What goes on in my dogs head
Sunday, October 10, 2010 at 1:56PM Oh, man. My head hurts. What a bender. I don’t even remember what…
Oh, shit. Is that her hoodie? Did I do that again? The last thing I remember is…that sweet sweet smell…and then I must have blacked out.
I have got to stop doing this. I have to get a hold of myself. I’m going to get kicked out, for sure. I just…I can’t explain it, man, when I smell that food – a forbidden crumb – I just can’t help myself. I’m an addict. Even though it makes me sick. When I think of all I’ve destroyed…my relationships, two jackets, a camera bag, a pair of jeans, a diaper bag…and now two hoodies…
And when I found myself eating a diaper? Used food, man? I know I’ve hit rock bottom. I just…I don’t know how to stop.
That’s it, though. If she forgives me after this one – I’m quitting. Cold turkey. Except, without the turkey. I’ll stare any morsel down unless it’s actually handed to me.
Wait. What was that noise? Was that – a CHIP BAG BEING LEFT UNATTENDED?
Shit. I’m going to be homeless for sure.
Keely | 20 Comments
Reader Comments (20)
There has got to be someone who would pay for this story! Priceless!!!! Would only be better with photos.
In our house it's bread bags, homemade cookies and rolls. They are all toast if left unattended. I think ours does it with revenge in mind. See if you leave me home again sister!
And, this is why I don't have a dog. :)
Oh God, a diaper?? Dogs, man. I'll never understand why creatures with such delicate senses of smell enjoy things that are so noxious.
I clicked to this post hoping it would be illustrated. Cough cough draw a comic cough cough!
Sounds about right. Except for the vague sense of guilt. You'll never convince me that dogs feel a shred of remorse.
Ha! Sounds about right! This is so funny!!
Hugs
SueAnn
LOL! That was well funny. My dog is a git too. He eats cow pat.
That sums up just about every dog I've ever owned except the current cur in this house has a fondness for my left shoes. My closet is full of right shoes. I really should get rid of those. It's not like Nordstroms is going to have a sale of left shoes only.
Dogs are arses. Mine don't eat diapers (Good God woman, I pity you). But they do eat toys, food off of the table when my back is turned, socks (and then drag them out into the yard to sit until the next monsoon), and then they puke on my carpet. Thanks for sharing, funny lady.
So I should be happy I have a cat? Laughed out loud, so funny! :)
LMAO Sounds pretty accurate. My cat mainly eats things that aren't food, like plastic and he even tried to eat my lighter once. Go figure.
Have a great week!
Was thinking about getting LG a puppy. Maybe we'll go with PB's idea of a fish, instead.
Used food...... oh...my...dog. Captures the daily "don't you dare eat that or you are going back to the shelter" conversation I have with my precious little Nugget Maker perfectly. What is it about dogs and the consumption of used food???? Sigh. Thanks for the laugh!
Fucking dogs, man.
hahaha, I am wondering who entertains who the most, you or the dog?? Maybe he does it to provide you with blog fodder
Love my dog, even if he has goat like tendencies.
I read that before the title, I was like ,"What?"
Waaaaay too funny! And so true here, too. In fact, we had a friend and his kids over on Saturday - I didn't notice that when he changed his 2-year old's diaper on the back porch while we were all outside goofing off that he left the diaper sitting on my plant shelf. The dogs noticed, though, and made short work of it. Diaper pieces scattered in the backyard. Fun.
It's so nice to learn that my dog isn't the only one with a taste for food of the recycled variety. Although I can't decide which is more difficult to clean up...those tiny diaper balls on carpet or hardwood floors? I swear they stick to hardwood floors as if super-glued there! lol
They are crack heads for sure. I can only imagine that is what is going on in my dog's head.