Something

Do you ever have one of those things, that you think is something and you’re kind of freaking out about it but you don’t want to say anything, especially on your blog, because if it turns out to be nothing then you’ll feel kind of dumb?

But then you can’t help yourself and tweet about it and people are like, wait, what? But you don’t want to say too much in case it ends up being nothing and then you’re the asshole who vague-tweets?

Well, guess what? It ended up being nothing! 

(Mostly.)

Recently I went for an echocardiogram – an ultrasound on my heart - because I have a heart murmur. Not one of my three previous GPs ever thought it was a big deal, but this new GP is rather thorough and wanted a “baseline”. In case said heart murmur ever went rogue and became more vocal, I suppose.

So I did that and a week later promptly got a notice ordering me to appear at the hospital, for a Trans Esophageal Echocardiogram, which is basically the same test except THEY DO IT FROM THE INSIDE.

No indication of why, no indication of how well they were prepared to deal with a 37-year-old’s tantrum, no general anesthetic (I asked. After freaking out all weekend because the letter arrived on a Friday). Just “we’re going to shove something down your throat to have a look at your heart, mmmk?”.

Today I finally got to speak to my GP about it, who clarified that they suspect I have a bicuspid aortic valve. Most people have a tricuspid valve, which is why mine sounds funny, and a bicuspid valve is a genetic defect that they can’t do anything about…but it’s a good idea to stay healthy and exercise and monitor it and tell someone if you feel pain in your chest. (I’m glad she said something, I totally wasn’t going to do that otherwise.)

So basically, they think I have this thing that is not really something, it’s pretty much nothing, but they want to get a better look. So they can confirm that it’s nothing.

I am SO glad I didn’t say anything about this.