5:37am Wide awake, inexplicably. Like, really awake.
5:38am Briefly consider getting up to do yoga or something.
5:39am No, I’ll just lie here until my alarm goes off. In…40 minutes. Whatever, it’s probably the only quiet time I’ll have to just think all day.
5:41am Get into in-depth conversation with 3rd grade crush, over breakfast table at childhood home. He is there to perform IT support for my mother, who is involved in some crucial political thing having to do with the 102nd celebration of International Women’s Day. I am considering the socio-political ramifications of taking a bartending shift that Saturday night.
6:30am Wtf, alarm? Why are you going off so early?
6:32am Hit Snooze.
6:38am Hit Snooze.
6:43am Hit Snooze.
6:48am Hit Dismiss.
7:06am Wtf! Stupid alarm. Now I’ve slept in, THANKS A LOT.
7:07am Consider not having shower.
7:08am Remember I’ve been faking it without one for 2 days already.
7:09am Get into shower.
7:11am Wonder why on earth hubby has purchased AXE products. AXE products, really?
7:20am I should probably get out of the shower now.
7:25am Get out of shower.
7:26am Attempt to wake up 3-year-old. Stroke his hair, whisper gently.
7:28am Put on makeup.
7:33am Attempt to wake up 3-year-old. Shake gently, poke him in armpit.
7:35am Stumble around in dark bedroom looking for clothes.
7:40am Shake 3-year-old firmly. Bribe him out of bed with toast and honey.
7:42am Burn toast.
7:44am Get into argument about why 3-year-old cannot wear same Lightning McQueen shirt for 4th day in a row.
7:48am Get into argument about pants. Or lack thereof.
7:50am Get into argument about no, you can’t have more toast and honey, where do you get this dawdling habit from, will you please hurry up you are making us LAAAAAAAAAAAATTEEEEE.
7:52am Get into argument about no, you cannot take the time to walk backwards to the car.
7:58am Actually get into car.
8:04am Actually arrive at daycare.
8:24am Leave daycare, after spending 20 minutes consoling mercurial child who has declared daycare “scary” and having deflected demands to “make it rain”.
8:33am Arrive at work with carefully-crafted, heavily-child-blaming excuse as to why I am half an hour late.
8:34am Realize nobody cares.
8:35am Have coffee.
8:45am Write blog post.