Frozen Purple Monkey Dishwasher: Random Tuesday Thoughts

It's Tuesday again already? Wow. Okay. Um, as I mentioned yesterday I'm not feeling particularly blogtastic lately, so I don't know how great (or random) my thoughts will be this week.

(I am, however, getting more frequent with the made-up bullshit words. Blogtastic? Really? I think subconsciously I must be awaiting an invitational email from Joss Whedon's writing team).

Ready to be underwhelmed? Okay...let's see what my frozen brain kicks out:

I am so fucking cold. I know this is a repeat from yesterday, but Jeebus, every winter I question my choice to live here, my will to live at all, and my very sanity. And then, whoop! Once around the goldfish bowl, it's spring and I've already forgotten how much winters here SUCK DONKEY BALLS.

I should probably still try to get around to returning those library books. They're going to be all confused, they think they live here now.

Is it just me or does PeepALot sound a little more rude than what it actually is? Also, why did I enter a popularity contest when I've always been, um, differently-abled in that department?

I should have bought a lottery ticket today. I won two, count 'em, TWO giveaways! Okay, so one of them I didn't read the not-so-fine print and I didn't qualify because I'm Canadian, eh, but I still won.
Stupid border. If I won the lottery I'd look into having it erased.

How big of an eraser do you think you'd need for that?

I've now been at my job long enough that I qualify for an extra week's vacation. Great. I think I'll use it to plan faking my own death so I never have to go back there.

Purple monkey dishwasher.

...there are like 6 entries for that in the Urban Dictionary. The evolution of the english language scares the crap out of me sometimes.

Okay. That's all I've got. Really. Even I'm underwhelmed, and I'm usually pretty easily impressed.

Pretty sure you can do better. Grab the button, post your post, leave me a comment and I'll link you up...if you can stand to be seen with me, that is.

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And people still love me cause they're on this before I even was!

1. Tiffany at My Random Wisdom (after a blogging 'vacation')
2. FoN at Kids and Daiquiris (who is also freezing her s$$ off)
3. Michelle at Michelle's Blog
4. Kelly at Per Se, who apparently only blogs now when I tell her to.
5. Becky at Suburban Matron, who's taking all the credit for her kids talents...

7 reasons I don't really feel like blogging lately

1. It's the holidays and there's all this great food and baking and yummy caloriffic stuff, and it all makes me very logey (I would say bloggy, if bloggy meant what it sounds like it should mean, instead of what we know it to mean, which is adv., "having to do with blogging"). It's hard to be all thinky after that, unless said thinkiness occurs during the commercial break. Okay, I'm responsible for a lot of the baking myself, but that's just another reason I don't have the mental energy to blog; I used it all while baking stuff.*

2. My kid isn't doing anything great these days.

Okay, fine, yeah yeah, everything he does is inspirational and amazing and cue the symphony orchestra. It's just not anything I feel like writing about.

3. My witch elf on Warhammer, Stabitha, is really quite naked. Like NAY. KED. I need to get her something to wear. I suppose I could have picked one of the character types with more of a penchant for garments, but she's good wholesome stabby fun. It's just a little cringe-worthy to watch her take on lions and bows & arrows (oh my!) wearing only a bra and a loincloth.

Oh, well, and she has a belt. So, y'know, she's halfway there.

4. My place of employment shuts down between Christmas and New Years, and seeing as I was on maternity leave for 3/4 of the year, I don't have any holidays coming to me. So I'm trying to cram in extra hours where extra hours don't want to fit (when what I REALLY want to do is tell them to cram the extra hours where the sun don't shine) so I can be paid for that week and we don't have a starvey, starvey Christmas.

5. Other people's high-emotion holidays make me tired. No, really. I'm like an energy vampire in reverse or something.

6. It is FUCKING FREEZING HERE this week. It's hard to think past your next sweater.

6. Did I mention the 5 extra pounds I'm now lugging around due to Christmas calorie carnage?

*This item has possibly the most made-up words I've ever used in one sentence. You're welcome.

Filler

So no sooner do I lament the lack of google weirdness on this blog, then I get a bunch of strange search strings. Be careful what you wish for, hey? So I'm doing a little roundup here because a) I should probably post something and b) they amuse me, so they might amuse you.

1. "un mom blog". Yeah, okay, I just wanted to toot my own horn that at least two, count em, TWO people are actually looking for ME. Or, y'know, someone else that by that name. But I like to think that it's me.

2. "mom whores". Um. Probably none of those around. I'll check, though.

3. "adult diaper sex". Okay. I have regretted writing that rant about diaper cakes many, many times now. And re-iterating it has probably just ensured me at least 10 more google hits from diaper fetishists. Also - EWWWWWW.

(I wonder how many pervs Cutie Booty Cakes gets?)

4. "hollywood mom". HaaahhahhahhahhahAHHHAHHAHHhahhahha! *wipes tear* That's awesome. Probably less of those here than the mom whores.

But my favorite, my absolute favorite, was this one:

That just rocks. At first I was all, holy shit! Google is psychic! How did it guess that about me just from my inane ramblings? And then I remembered that I confessed it once when I got tagged with one of those memes, so it wasn't as amazing. But still funny. All I have to say to that poor google searcher is, dude, if I could have figured out what to do with my degree via google, I would have done it a long time ago. I am going to be absolutely no fucking help to you whatsoever.

I'd send the dog to a watery grave, but I'm too lazy: Random Tuesday Thoughts

Have you ever been the kind of tired where it feels like squirrels with especially wiry fur are pushing on your eyeballs from the inside? Yeah...I'm that.

I haven't read a good book in a while. I should probably go to the library. Well, I should probably pay off my library fines first. Er...actually, I should probably RETURN the books that are overdue, and THEN pay off my library fines.
Fuck it. I'll go to Chapters.
Online.

I'm disappointed that Mattel has managed to pull the Bratz dolls off the shelf. NOW where am I going to get training dolls for my future brood of dirty slutty whores?
Oh, right. There's still Barbie.

I keep burping up fish. Wait...is this 'random Tuesday thoughts', or 'too much information Tuesday'?

I need to pay my bills. Why is there always ONE bill that I can't pay online? Seriously, people, do you even realize how lazy I am? I used to have tons of problems with my credit, not because I didn't have the money to pay stuff, but because it involved actually finding a stamp and then ALSO going to the mailbox. Yeesh. Now I'm lucky if I can remember to bring the bills over to the computer in order to pay them.

I need to find a dog walker, but my dog is insane. I'm not even sure where to begin with wording THAT ad. Let's see..."Seek extremely heavyset individual with massive upper body strength who has the vision of an eagle for spotting incoming dogs and isn't afraid to bite back". Um yep...that'll get me a lot of replies. Maybe I'll go with "Seek very active dog walker who is willing to exercise my dog for hours for minimal pay, and isn't opposed to carrying a loaded hypodermic of morphine for emergencies. Must answer to the name of 'Cesar Milan'".

Maybe I'll just look into cement dog shoes instead.

...I'm kidding!

Sort of.

Mostly.

Okay, before you all lose ALL respect for me (what? You had some, right? I mean, just a little?) I guess I'll move on to whatever Wednesday might bring. Anybody else feeling the need to spew random nonsense today? (Well, yours can make sense, if you like, I suppose, although that's not really in the spirit of the thing). Grab the button, slap it up there, shoot me an email or leave a comment and I'll link you up. Ready? RANDOMIZE!

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And the hapless haphazard for the week are

1. Ginny Marie at Lemon Drop Pie (more about squirrels! I guess we're both nuts)

2. Kelly at Per Se (nothing about squirrels, just cats)

3. Becky at Suburban Matron (her Brotherly Love edition - tis the season! Holidays!)

4. Merissa at Taking In Life (two more terms, go cheer her on!)

5. Julie at The Cool Mom (seems like it IS TMI Tuesday, lol)

6. Michelle at Michelle's Blog (random thoughts about a random guy...sounds saucy but - check out her post from yesterday, too!)

7. FoN at Kids and Daiquiris (the conspiracy people are going to go get her next)

5 lists I considered listing while I was listing THIS list

1. "Reasons why you should go check out my guest post today at Half As Good As You". Except that I thought it was kind of double-dipping to use another blog's meme to send you over to a third blog. Plus you might not come back. Anyway, all I could come up with for reasons was a) it's a post about how I let someone hook me up to electrical current and b)I'm asking really nicely.

2. "Christmas gifts I wanted to buy for my one-year-old but they were out of stock". But there are only two, Baby's First MP3 and a Melissa & Doug pull toy, and two does not a list make. I guess I could have added a Wii Fit, but that's not exactly for the kid.

3. "10 Ways to make Christmas better". That was actually a suggestion from my hubby, and I considered it (honest, honey), but it doesn't really lend itself to being entertaining. I just don't have the moral fibre required to write a whole post about volunteering in a soup kitchen or making peace with your extended family. Stealing the world's supply of Christmas carols, letting Santa get eaten by zombies, or converting to Judaism, sure. But it's probably only me that thinks those would make Christmas better.

4. "Ways to de-stress your holidays". The last list idea spun into that one, but again, too serious. I was mostly considering it because I like luring in innocent google searchers and SCARING THE CRAP OUT OF THEM.

5. "A list of a bunch of half-assed list ideas". Oh...right. That's the one I went with.