Recent injuries

- A bruise the size of an apple and the color of an eggplant on my right ass cheek, where I fell in derby with my skate wheel tucked under my butt

- Several bruises and some velcro rash on my shoulders where we practiced hitting at derby

- a bruise/scrape in the middle of my back from where part of a gazebo I was trying to build fell over and landed on me

- Sunburn on my chest, neck, face & scalp (totally counts) (it’s really red)

- A hole in my heart from when I discovered Michael Bay is making the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles into aliens.