Really? Really, really.
Thursday, July 29, 2010 at 9:44PM "Everybody is too busy focusing on their own perceived imperfections to notice yours."
That is my usual Tenet To Live By. I'm pretty good at following it, most of the time. However, when there is an impending event that will involve a lot of cameras, such as a wedding or a birthday or, say, BlogHer, I've been known to have the occasional panicky crisis of faith.
I had one today. Thanks to whacky hormones and lack of time to exercise and sheer laziness on my part, I'm officially the same weight that I was a couple of weeks after giving birth to my son. It's only twenty pounds more than I would like to weigh, and I think I look fine. I feel fine, which is equally important, but since all this extra blubber seems to have settled around my waist like a floatation device, I have this pesky little problem: nothing fits.
Mostly I just kind of muddle along in jeans and hope that some chemical rebalancing of my body will eventually win me my wardrobe back. But for something like the BlogHer parties, where I want to look NICE, and maybe wear something SPECIAL, it's problematic. Today, feeling slightly on edge, I thought I came up with the perfect solution: shapewear. Shapewear would shave off a few sizes. Shapewear would turn me into a svelte, confident, social conquerer who doesn't show quite so much gums when she smiles, right?
While that might be slightly true for higher-end products such as Yummie Tummie or Spanx, due to time and money constraints, what I had access to this afternoon was discount shapewear.
(These sudden fixations on specific items to assuage my fashion fears are...often somewhat deluded. I have some very creepy rubber boob-lifter 'cutlets' that will attest to this.)
I took the butt-and-tummy-firmer-and-smoother into the changeroom with a pair of jeans and a nice (if slightly clingy) top. I changed from my comfy 'weekend' jeans and loose tank into the Lycra armor.
...Huh. I don't think this stuff is supposed to CREATE lumps. Maybe they go away after you put the clothes on over top.
Um. Guess not. Isn't this supposed to make me look smaller?
I stood under the unflattering flourescent lights of the outlet mall for a bit, shoulders slumped, wondering if I really looked that paunchy. Then I decided that 'really' is whatever you make it. The people I meet at BlogHer will still be meeting ME.
I put everything back and vowed to only ever shop at places that are smart enough to provide natural lighting.
Then I went and spent that money on wine.
apparently I drink a lot, blogher, fashion
Reader Comments (22)
That cracked me up, I am in the same boat...well sort of, I'm not going to Blogher, where I would meet all you great bloggers, I'm just going to Bloggy Boot Camp, but still want to look good, and I have a "binder" from my csection, and I figured that would help...but it makes me look....lumpy, to say the least!
You'll have a fab time at Blogher no matter what you wear!
I would have spent the money on a pair of shoes and a Mojito! But that is just me!
I mean look at what happened to Cinderella!! A pair of shoes changed her life!!! Seriously!!
Hugs
SueAnn
You made the right choice. Shapewear is miserably uncomfortable. I look at it this way... I have never met anybody from BlogHer before, they don't know what I used to look like. So they have to accept me the way I am now. High school reunions on the other hand are just a nightmare. They all remember me 50 lbs lighter.
Now you'll be able to breathe and it is way easier to have fun if you're breathing.
Those things are just no good for anyone.
wine will make you feel way better than shape shifters.
I caught a sideways glimpse of my muffin top in a shop window yesterday and hastily averted my eyes. I'm hoping everyone at Blogher does the same because I refuse to wear a girdle. (they can call it new more appealing names all they want, but in essence? yeah. girdle)
what shapewear doesn't fix a fanny pack will cover...I suggest a neon one...everyone at Blogher will be so jealous of your hands free small fabric pouch that their eyes won't be able to look away from it's grasp of awesomeness...
discount shapewear sounds like a kick in the self esteem not a boost!
The shapewear I purchased seems to take the lumps and moves them up higher. I don't need an extra roll of boobs. thank.you.very.much. I've since ditched it for slouchy pants and loose tops. God forbid if I ever have to look really nice. Wine was a much better purchase.
One blog I read said everyone is too busy worrying about their own insecurities to notice your flaws. I'm counting on this. And my Spanx.
Wine vs. Shapewear? Wine wins every time in my book, and I don't even like wine that much. hehe
Wine goes down so much easier than shapewear.
Mmmmmmmmmm. Wine.
Scuse me, I need to go lick the bottle.
Yea, I never like it when I wear shapewear...did I just say that out loud?
You made a wise decision on the wine!
That last sentence was pure genius. Wine, that's what we'll focus on!
Ha! I'd go for the wine, too!
I had a high school reunion a while back and I got voted "most changed". Not that I want to look like I did in high school (seriously skinny nerd), but I did NOT think that was a compliment.
That settles it. I'm going to BlogHer next year. In (shape-enhanced) drag.
Wise choice with the wine sister. I'd be needing buckets of it if I were planning on attending BlogHer. Which no way in HELL I am.
same poochiness dilemma here, though mine is in the privacy of my own home, not at BlogHer. Wear dark stuff, or vertical stripes... they say it works???
Oh no, is everybody shopping for BlogHer? Now I'm even more insecure. Damn, maybe I'll have time to hit the mall on Thursday. This is pressure, damnit.
And I promise not to mention your extra weight if you don't mention mine. Eek.
See, you won't even notice your belly if you just wear one of these:
http://www.thebeerbelly.com/The_Winerack_p/200-007.htm
And if you do notice it, you'll be too hammered to care.
You're welcome. And have fun!
Susan
Sigh. I was contemplating the shape enhancing garments too...you've inspired me. Although if anyone asks me when I'm "due", I'm going to have to throw down.