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    Christmas rambling, are you listening?

    And then she disappeared again! No, not really, I still feel like I have teh thingz to say. I don't know what those things are, but the urge to blog has not yet left me.

    But Alfred has been stealing my laptop to play Everquest. This is due to a) his apparent lack of awareness of improvements in gaming in the last 15 years and b) he recently quit wrestling so doesn't have to go to practice any more.

    No more derby, no more wrestling. We're fickle in our commitments around the Un Mom household.

    Anyway, far be it from me to deny him some solace in reminiscing around an elven campfire.

    So are you ready for Christmas? I feel like we've entered that very weird time of year, where things at work slow down enough that I feel relaxed, but yet still have this impending sense of doom about other things. I don't know why, I do not go "all out" for the holidays, but I usually feel angsty all December. I have things! To do! But not really because I've never done them and I'm not doing them this year!

    I don't do a big dinner, for instance, or have parties or do a lot of baking or even buy gifts for anybody other than my immediate family.

    Well, and the cleaner. And something for the inlaws. And I guess I should get something for the teacher this year, that's a thing now that we're into grade 1.

    Maybe something small for my co-workers.

    Aaaaannnd I think we just identified the source of my angst.

    My tree also gets me a little worked up. When I was a kid, we had the same decorations every year, and they all had a story behind them or were handcrafted by my mother or were otherwise meaningful in some way, and the lights were all mismatched and it was a glorious glittery tree of chaos. We had a moldy lump of playdoh in a vague reindeer shape that my brother made in kindergarten residing under the tree until I was in my 20s.

    My Christmas trees, on the other hand, have a different color theme every year. It started out as a few different sets of ornaments that I rotated, but now I basically buy brand new decorations each time. We do have some meaningful ornaments, some that were given to us or that we made, and I will put those on the tree.

    If they match the color theme.

    (This year is turquoise and lime green. In case you were wondering.)

    I don't know why I do this, other than it allows me the thrill of purchasing new ornaments every year, under the guise of being completely insane. Every year I spend about 3 weeks before we buy the tree wringing my hands and haunting the Christmas aisles of major retailers, looking for my chosen colors. At least this year I chose a popular color - the year I decided to go with blue and gunmetal gray, I lost a lot of hair.

    (Getting the actual tree part is up to Alfred, and I don't get overwrought about that. Maybe as my disease progresses, I'll care more about the perfection and fluffiness of the tree, but for now I don't care how spindly and and lopsided it is, as long as I can cover it in the correct color of glitter.)

    The actual decoration of the tree I try to make as delightful and festive as I remember it from my childhood, but in truth I grit my teeth a lot and Alfred is extra cautious around me. I think the 6 year old still enjoys himself during decorating, and hasn't noticed what a crazy person his mother is yet, so that's good. Maybe next year I'll pre-load with nog so that I'm not such a bitch.

    I'd post a picture of the tree, which went up last weekend, but. Um. I need to get a few more turquoise and green decorations. It's not finished.


    I know I'm not the only nutjob during the month of December - what gets you all in a lather? Inlaws? Cooking? Wrapping? People who don't say Happy Holidays or Merry Christmas or Happy Hannukah or Happy Kwanzaa or maybe they DO say those things but whatever they say, it's not what you'd prefer?

    Merry Ho Ho, by the way.




    Getting older is fun, you get to be exponentially more inappropriate

    More text conversations with my platonic life partner, Force of Nature:


    And the good news is she's blogging again! Go find out what she's been up to for the past, oh, three years.


    This is why I don't socialize often

    This week is full of Lunches. Does this happen to you? You can go for a month just eating your salad in the lunch room or occasionally popping out to the mall, and then all of a sudden all the "we should do lunch!" conversations you've had in the last few weeks align like the stars and you're booked solid.

    Although, my lunch date yesterday was with my Mom, so I'm not sure if that earns me popularity points. But she did bring me presents - some random stuff from my Grandma's house, which everybody has been spending the past 6 months cleaning and organizing.

    (My grandma lived in a 5-bedroom, 4-level split for over 50 years, the last 40 of them by herself, before going to a home. Why the hell would she throw stuff out? She had closet space to beat the band.)

    The bag had some tea (unopened), a couple of christmas ornaments, and what looked like a dead squirrel.

    "Um." I pointed to it. My mom isn't in the habit of gifting me with dead squirrels, although since she's basically an older version of me I wouldn't put it past her.

    "Um, yes. We found that. Your grandma still had it." 

    I inspected it more closely and realized what it was. My hair. From when I was 9 years old and decided to chop it all off. My grandma was so distraught at the thought of her only granddaughter cutting her long locks that she asked to keep it.

    Probably nobody thought she would keep it for THIRTY YEARS.


    (The note says: "Nov 10 - 1983, Keely's ponytail after having her hair cut she saved it for me". Then she initialed it. I'm not sure who exactly she was keeping a record for, but it's kind of charming, in a "one day this will all be dust in the wind so better write it down" kind of way.)

    "Why would you think I'd want it?" I asked mom.

    "I don't know, I didn't know what else to do with it," she replied.

    (Well, neither do I. Does anybody know if Locks of Love accepts 30-year-old hair?)

    The dead squirrel sat on the chair next to me until the conclusion of our viet-thai food lunch, at which point my fortune cookie told me, "That recurring dream you keep having? It is your destiny."

    I only have one recurring dream. It's the one about the zombie apocalypse. 

    So yeah. Here's hoping tomorrow's lunch date is less...weird.

    What's on your agenda?


    Too bad nobody in marketing ever asks me

    I've been sick for a few days, as is customary at this time of year. When I was about halfway through the industrial-sized bag of Halls, I realized that there were tiny slogans printed on the wrappers. Things like, "Nothing you can't handle" and "Be unstoppable" and "Don't try harder, DO harder!".

    (What does that even mean?)

    While I appreciate my pseudo-medication essentially telling me I'm being a big whiner and to suck it up, what I would appreciate more when I am sick is a little comfort. Possibly wrappers that say things like, "I've called your mom, she's on her way" and "You're clearly ill, it's totally okay to stay at home with a hot water bottle and stream an entire season of Doctor Who on Netflix". 

    Or even, "I heard that cute guy in Accounting thinks crusty noses and used kleenexes are totally hot."

    Is that so much to ask? Cut me some slack - I'm sick, you know.


    Random Bits & Bobs

    In French, as in English, there are homonyms. The word avocat, for example, means both "avocado" and "lawyer". We can thank the Canadian government ruling that everything be labeled in both languages for my recent revelation that I have been moisturizing my face with Lawyer Oil.

    Oooh, greasy.

    I treated myself to a Wacom tablet a while back. I've been coveting one for years. Also, I felt that the reason I was not drawing very much was that I was awkwardly sketching comics on paper, and then scanning them into the computer, and then inking and coloring them digitally. Wouldn't it be ever so much more convenient if I could draw them digitally to begin with? Wouldn't I draw so much more?

    I've had it 5 months and drawn with it twice. Clearly "convenience" is not the reason I don't draw much.

    "Mom, if a bear eats a whole fox, that means it's his birthday." - my enigmatic 5 year old, completely out of the blue.


    One of these days I'll promise to blog every day but today is not that day.