheer. Genius.)

    I remember thinking back to that book when I started this blog, and thinking that I should really have something like that, some kind of challenge or 'theme'. Rather than just yammering on about nothing. Because I think Seinfeld already did that. But I never came up with a good goal, so I just started with the yammering. (You're welcome.)

    The movie reminded me, obviously. And I still can't come up with a good theme. But a while back I posted my List of Things to do Before I Die, so in the interest of keeping you people entertained, I'm going to pick one and just launch into it. We're kind of broke right now, so unless you want to read a whole series of posts about fundraisers so I can go to Egypt, here's what's in the running:

    #23, Learn to 'sideways stop' on hockey skates (the potential for many a bruised butt in this one. No, I won't post pictures)

    #25, Learn sign language (I can already flip you off! I'm a frigging natural)

    #36, See a ghost (I could get Frogmama's hubby to help me with this one)

    #44, Trace my family tree (Oh holy crap wouldn't THAT be thrilling for y'all? WE MIGHT BE RELATED. Scarier than the ghost)

    #108, Take over a small island in a bloodless coup. Use the natives as foot soldiers in my bid to conquer the world

    (How did THAT get in there?)

    or #61, Sing in a gospel choir.

    And, because I'm incapable of making any kind of decision without asking the Internet first, I need your vote. I'd leave your vote in a comment, because I'll probably never get around to making a poll. Wait, will I?

    (Asks the internet)

    Nope. Please comment.


    In lieu of a real post, a challenge. En garde!

    Often, on Thursdays, I post a retro pic for ya'll in conjunction with Bex's fun new meme, Funky Foto Flashback. But this week I'm saving the painful memories til tomorrow because Jen at Blissfully Caffeinated and Mary Anne, the Stiletto Mom, have put their twisted brains together and challenged us all to celebrate prom season by posting our own prom photos.

    (Up here we don't call it 'prom' much. We usually just say 'grad'. But it's the same concept: the hair! the satin! the underage drinking!)

    If you want to play - and you know you therapist will say it's probably a good idea - just post your own pic tomorrow and make sure you give those two ladies credit. We have to blame SOMEONE for those mental scars, right? Then leave them a comment telling them where to find your shame, and they'll direct the entire internet your way.

    Well, maybe half.


    I thought I was over this 18 years ago. Er, I mean, 8 years ago.  Yeah.

    I'm having blogging angst, ya'll.

    I know, right? What a stupid thing to be angsty about. Apparently I don't have much going on in my life. It's not like I fucked up my existence by buying a MONKEY or anything.

    It started with the stupid comment form, which is STRESSING ME OUT. Half of you hate it, half of you love it. I don't know what to do with it. I seem to have fixed it to MY liking but I'm not the one leaving the comments.

    And then, yesterday, I was all giddy because the Random Tuesday like, exploded out of the gate. And then I got an email from a PR rep asking if I wanted to review a cleaning product, which, okay, nobody is EVER going to believe I actually cleaned something, but thanks, call me when you are working with the developers of anti-zombie spray and I'm TOTALLY your girl. But that was one of the first times anybody's asked me, so I thought it was kind of neat.

    So I told hubby, you know, the person who is supposed to GET ME, and he revealed to me that HE DOESN'T EVEN READ THIS BLOG.


    He reads my other blog, religiously, because it's about the cutest child in the world, but this one he "just kind of skims because it's just a bunch of friends linking to each other, right?".

    Is it? I mean, is that what this blog is? I don't know. I never had a big "plan" for it, like some people do, and I never intended to make money from it, but look! I sold outslapped some ads up there anyway.

    My feelings were a lot little hurt because I consider this blog to be more of "me" and the other blog to be "me playing the role of Xander's mother", so it felt like he was saying that he wasn't interested in ME anymore unless it had something to do with our son. Which, of course, is totally not what he was saying.

    He's a guy. They don't do that.

    But he was surprised that this blog has a larger readership. I don't even know myself why you people keep showing up here. I totally appreciate it, but it feels a little undeserved most of the time. Do you just follow me home because I comment on your blog? Are you going to wander off in disinterest if I start doing reviews?

    Anyway I'm thinking maybe I'll take a couple of days off. Bex has a pretty cool meme tomorrow that I might do and of course if the Friday Fill-Ins are good this week I'll do those. And I'll be posting Xander's 17 month update in the next couple of days.

    Okay, fine, I'm not going anywhere.

    But I'm going to be sulky.