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    « Something | Main | How I amuse myself when I’m left alone for the weekend »

    Do you even have to ask about the rum?

    Remember when I started my new job (which I still love, thank you for asking), and they told me that International Talk Like a Pirate Day is a big thing for them?

    No? How do you even forget a thing like that?

    Anyway, it’s a big thing for them. The office was one big Yaaaarrrrr all Monday. There was pirate speak and pirate decorations and pirate costumes and prizes for said costumes. And I forgot to show you mine!


    I was trying to look stern.  People take you less seriously as a pirate when you smile. I sewed the majority of my costume myself, out of drapes, because I am Maria from the fucking Sound of Music, yo.

    (Also? I was wearing Spanx under there. Real pirates wear Spanx. At least, they do if they don’t want their multiple belts to squeeze their fat into several rolls, making them look remarkably like 200lbs of Jello wrapped in drapes and tied with twine.)

    Even with all that effort, my costume only took fourth prize. Fourth. There was some stiff competition.

    Next year I’ll have to bring in a cannon, or something.

    Or…grow a beard.


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    Reader Comments (18)

    Shiver me JESUS CHRIST I LOVE YOUR NEW JOB timbers.

    September 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNicki

    not going to lie. sounds like an awesome place to work.

    September 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMommyNamedApril

    OR a PARROT!!!!

    September 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

    Papier mache cannon. Put it on a leash. Like a puppy. :)

    September 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterEmily Suess

    Awesome! Next year, definitely a Parrot.

    September 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterVandyJ

    Yes. I DO need to ask about the rum. Where is it? Why are you hogging it?
    And I was getting all snooty in my head thinking, you twit, that was Scarlet in Gone with the Wind, but then I got my thinker turned on, and I remembered, that yes, Maria did make all those horrid outfits out of drapes and they all went parading around as if she were the Queen of Fashion, and they all looked like dorks, but hey...there was a war going on. I like your drapes much better.

    September 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNessa Locke

    You need to have your husband come in dressed as your pirate wench.

    That will win you 1st prize for sure.


    September 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJulianna

    I just sent this to my husband. He HAS to get his office doing this next year. He was so bummed when he realized he was traveling on TLaP Day this year. Yaaar.

    September 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAimee

    We were on a plane that day. Security takes a dim view of passengers talking like a pirate while going through the screening.

    September 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMichele

    Bring a real cutlass and run somebody through with it. Maybe one of the judges.

    September 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCaptain Dumbass

    Good effort. Did you try wearing the patch on the other eye, too? You never know. That alone, may have been enough to vault you into second place.

    Or scurvy. Did you try getting sick with scurvy? Man, I'll tell you, that will get votes-a-plenty in a Pirate Contest. Especially if you bleed from the scalp. Shit, that one gets my vote every time.

    Better luck next year. Work on those little extras that can make the difference between fourth and first. Train hard, but pace yourself with the scurvy thing. It's a bitch.

    P.S. Forgot to mention striped pants. They kick ass. Work like a charm for me.

    September 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterThe Defiant Marshmallow

    A really cool, really fun... workplace?

    Mind. blown.

    September 26, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterVinny C

    I knew there was something extra special about Pirate Day - you and your new job! :) LOVE that you made your pirate getup out of drapes...that's creativity at its best. And I concur with the others - definitely bring a parrot next year. :) Princess Nagger can make an origami one for you if you don't want to bring the real thing. ;)

    September 26, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterStacy Uncorked

    Even better would be if they make the loser walk the plank. :-)

    September 26, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSprite's Keeper

    (thinking bad thoughts about you since your new job rocks...)

    Anyhow, next year bring the kid dressed as a parrot and have him say all sorts of inappropriate things. That always gets the vote.

    September 26, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMamaBadger

    You completely rock!!!

    September 26, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterWeb-Betty

    I think you're a kickass pirate (and human) and if I ever need a job, I want one there. Seriously fucking awesome. Pirate day. At a company.

    September 26, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCasey

    I always giggle when someone says 'stiff competition' because I am a 12-year-old boy, apparently.

    September 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLuda

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