Every single day
Thursday, March 10, 2011 at 8:57AM 5:37am Wide awake, inexplicably. Like, really awake.
5:38am Briefly consider getting up to do yoga or something.
5:39am No, I’ll just lie here until my alarm goes off. In…40 minutes. Whatever, it’s probably the only quiet time I’ll have to just think all day.
5:41am Get into in-depth conversation with 3rd grade crush, over breakfast table at childhood home. He is there to perform IT support for my mother, who is involved in some crucial political thing having to do with the 102nd celebration of International Women’s Day. I am considering the socio-political ramifications of taking a bartending shift that Saturday night.
6:30am Wtf, alarm? Why are you going off so early?
6:31am Oh.
6:32am Hit Snooze.
6:38am Hit Snooze.
6:43am Hit Snooze.
6:48am Hit Dismiss.
7:06am Wtf! Stupid alarm. Now I’ve slept in, THANKS A LOT.
7:07am Consider not having shower.
7:08am Remember I’ve been faking it without one for 2 days already.
7:09am Get into shower.
7:11am Wonder why on earth hubby has purchased AXE products. AXE products, really?
7:20am I should probably get out of the shower now.
7:25am Get out of shower.
7:26am Attempt to wake up 3-year-old. Stroke his hair, whisper gently.
7:28am Put on makeup.
7:33am Attempt to wake up 3-year-old. Shake gently, poke him in armpit.
7:35am Stumble around in dark bedroom looking for clothes.
7:40am Shake 3-year-old firmly. Bribe him out of bed with toast and honey.
7:42am Burn toast.
7:44am Get into argument about why 3-year-old cannot wear same Lightning McQueen shirt for 4th day in a row.
7:48am Get into argument about pants. Or lack thereof.
7:50am Get into argument about no, you can’t have more toast and honey, where do you get this dawdling habit from, will you please hurry up you are making us LAAAAAAAAAAAATTEEEEE.
7:52am Get into argument about no, you cannot take the time to walk backwards to the car.
7:58am Actually get into car.
8:04am Actually arrive at daycare.
8:24am Leave daycare, after spending 20 minutes consoling mercurial child who has declared daycare “scary” and having deflected demands to “make it rain”.
8:33am Arrive at work with carefully-crafted, heavily-child-blaming excuse as to why I am half an hour late.
8:34am Realize nobody cares.
8:35am Have coffee.
8:45am Write blog post.
Reader Comments (25)
10:45 am Read Un-Mom and determine how scarily similar your morning has been, right down to the Lightning McQueen shirt...
I knew I liked you for a reason- we are so not morning people, but the girls are older and our morning has massive amounts of coffee, yelling and swearing, running into each other and singing the death march durge whatever as the littlest diva heads out the door then shouting try not to have too sucky of a day as the rest of us scatter..
You wait until an hour and a half after you get up to have coffee? How do you function? How do you get out the door? How do you so patiently deal with 3 yr old???
My first stop after getting up is to make coffee. Unless I really have to pee. Then I do that first. Unless I really, really need coffee, in which case I'll chance peeing my pants.
I am already there with you today...the grandbabes are here this week. And I am already losing it.....how can you love them so much and want to impale them on a pike at the same time? Well not impale...but you get it.
I am a morning person & my day still basically goes like this (minus the 3-year-old). Did they eventually convince you to wear pants though?
and having deflected demands to “make it rain”.
Because you know you could if you REALLY REALLY wanted to. After all, you're so amazing that you managed to leave the house with pants on! (You DID decide to wear the pants, right?)
I get to argue with a two year old about what he is going to eat for breakfast. You can't argue with a two year old--they don't fight fair. Glad you managed the pants. It's chilly without them.
I am usually just going to bed when you wake up!!
yep. that's my day too. freakin work and freakin kids.
Singing my song, lady. Minus the out-of-the-home job and the daycare. Sub laundry room for the office and preschool for daycare. But always, always we are running late (and just because I lingered a bit over email doesn't mean it's entirely my fault that the kids are chewing frozen bagels in the car).
I cannot believe you wait that long for coffee.
I sat here cracking up reading this while my brother looked on wondering what all the laughter was about. So I read it out loud while my husband thinks it's a good idea to watch 'Gangland' in the background. Now it's my brother and I cracking up. Then my husband wants to know what all the laughter is about so I read it aloud again know what he says "I buy AXE products." Yes honey, we know...glad you got the point of the post! (rolling my eyes)
Oh my, I had this exact same experience this morning. Except I deal with a husband, not a child. Also? we had a SNOW STORM here last night, so I only WISH my greatest "getting into the car" problem was walking backwards. :)
Well if you will go REPRODUCING, Keely...
My morning routine is, uh, somewhat different.
;-)
*mwah*
I hit the snooze button that many times, too - but I sure as hell don't wait that long to have coffee! ;)
Hey, please stop looking through my windows and posting about my morning. You're really starting to creep me out.
awesome.
Aw come on. You were so sleepy because you were up all night grinding the axe. Get it?
Yah, that was bad. But I'm not getting laid so I have to hope everyone else is.
I don't even bother setting the alarm or bother with a snooze fest. Sadly, Mrs. Tuna can't ever sleep and is often awake at o 'f*cking clock early.
I'm exhausted so I had a pot of coffee and now I'm exhausted and manic. I'm also hungry now.
YUMMY delicious sleep - followed by coffee!!
Nice to know I'm not the only dawdler....I mean snooze hitter....I mean person that is super efficient in the morning so much so that no detail is missed. HA, just kidding - sleep rocks and I love it!
haaaa looks like we're all in the same boat. except mine are girls and have to fuss about hair, shoes and whether I have signed their planners!!!!
I have a 30 minute drive to work in which I stress over the excuse I'm going to give on that day, running out fast!!!
You only hit the snooze button three times? I'm thinking about setting my alarm for midnight then I can hit it numerous times and still get up at seven and um, be late too. Sigh.
too funny. i wish i couldn't relate. HA!
I'm trying to think of something witty to say but I now have the fucking SAFETY DANCE in my head because of you. Thanks a lot.