They were later found to have had a suicide pact, one was just a procrastinator

I'm playing Bex's photo meme again this week, Funky Foto Flashback. Even though I take slight issue with the spelling, you should head over there anyway and play. It's fun! And you get to dig through your old embarassing pics, and then make yourself feel better by laughing at other people's embarassing pics.

Or by consuming an entire tray of cupcakes. Whatever blows your skirt up.

Anyway, this is from 87? 88? Somewhere in there, when my family decided to pick up and move to New Zealand for a few years. To smooth the transition, my parents bought both my brother and I guinea pigs.

you dead yet?

I was obviously feeling the social pain of that bad hairdo and unfortunate choice of boyish jacket, and lashed out by inflicting the name "Meepsie" on my guinea pig. My brother followed up by naming his "Hiffy".

Hiffy promptly died of distemper. Or something twitchy and gross, anyway. Here I think I'm checking to see if I can finish digging the tiny cemetary plot.

Hiffy was never replaced, because, as it turns out, ONE guinea pig is quite enough for any family. Those little fuckers are loud and obnoxious and produce an obscene amount of shit for such a small rodent, and they suffer from the same problem beavers do: their teeth never stop growing, so they have to chew on something to wear them down. Lacking any miniature trees, they gnaw constantly on their cage.

Or on the buttons on a remote control, or on the door frame, or on their owners.

Anyway, Meepsie lived an inordinately long time for a critter with a death wish - almost two years. I was pretty lazy about cleaning it's cage, and, like I said - lots of poop. So my Dad eventually insisted the beast and it's pungent cage stay outside, which is easy to do in New Zealand, except for - oops! - that one night where it gets a little TOO cold. Cold enough for a rodent that was past it's expiry date to, well, expire.

I think my Dad felt a little bad about that one.

You know what, Dad? DON'T.

Fuck you, Rent-a-Nerd: Funky Foto Flashback

I'm joining in Bex's Funky Foto Flashback meme again this week. It's the coolest new meme going - c'mon, share, you know you want to let us see you in all your corduroy and bowl-cut glory!

Back in high school, I had a pretty solid group of friends, and most of them are STILL my friends so that just speaks to how very tolerant they all are. I mean, for my 17th birthday they all pooled their cigarette money and hired an entertainer, a "Rent-a-Nerd", to arrive at a restaurant at a designated time and embarrass the shit out of me celebrate my birthday. And look how appreciative I was:

I was so truly touched that for FoN's stagette, I remembered their act of kindness and rented her a Kissing Bandit to embarass the shit out of her to make her feel pretty and loved:

He showed up early so the bar was deserted and she didn't get quite the attention I'd hoped. Dammit.

(I also made her that atrocious hat in an attempt to embarass the shit out of her garner her some attention, too. You can't see in the picture but it has a little plastic bride & groom on the front, obnoxious flowers, and "I'm the Bride" written all over it. Turns out, back in the day, it was actually pretty cool and she had people wanting to wear it. DAMMIT).


Fashion has failed me

I'm posting this Funky Foto Flashback a little late because I'm lazy like that, but I just had to share. I went shopping today (don't tell my boss) and, while I've been a little disturbed by all the 'retro' and '80s inspired' crap they've been marketing lately, I haven't reeeaaally paid a lot of attention. But then I saw the scarves. And the colored jeans. And the BOOTS, oh dear gawd the boots.

And I thought: Hm. I've seen this, before, somewhere.

Oh, right. I think it was called 1987.

well at least I was skinny

It didn't look good on me THEN, ya'll.

(Also, Fashion, please explain THIS to me. Really. WHAT THE FUCK.)

(Do you just take really teeny tiny steps, or what? Is it so you can discreetly crap your pants and still continue your harem duties?)


I bet we left a shotgun there, too

This is a picture of me and my Dad. Me and my little plastic alligator shovel are "helping" him dig the foundation for a log cabin that he and a buddy subsequently built BY HAND.

It's not hard to be the underachiever in my family, really. But I do it with style.

That cabin was the source of many happy family times until it fell into disuse during my teenage years. My parents offered to sell it to my brother and I for a dollar if we would only maintain it, and we both turned them down.

Which, in hindsight, was incredibly stupid, because when the Zombie Apocalypse happens I'm totally going to be kicking myself that I don't have a remote cabin in the woods to bug out to.

Posted in participation with:

(And on a totally unrelated note, do you like pretty things? If so, head over and enter the giveaway we've got going on today at Connoisseur du Jour!)

Also, I'd say don't go see any movies with Dennis Quaid in them. Except that one, but that's just to humor your future husband.

homicidal maniacs look just like everyone else

I had this post all planned for today, to participate with Funky Foto Flashbacks. But then I saw that Julie at the Cool Mom Guide has a fantastic contest going on, where you can win two video phones and 6 months of video yakkin' from Vidtel. All you have to do is blog about who you would give the other phone to. So I started to come up with a post about that. And then the two posts MELTED TOGETHER IN MY BRAIN.

So, who would I give the phone to? Myself, of course. The really young me, so we could have a few heart-to-hearts.

Okay, so it's not physically possible. But what's to say something weird couldn't happen and I could talk to myself, like in that terrible movie with Dennis Quaid?

Wait. That doesn't really narrow it down for you, does it?

Uhm...let me just google that quickly. Oh! Right. Frequency, THAT terrible movie with Dennis Quaid.

What would I say to myself?


Then I would tell Me that just because some stupid high school aptitude test tells you that you can do whatever you want, doesn't mean you shouldn't pick something. And to get in as many hugs and talks as you can, because that's what's important and what you'll remember. And that I'm right, I do have the bestest friends in the world. And that everything works out in the end, and if it hasn't worked out, it's not the end.

Also, I might mention where Mom hides the GOOD cookies, but I don't want Me to get fat so maybe not.

It was $400, what do you expect?

I'm participating this week again in Bex's fun new photo meme over at Adventures of the Grigg Boys. This photo isn't THAT retro, it's about 15 years old. This was my first car, the Comet's less-cool sibling, the Maverick. It was brown when I got it.

the Plaid Maverick

Yes, it took a while. And yes, I conned some poor sod into doing most of the work FOR me. I was a 19-year-old hottie, it might as well get me a jauntily-painted vehicle.

The poor car died of embarrassment several months later. It was survived by a checkerboard van and a zebra-striped Audi.

Because that's what it's all about

Okay, I'm back. Thank you guys for delivering just the right combination of praise and "suck it up, buttercup". You guys rock. And occasionally make me snort chocolate milk out of my nose which is okay because I don't think chocolate milk is diet-approved. I'm pretty sure you ingest fewer calories if it exits your body through a nostril.

So Bex over at Adventures of the Grigg Boys has created a meme called "Funky Foto Flashback" wherein you post a "retro" photo and explain it. Or don't, whatevs. This appeals to me because a) I rarely get my poop in a group for Wordless Wednesday and b) I totally suck at being Wordless.

But it's only my first week and I'm already breaking the rules, because technically this isn't a Foto. Or even a photo. But I was hunting for a good retro flashback and I found this and I thought: THIS IS TOTALLY WHAT I NEED THIS WEEK.

me me me!

Yeah, I drew that. When I was like 3. So I guess that makes it vintage, which makes me cry a little.

(Okay, a lot.)

I had it framed and up on my wall for the longest time until one of my many moves when I guess I thought it needed to be reframed, so I tucked it away with the other eight bazillion pics that are awaiting framing.

Have I ever mentioned I have a bit of a problem with follow-through on some projects?

Well, I swear I'm going to reframe it this time and hang it back up. Because doesn't everybody need a ME ME ME picture?