The virus masquerading as anti-virus software is about as meta as a blog post about how my life without the internet sucks: Random Tuesday Thoughts

Happy Frozen Tuesday.  Seriously, it's effing cold here.

So after a successful 20 years of computing history without encountering any major virus, my laptop has been laid waste.  While innocently perusing porn a blog post, urgent messages suddenly popped up informing me that my computer was infected! with viruses! and trojan horses! and possibly syphilis! DOOOOM AND DESPAIIIIRR!  And all I had to do to make them go away was enter my credit card number to upgrade my "System Tool".

When I (metaphorically) flipped off the actual Tool that infected my computer instead of handing over my banking information, it took over the wallpaper and continued to warn me in obnoxious purple and pink lettering that viruses could BREAK MY LIFE.

Yes.  Well, the virus is an asshole and my laptop is in the gentle care of the Geek Squad, but the "breaking my life" thing might be accurate.  I have never felt this...disconnected.

That whole "face time" and "talking to people" thing is TOTALLY fucking overrated.  I want my Matrix back, dammit.

As luck would have it, our desktop computer has also been crippled by a broken monitor.  So I'm pecking this out on our "backup" computer, which is the one Alfred owned when we got together.  It's tucked in a corner of the basement, doesn't have any browsers other than IE and still has Limewire installed on it.

My life, it is painful sometimes.

On the other hand, it's pretty hard to open multiple tabs and get distracted, so I'm staying on task for once.

I'm also not sharing any fun links this week, because OMIGOD you may as well ask me to offer you my own eyeballs after removing them with barbed wire rather than try to STUMBLE something.

This basement smells funny. 

I've come to the conclusion (in light of recent events, and yes I'm still talking about that) that the apocalypse probably won't come in zombie form.  This is disappointing in a way, since I've honed my decapitation skills for nothing, and also because shambling corpses would probably be easier to fight than what will actually occur - the sudden removal of our internet umbilical.  We're all going to go out in a spectacular showing of ethernet DTs and twitching eyeballs.

Well, okay, one link, since you're all so nice and we're talking about living our lives online anyway: The Facebook Breakup Notifier App.  Because sitting around waiting for someone to get dumped is a HUGE attraction factor in a mate.

You're welcome.  You didn't even have to watch me gouge my eyes out for that one.  Though it kind of makes me feel like doing it anyway.

You know what else does?  All the Random Tuesday posts that I won't be able to visit this week because the Virus Gods hate me!  You should still write one, anyway, though.  I'm sure many of the other super-nice, generous and supportive participants (who are kind to animals) will visit.

Random up!