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    « Absent for over a week. I bring you whine. | Main | Up and running »
    Monday
    Jun202011

    I wonder who I’d talk to about that redesign.

    I have a friend who used to claim that the human body required a redesign.  Instead of toes, we should all just have flaps, he figured, and eye injuries could be avoided by acquiring one giant, segmented eye on top of our heads.

    I’m not sure on the eye, but I’m with him on the flaps.  I have terrible luck with toes.

    I came to that conclusion yesterday, when I was hopping around swearing through tears because I caught my toenail on a box and almost ripped it off.  It’s bruised and bloody, but it’s not the worst abuse I’ve heaped on my smallest digits.

    (As an aside, I shall point out that I also have a massive bruise on my calf from stumbling around my basement, because for various reasons it looks like a homeless hoarder lives here.  But the computer is down here.  You see my dilemma.)

    No, the worst thing I did to my baby toe was in high school, when I broke it. 

    I was biking back to school one day at the end of my senior year.  It was already fixing to be a good, hot summer, and I was wearing shorts and sandals, and had picked myself up a slurpee at lunch.  Because I was carrying said slurpee, I was attempting to steer the ten-speed with one hand in the center of the handlebars.

    I don’t know if you’ve ever tried to do this, but it’s not terribly effective.  I tried to manoeuver the bike into the narrow sidewalk that would take me between two houses and into the back of the schoolyard, but my turn was far too wide.  The bike and I brushed up against a wrought-iron fence.  My exposed smallest toe snagged on one of the decorative iron rails, and brought me to a halt.  My slurpee dumped on the ground.

    I looked down at my foot.  It hurt, but it looked okay.  Well, that toe was sticking out at an odd angle.  Huh.  There was a bit of a cut between it and the next one, too.  I tried to push it back in towards its friends.  It wouldn’t go.

    Some blood oozed out.

    Slurpee forgotten, I propped my bike up against the fence (I would remember it 3 days later, which was probably 2.9 days after someone had stolen it), and limped into the school.

    “Mr G.,” I asked the first teacher I saw, who happened to be everybody’s favorite Geo Trig teacher, the one who laughed at your jokes and kept chocolate-covered coffee beans in his desk, “Do you know if the nurse is in?”

    “Why, what did you do?” He glanced down.  “Other than rip open your foot?”

    I trailed bloody footprints into the nurses office, which was empty, but someone flagged down a pre-nursing student.  She wasn’t much help but kept me company while I waited for my mother, marveling at my ability to continue to crack jokes. 

    (I think it’s called “going into shock”.  Pre-nursing students should probably look into that.)

    I spent far too many hours in the hospital, waiting for x-rays and staff in general, while the pain faded to a dull roar and I began to consider that living life with one perpendicular toe wouldn’t be so bad.  I tried to convince them of that when they re-set the toe, all joking pretense gone, clinging to my mother and screaming in pain.  They had to try a few times.  That little piggie is hard to get a grip on.

    The real indignity of this injury was that it was 2 weeks before my prom, and any hope of wearing 6-inch stilettos was gone.  Sandals weren’t as fancy then, it was the era of cheap leather water-walkers.  I had to buy big, sparkly earrings and hot-glue them to some black sandals to complete my “goth graduation” look.  At least I didn’t still have the crutches, nobody was buying my “I got bitten by an alligator” story.

    That tiny toe, which still goes purple when it’s cold and is aching now with the memory of it all, remains the only bone I’ve ever broken.  Good thing I made such a show out of it, knock on wood and all that.  I still won’t get on a bike.

    What about you?  Got any good injury stories?

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    Reader Comments (22)

    I don't know about flaps for toes...I would totally miss my painted and decorated nails for sure!!!!!!
    Riding a bike on a gravel and dirt road...took a corner too fast. Fell forward off the bike and skidded down the rad on my knees, face and hands. My dad swears he could hear me screaming three blocks down the road. They had to dig the gravel out of said knees and hands. The face was spared imbedded gravel!! Took me a long time to get back on my bike after that for sure!!
    Have a great day and I patiently wait for your return to Random Tuesday!!!!!!
    Hugs
    SueAnn

    June 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSueAnn

    When I played ring a rosies with my daughter and got a black eye!!

    http://gillianhefer.blogspot.com/2009/07/ring-ring-rosies-and-i-fell-down.html

    June 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterA Daft Scots Lass

    Ahh bicycles and broken bones...
    When I was 7, my sister (15 months older than me) tried to pick me up and put me on her shoulders. I tobbled off and landed on a kiddie folding chair and broke my elbow.
    A few years later, I broke my wrist while riding my bike. The other kids in the neighborhood were playing basketball in our driveway. Someone lost the ball and it was rolling towards the ditch where I was passing by on my bike. I tried to stop the ball with my bike tire. I ended up rolling over the tire, hitting the driveway's edge, flipping over my handlebars and landing on my right wrist. My palm was touching my wrist... It was gross.
    Broke my second toe on my right foot playing toilet-paper-roll-football. {We were originally playing with a foam football and it got lost under the dresser; we improvised.} My sister had the "football", I tried to get it by climbing on top of her and she rolled over on my foot, twisting my toe. ow.
    Broke my middle finger playing volleyball in gym class in 7th grade. Got away with shooting a bird to everyone for like 6 weeks! Haha.
    I was a fragile child.
    Then, when my husband and I were dating, I was helping him take off his combat boots and he didn't realize my hand was in the way. He used the toe of his boot to pull off the heel of the other and crushed my pinkie. *sigh*
    Thankfully, *knock on wood* that's it.
    Couldn't you label this as RTT and pretend you're not on hiatus anymore?? We miss you!

    OMG! Are you kidding? Look up the word klutz and my name is the definition. I've splayed open, almost cut off, and broken just about every bone possible. I've even broken my tail bone. Did you know that they don't actually heal? Found that one out when pushing out a 7 1/2 baby boy. NOT FUN!

    June 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMichele

    Oh, your poor toe! I broke my collar bone twice when I was a kid...I fell off the top of a slide, and a couple of years later I was wearing dress-up shoes and fell down the garage stairs at a friend's house. So far, those are the only bones I've broken...*knock on wood*

    June 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterGinny Marie

    Broken little toe (caught on a door hinge), cracked skull (explains a lot, right), and arm through window. I was in the ER quite a bit as a kid.

    June 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJenni

    I stubbed my pinky toe on a metal snow shovel once. It was as horrible as it sounds.

    June 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCaptain Dumbass

    It must be that time of year when we start sharing our injury tales. Here's mine I posted last week: http://cajoh.blogspot.com/2011/06/scar-tissue-tales.html Enjoy.

    June 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCaJoh

    No major injuries, but I am constantly finding bruises on my body that I have no memory of getting. It's like my body is being dragged along by my brain and gets bashed on everything along the way.

    Also, let's take a moment of silence to mourn the loss of your slurpee...

    June 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMonsteRawr

    It's always bikes. When I was riding home from cheerleading practice the summer after 7th grade I hit a patch of gravel and my bike and I took a spill. I could barely move and luckily a church was right across the street and the gardner came and helped me in to call my mom. I had to sit in the bath while my mom used a scrub brush to remove the rock that was shoved so far in my knee that we couldn't brush it off. It was mortifying for my mom to do that but better than a doctor! It took me 13 years before I got back on a bike and I was very nervous the entire time I was riding it.

    June 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKendra

    High school. I was working at Discovery Zone (indoor play center for kids) and playing tag with a four year old. She came up from behind me and pushed me hard in the back, yelling, "You're it!"
    Kid was surprisingly strong. I lurched forward, hitting my right hand against the wall before my body did. Three fingers went one way. Two fingers went another. My ring and pinkie finger hurt, but not badly.
    Two days later, I walked into my AP History class and realized there was a test that day that I had not studied for. Immediately using my sob story of how my hand was hurting badly, my mother had to come pick me up. She thought I was bluffing, I knew I was bluffing, but she took me to the doctor anyway to really torture me. An x-ray later, my hand was in a cast as they had discovered both my ring and pinkie finger had fractures. Mom was shocked that I had really been hurt, and I got the extra days I needed off to study for my test.

    June 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSprite's Keeper

    I've never broken anything. Of course now that I've said that...

    June 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLizgizzy

    I also broke my pinkie toe (on my right foot). I was probably 11 and performing a dance routine at a gymnastics meet (back when I did gymnastics) as an exhibition with the rest of my team. As I slid down into my splits, my pinkie toe got caught on the tape that was holding the seams of the carpet together and my toe didn't want to join the rest of them. It, too, was the only one I ever broke and hope to keep it that way!

    June 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCaitlin

    Well I did get stung by a scorpion today at work. It isn't poking out at an odd angle, but it hurts pretty freakin' bad.

    June 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJennifer

    I had to come back to tell you I stubbed my toe on the rice cooker yesterday. Ricer cooker. And I bled.

    Rice cooker.

    June 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCaptain Dumbass

    Oh my god, I'm thinking about your poor toe snagging and RIPPING away from the other and I'm queasy. If it makes you feel better, my brother had a *slightly* worse biking accident. He was in a BMX race in Kentucky when he crashed and somehow his razor sharp pedals SLICED HIS SCROTUM. He ended up needing like a hundred and sixty stitches in an emergency surgery. He went on to father a child, don't worry but his loving little sister still calls him Uni-Nut. Does your toe feel better?

    June 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCasey

    Really? Just one bone??

    I have broken most of my toes, mainly due to walking into things. I broke both pinkies playing football and a pointer finger playing softball. Sprained my ankle skiing in middle school. I broke my wrist in karate class a week before a tournament. I didn't see a doc because I really wanted to compete in said tournament, and now it hurts when I'm opening jars. And, my youngest broke my pelvis while I was pregnant with him, although it wasn't diagnosed until the kid was 6 months old. I guess if you count teeth, which are technically bone, then I broke my front tooth in half in a very bad roller skating accident.

    I guess I should have just been a bookworm!

    June 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNHGirl

    Sheesh, right now I feel like I need a total redesign to "fit person". I'm all preggers again and can use the help. LOL

    There is one thing I would like is my pinky a little less out in the open so it won't catch everything and break all the time....

    June 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnjanette/MommaYoung

    Eeeeeeeee. That just made all the skin on my back crawl up into my ears. I have no such stories. However, I too have constant problems with my feet being abused. I must admit that it is because they are very big, and get in the way, and people step on them because they don't expect them to be sticking out that far. Hate that.

    June 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterGretchen

    OMG! WTF! I felt your pain although I have never had an injury, ever. :P The worst thing I ever got was a stubbed toe, but haven't ever had my toenails almost ripped off.. :P I hope your toe feels better soon.. :P

    June 28, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAne

    I am accident prone to the extreme, but, until this year, has got away with only breaking an arm. Since playing rugby l have broken 2 ribs, 2 fingers (now look like bananas), 1 toe (and YES, l feel you pain), and sprained my ankle so badly l couldn't walk for 2 days. Thank god for Diazipam.

    June 28, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNumber Eleven

    You crack me up! My pinky toe WAS the only bone I've broken (also in high school, though in a much less dramatic fashion than your story) until last week. I then broke my BIG toe. I'm with you on the flap idea. Sheesh, these little buggers are problematic.

    Just found your blog, but I love it. I'd love to see you around my blog sometime: http://confessionsofaslackermom.blogspot.com. Thanks for laugh today!

    July 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSarah S

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