Just a heads up
Thursday, February 18, 2010 at 8:22PM I am a nervous drinker. I'm a little socially awkward, as I'm sure a lot of bloggers feel they are, and that's what I do when confronted with actual human interaction. I mean, if booze is present, of course. I don't stash a flask in my purse or anything. But if the occasion warrants it, and I happen to be having a glass of wine, rather than open my mouth and say something weird, I open my mouth and put wine in it. And then maybe some more, because, well, that glass is right there in my hand. And the bottle is so close! Right there by my elbow. And then I've had 3 or 4 glasses and I'm saying weird and inappropriate things anyway, but oh well, what the hell do I care? I'm shmammered.
Years ago - like, 9 of them in fact - some wonderful friends of mine got married very close to Hallowe'en. They had the theme wedding but managed to make it nottacky, as they have a fantastic group of talented and creative family & friends. At some point, because the people surrounding them were so clever and articulate, they had an open microphone. Soooo many people got up and said such beautiful things about the newlyweds. I was twitching in my seat. I had been best friends with the bride for ages, surely I should say something too?
But I hadn't lived in the area in several years, and none of their friends were MY friends. So I was nervous. And drinking. And I'm pretty sure it was an open bar, or possibly I had just been helping myself.
I got up anyway and started a rambling speech about how in the beginning it had just been my friend and me, and we had been inseparable, and everyone had referred to us as "Keelyandfriend", or "FriendandKeely", but now it was "Husbandandfriend", and um, that was okay too. I guess. But back when we had met we had bonded instantly over chocolate-chocolate chip cookies, and been inseparable, and what the fuck was my point again?
I think my friend started to get that teeth-clenchy look so I abandoned the microphone to someone else and wandered off to tell the MC how I thought if he moved his plastic stick-on devil's horn from his forehead to his chin that he'd be really popular with the girls, heh heh. My friend expressed surprise when I apologized the next day - "you were drunk?" - but she was just being her very kind self. I still cringe when I think of that wedding.
So, yeah. What the fuck was my point again?
Oh, right. See you at BlogHer.
(Don't say I didn't warn you.)
Reader Comments (27)
Not enough wine in on the planet to get me to BlogHer...
good luck my friend.
*ON* the planet... yes, there has been plenty of wine flowing this evening.... PLENTY.
Keely, this is me. I could have written that first paragraph. I shudder to think of all the people I will offend and the inappropriate jokes I will make at BlogHer. I am so inappropriate. Shit, shit, shit. Now I'm nervous.
I will ask one thing of you: keep me away from the vodka. Because if I start drinking martinis, I might decide to tell Dooce how to properly groom her eyebrows or something like that. And I'll think I'm being funny about it, but really I'll be spitting all over her while I talk and sloshing my drink and waving my hands and she'll be flagging down security to carry me away.
Oh my god, that is so going to happen.
Man, this having to sit out this year's BlogHer is sucking more and more for me.
Enjoy! I'll raise a glass in your honor, Keely!
You know, from the safety of my home and all..
You know, from the safety of my home and all..
Cheers!!!!! Here I love the Mojitos. Yum!!! Give me a few of them and I become very brave. Heck, I might even dance. Was there music???
Hugs
SueAnn
I seem to be able to say awkward and inappropriate things without booze. So can you imagine what I say with it? You get the idea.
So if you're going to BlogHer maybe I should re-think my going to BlogHer. Really, do they need more than one drunk mouthy woman?
Oh you will have so much fun at BlogHer!
Do they have wine there?! Just asking!
I love inappropriate. Wish I could go.
Sounds like it's gonna be a party!
And this is why I no longer drink in public. I'm glad I'm not alone in that.
You'll be a hit. Mom's will love you, and raise a sippy of martinis to you, I'm sure!
Nice to know the social awkwardness is such a prevalent thing in the blogging community.
I don't really drink, so every time I go to a party I'm constantly putting food in my mouth instead of my foot. Which limits the asinine things I'm sure to say, but often I end up with residual food splatters some where on my person. Don't know which is worse. But now I've lost my thread.
Going to have a cookie.
Your wedding moment? Sounds a tad horrific, I'm getting anxiety just thinking about your center stage drunken rant. Eek.
Wish I could go to the blog party though.
So, are you a hugger? Because I'm kind of a hugger and if I pull off going this year, I have to know who I can accost.
I have that social awkward thing going on, too!!! What is the BlogHer?
Woohoo! Drunk Keely at BlogHer. I'm sad I'm going to miss it :(
You will love it, I'm sure...from what I hear. I should really go because I'm only five hours away...but I don't think I'll fit in. I'm not a boozer. :-)
Good thing there are no cameras there. Oh wait...
Like some of your other commenters, I need neither booze nor drugs to be awkward and inappropriate!
I hit you with an award dear (http://thepsychobabble.net/blog/?p=1107)
And this post? This post right here? Yeah, that is why I am completely pissed that I am not going to Blogher.
I'm looking forward to the headlines...
Oh, good - you are just like me. I'm so happy that you're going to BlogHer - we can team up and be inappropriate together. Uh, wait...that didn't sound quite right. But you know what I mean. ;)
I always love the part where I wake up at 3:50a.m. and start remembering/reliving all the inappropriate/idiotic things that came out of my mouth when I stopped putting wine in it...
At least you haven't forgotten that you actually got up to say something. That's pretty damn good.
See you RTT!