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    Thursday
    Dec052013

    Getting older is fun, you get to be exponentially more inappropriate

    More text conversations with my platonic life partner, Force of Nature:

     

    And the good news is she's blogging again! Go find out what she's been up to for the past, oh, three years.

    Tuesday
    Dec032013

    This is why I don't socialize often

    This week is full of Lunches. Does this happen to you? You can go for a month just eating your salad in the lunch room or occasionally popping out to the mall, and then all of a sudden all the "we should do lunch!" conversations you've had in the last few weeks align like the stars and you're booked solid.

    Although, my lunch date yesterday was with my Mom, so I'm not sure if that earns me popularity points. But she did bring me presents - some random stuff from my Grandma's house, which everybody has been spending the past 6 months cleaning and organizing.

    (My grandma lived in a 5-bedroom, 4-level split for over 50 years, the last 40 of them by herself, before going to a home. Why the hell would she throw stuff out? She had closet space to beat the band.)

    The bag had some tea (unopened), a couple of christmas ornaments, and what looked like a dead squirrel.

    "Um." I pointed to it. My mom isn't in the habit of gifting me with dead squirrels, although since she's basically an older version of me I wouldn't put it past her.

    "Um, yes. We found that. Your grandma still had it." 

    I inspected it more closely and realized what it was. My hair. From when I was 9 years old and decided to chop it all off. My grandma was so distraught at the thought of her only granddaughter cutting her long locks that she asked to keep it.

    Probably nobody thought she would keep it for THIRTY YEARS.

     

    (The note says: "Nov 10 - 1983, Keely's ponytail after having her hair cut she saved it for me". Then she initialed it. I'm not sure who exactly she was keeping a record for, but it's kind of charming, in a "one day this will all be dust in the wind so better write it down" kind of way.)

    "Why would you think I'd want it?" I asked mom.

    "I don't know, I didn't know what else to do with it," she replied.

    (Well, neither do I. Does anybody know if Locks of Love accepts 30-year-old hair?)

    The dead squirrel sat on the chair next to me until the conclusion of our viet-thai food lunch, at which point my fortune cookie told me, "That recurring dream you keep having? It is your destiny."

    I only have one recurring dream. It's the one about the zombie apocalypse. 

    So yeah. Here's hoping tomorrow's lunch date is less...weird.

    What's on your agenda?

    Sunday
    Dec012013

    Too bad nobody in marketing ever asks me

    I've been sick for a few days, as is customary at this time of year. When I was about halfway through the industrial-sized bag of Halls, I realized that there were tiny slogans printed on the wrappers. Things like, "Nothing you can't handle" and "Be unstoppable" and "Don't try harder, DO harder!".

    (What does that even mean?)

    While I appreciate my pseudo-medication essentially telling me I'm being a big whiner and to suck it up, what I would appreciate more when I am sick is a little comfort. Possibly wrappers that say things like, "I've called your mom, she's on her way" and "You're clearly ill, it's totally okay to stay at home with a hot water bottle and stream an entire season of Doctor Who on Netflix". 

    Or even, "I heard that cute guy in Accounting thinks crusty noses and used kleenexes are totally hot."

    Is that so much to ask? Cut me some slack - I'm sick, you know.

    Wednesday
    Nov272013

    Random Bits & Bobs

    In French, as in English, there are homonyms. The word avocat, for example, means both "avocado" and "lawyer". We can thank the Canadian government ruling that everything be labeled in both languages for my recent revelation that I have been moisturizing my face with Lawyer Oil.

    Oooh, greasy.

    I treated myself to a Wacom tablet a while back. I've been coveting one for years. Also, I felt that the reason I was not drawing very much was that I was awkwardly sketching comics on paper, and then scanning them into the computer, and then inking and coloring them digitally. Wouldn't it be ever so much more convenient if I could draw them digitally to begin with? Wouldn't I draw so much more?

    I've had it 5 months and drawn with it twice. Clearly "convenience" is not the reason I don't draw much.

    "Mom, if a bear eats a whole fox, that means it's his birthday." - my enigmatic 5 year old, completely out of the blue.

     

    One of these days I'll promise to blog every day but today is not that day.

     

    Tuesday
    Nov192013

    There's always an exception

    The day after I blogged for the first time in ages, a co-worker said to me,

    "I read your blog."

    I froze. Oh. Right. This was part of the reason that I eased away from blogging. Because there is only so much material that a person is comfortable posting and subsequently having brought up during a coffee break. I'm trying to be a professional here and all.

    "Oh." I said cautiously.

    "Actually, like 5 pages of it," he continued. "I especially liked Jesus Snail."

    I un-froze slightly. I don't know why I worry about this. My co-workers are awesome. They're not going to be offended. I'm always going to live in fear of my mother-in-law finding my blog, but I guess I don't care if my co-workers read it.

    Another co-worker overheard this exchange and demanded the link. Which I happily gave her. Apparently, as of now, I give no fucks about who reads my blog.

    (Except my mother-in-law.)

    (Seriously, if I find out one of you told her about it, I will hunt you down and STAB YOU IN THE FACE*.)

     

    *Not really. But please don't.