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    State of Affairs, Part 2

    What else has been going on? Hm, let’s see.

    I got another tattoo:


    That’s after it was just done, obviously. This is just the start. I’m going to turn my whole back into a treasure map.

    You know, if I get around to it. Which I probably won’t.

    Somewhere shortly after that we got lice. I’ve managed to avoid it for almost 5 years of having a kid, so I guess it was time? Is there a lottery for things like that? We were on high alert, though, as we got an early warning from the family we’d been staying with, so at the first sign of a nit I called in a chemical air strike.

    And holy fuck, that was a lot of laundry. But nobody had to shave their head so I consider it a success. If you can call having bugs chewing on your scalp “a success”.

    (I bet your head is itchy now.)

    Roller derby is…rolling on. Our league’s first “real” season started and we have our first “real” bout in November. As an actual team, that is, rather than just scrimmages with random people. I haven’t broken anything yet, so I guess I’ll keep doing it. (I occasionally pull a groin muscle, which is the sexiest muscle to pull, I think.)

    PSA Section:

    Do you read Suburban Matron? If you don’t, you should, because Becky is the bees knees. Anyway, GoDaddy sold her domain to some pimply teenager living in his mom’s basement, so she is now located at If you have links to her old URL, kindly update them, and if you don’t read her blog yet, go visit her there.

    Next PSA – shortly after Alfred and I started co-habitating, he started playing an MMO called City of Heroes. I gave it a try and was totally hooked; he got me my own account for Valentine’s day, because we’re nerds like that (and also because he wanted his account back). We have both played the game for over 7 years – it’s sort of our default hobby. Recently NCSoft made the abrupt decision to close the game down, despite it still being profitable. It has a steady and loyal fan base that is trying to save it. If you want to save it too (or just want to be a friend and help me out), there’s a petition with over 20,000 signatures on it already.

    End PSA section.

    So that’s about it in the State of Un Mom. I’m sure there’s other stuff I’m forgetting to tell you.

    Maybe I’ll even make blog posts out of it.


    State of Affairs, Part 1

    So, what have I been up to? Oh, quite a lot, actually. It’s finding the time to blog about it that I struggle with. Today one of the new employees at work said to me, “Are you a blogger? You seem like you would be a blogger.”

    I don’t know. Am I a blogger? I didn’t know how to answer her, mostly because I couldn’t tell whether she considered ‘being a blogger’ a positive thing or not. I hedged my bets and said I was, but I didn’t blog much anymore.

    So, just to be contrary, here I am. Blogging.

    Anyway! While we’re on the topic of work, here is my costume for Talk Like a Pirate Day this year:

    2012-09-19 10.05.26

    (Here’s last years’.)

    I was pretty proud of it. I put a lot of detail into it – I was even drunk on rum for authenticity!* -  but I still didn’t win Pirate of the Year. Not even close. Next year I’m going to have to chop off a hand or a leg or something.

    Hallowe’en is coming up. Got any prize-winning suggestions?

    My basement is still in a sorry state. Actually, you know what? I don’t want to talk about my basement. It’s likely we’ll spend another winter without useable basement space, and it’s equally likely that somebody will get stabbed. It may even be me.

    My kid went off to kindergarten. Gah! Kindergarten. If you know my son at all, or read my other blog, you know he marches to the beat of his own drummer. In fact, the absolute worst thing you can say to him is “Everybody else is doing it!”. (Unless, of course, you are actually aiming to get him to do the opposite. Except that would be the one time he’d go with the crowd. Just to fuck with you. That is my child. I can’t imagine where he gets that from.)

    He wore a SpiderMan costume on the second day. He’s worn a dragon costume. I have already had to establish a communication journal with the teacher due to small reports such as, “When I get everyone’s attention with the drum, Xander will keep chatting. When I speak with him about it, he says, ‘I heard you the first time.’"”.

    So, yes. That is fun. I have a bit of a hard time with it as I want him to be able to wear his costumes and do his own thing for as long as possible. So many aspects of his personality will be valued later on, so I don’t want them squashed out by the melting pot that is public school. On the other hand, I don’t want to have to micromanage his education for the next 12 years either.

    I’m sure it will work out.

    This will be a really long post if I keep going so maybe it’s a two-parter.

    What’s new in your state of affairs?


    *If you are my boss: Not really. If you are everyone else: well, a little.


    Apparently I don't react well to wasp bites.


    Annnnd, BAM! That's summer, folks.


    A plea

    Dear Amazon/Kobo/Everybody I know,

    Please stop recommending Fifty Shades of Grey to me.

    Now, I will be the first person to admit my reading habits are not exactly highly cultured. I read a lot of Young Adult fiction, primarily because I can only read something for approximately 36 seconds before I am interrupted by a “Mom”, or a “Hon”, or a “Holy shit the dog got out the gate and appears to be gnawing on the neighbour’s Bichon”, but also because I enjoy it. I like zombies, magic, steampunk, werewolves, all that good schlock. I have also been known to read (and re-read) pulpy horror fiction and self-help books.

    And I am certainly not above reading p0rn-y romances. But I do prefer that they have a plot, that does not just involve the female lead overcoming her clumsiness and standing around moping after the guy, and I really do insist that their male lead characters are not abusive douche-waffles.

    It’s just how I roll.

    So while I appreciate that you are all no longer recommending Twilight, it cannot happen soon enough that the hype around this other complete bullshit of a trilogy dies down.

    (Related: Dear Authors, please stop spinning your books into trilogies because they seem to be the magical formula for success. They’re not all meant to be trilogies. If your writing is good and your characters are compelling, I will keep reading to book 5 and beyond (see: the Outlander series or Game of Thrones). If your characters are boring and your phrasing makes me twitch, I will give up after the first book with no regard for whether or not I ever find out if Esther’s latent magical ability saved the world or not.)

    (Also related: Dear Authors, if you are a good writer and I like your characters, labeling your first book as part of a trilogy is kind of a jerk move. You’ve basically just told me in advance that I will have to wait 3 years to find out what happens. Also that it ends, which I never want to hear about my favorite characters. Write faster.)

    (Also related: I probably spend too much money on e-books.)


    So who wrote this? YOU TELL ME.

    A while ago a friend offered to update my blog for me.

    “What, like guest post?” I said.

    “No, pretend to be you,” she clarified.

    I made a face. My brain automatically thought, “my readers would be mad at me!”, and then pointed out that I likely don’t have any readers that would care anymore. Because I haven’t updated my blog.

    “What would you say?” I asked. I was pretty sure nobody could pretend to be ME convincingly. Because I am a unique and special snowflake.

    “Probably, I dunno, I’m sorry I haven’t updated in so LONG, and ohmygod I feel so GUILTY, and something about I’ve been so busy blah blah blah.


    That does sound…quite a lot like me.

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