I know you are just dying to be told how that went.
Well, I finished the seating. The heavy as fuck, wood part, anyway. I stained it but probably didn't seal it properly and OH MY GOD WHO CARES, I WAS JUST TIRED OF BUILDING PATIO FURNITURE.
I think it turned out okay:
The cushions were not sewn by hand as intended, but were purchased at a deep discount because it was, as you can guess, near the end of the season.
We still got a few good weeks of sittin', though.
Note that there is no table-with-cooler, nor is there a chandelier. I even downgraded the plan to Just Make Some Side Tables, but I was tired of the whole thing.