Obviously, I’m kidding. I’d prefer to be suffocated with a freshly laundered pillow.

While washing dishes, apropos of nothing:

“You know, you can call me Paul on your blog.”

“…you don’t like ‘Alfred’?”

“No, it’s not that, I’ve just gotten over it.”

“Gotten over…what?”

“I’ve gotten over someone potentially finding out where we live and ax murdering us.”

“That was a thing? You just told me you didn’t like it when I talked about you on my blog. So I don’t.”

“Well, I’m over it.”

“Because you no longer think one of my blog readers is going to visit our home and ax murder us.”

“Right. So you can use my real name.”

“…”

 

Well, you heard him, guys. Get us while his guard is down. Make sure the ax is sharp.