I'd seal an angel fart in the cooler and sell it at the beach: Random Tuesday Thoughts


It seems a bit empty around here lately - I guess I can't compete with the beach. But it means that the rest of you have to up your game on the Random, okay? I know, it's not fair. LIFE ISN'T FAIR.

Every doctor's exam room I've been in always has a higher stool for the doctor to perch on while they talk to your lowly self. Do you suppose that's deliberate?

I've discovered that even ONE lousy cup of coffee in a day messes with my energy levels. Which is really unfortunate because I just bought an entire pound of Highlander Grogg coffee beans. It smells like angel farts and tastes just as smooth.

What do you mean you've never had angel farts? You guys need to get out more. They're right up there with fresh unicorn steaks.

Have you entered my giveaway for a Zuvo Water Filtration System? Why the hell not?

Zombie Jerky.

My two-year-old is in the other room playing with a talking Elmo doll that my MIL gave him for Christmas. When it falls over, it says, "Can you help Elmo up please?"

Right now the conversation is going like this:

"Can you help Elmo up please?"


"Can you help Elmo up please?"

"Um, no."

...that's my boy.

This the space-age design, portable watermelon cooler you've been waiting for. OBVIOUSLY.

I think that's all I've got. I didn't say anything about ME stepping up my random game.