In my desperate earnest job search, I have recently signed on with a career counselling firm.  I bet you can tell me the first thing they said.


“Sure!” I said brightly.

Internally, that translated as:  ggaaahheeehehheOMGOMGOMGkilllmeeeeeeeeeeeeeeenow!

“I network constantly!” the career counsellor chirped.  “I take coffees to receptionists, I chat people up all the time!”

“Well, sure!” I replied, with slightly less enthusiasm.  Despite my overactive imagination, I absolutely can not picture myself doing that. 

“Social” networking?  Being clever in a bold font or dashing off emails and tweets?  Sure, I can do THAT.  But actually taking the initiative and talking to people I don’t know?  Um…not as much.

As gregarious and loquacious as I may seem one-on-one, the truth is that I would rather have a root canal than ‘network’. (Also, I was probably drunk that one time you saw me.)  I’m okay if I have a script – I was a waitress for years – or if I’m talking about, well, me.  Small talk with strangers?  Calling up people I haven’t seen in 3 years and asking them for favors? I’ll see your root canal and raise you a sucking chest wound.

So this is how my networking efforts have gone thus far:


However, I guess I’d rather have the full-frontal lobotomy with follow-up shock therapy than continue at the job I’m at.  So I’ll sack up.

And possibly have a few drinks first.


(Thanks, as always, to Becky for the pie chart inspiration.)