I swear there was a time I could travel without even having to check any luggage
Thursday, August 6, 2009 at 6:00AM I had a lovely little phoned in "Google Analytics" post all scheduled and ready to go, but suddenly I find myself unable to sleep. Wide fucking awake. And then I remember, oh, hey! I guzzled an entire Coke slurpee less than an hour ago. So not only am I wide awake, but excessively flatulent as well. You're welcome.
Anyway, when caffeine-induced insomnia strikes, brain will wander. And right now my brain is wandering forward a week to our upcoming vacation. And then brain is freaking out a little. Okay, a lot.
See, we're terrible parents and we don't really take our child anywhere. He's never been on a plane, let alone one that will be TAKING OFF, and one that will be DEPARTING RIGHT AT NAP TIME. So really, that has enormous potential to go badly, don't you think?
And the primary reason we're going to Vancouver is to visit some friends, with whom we intended to stay. When I called to confirm that the invitation was still standing, my friend said "Of course!" and then added casually, "But my inlaws will be here as well so as long as you don't mind sleeping in the living room."
Which, of course, we don't, except that I did a quick mental calculation and came to the conclusion that six adults and three children (and a dog and 3 cats) in a 2 bedroom, 1 bathroom house ALSO has the potential to go badly.
We'll be getting a hotel room. (Which mostly only has the potential to end expensively.)
A hotel room means we have to bring a Pack n' Play, which brings the toddler accessories up to, oh, about a metric tonne, and means we can't rent a car so we'll be bussing it with a toddler that likes to dart into traffic and OMG WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T WE JUST STAY HOME.
Sob.
So, um...yeah. That wasn't much of a post either. Don't worry, I'll still post the whacky google searches. Probably tomorrow, along with the winner of the Must Have Mom Manual giveaway. Because nothing says "parenting resource book" like baby spiders and threesomes.
Reader Comments (26)
I would think the inlaws would be relegated to the living room since you guys have a child that would fare better in a 'strange' place with a 'secure' room (think nap times during the visit). But that's just me... :)
Will the hotel supply a crib or playpen? We did that once when the Princess Nagger was about the same age as X...of course she ended up being really scared and slept in the King bed with hubby and I making it feel really small from her bed-hog ways, but at least we didn't have to drag a pack-n-play along for the ride... That way maybe you'll only end up having to take half a metric tonne...just a thought! :)
Good luck with the buses and the hotel room. I am scared for you. We will be staying in my BIL's cabin with only the 5 of us. I am so grateful!
On the bright side, our heat wave is over so it won't feel like you're taking a bus through the Congo when you're here.
Hell, it might even rain on Monday and then you'll really know you're in Vancouver.
Well, there IS a good side. Maybe the trip will encourage you to never go anywhere again.
If you're a bad parent because your son has never flown, I must be, like, going down in the annals of history as Worst Mother in Existence. Ever.
Oldest Son was, I dunno, 20? before he ever flew. Darling Daughter was 16 or 17 (oh, gawd - the story behind THAT), and The Young One was 10.
Of course, I've made up for that, because they've all got frequent flyer miles now.
You will make it! We just took Bug on his first vacation (only a long weekend to the beach) but we dragged everything in the house along for the fun. I feel your pain.
Stacy has a good point...check with the hotel. The less heavy stuff you bring the more content you will be during travel time.
Here's my friendly tip: I would cetainly recommend a few giant sips of something strong to make the leaving go more smoothly. In fact, I'll start sipping for you now...that way, I'll be good and drunk in your honor by the time you and the family are loading up onto the plane.
Huh. I didn't know preserving your sanity by not taking your kids on a plane made you a bad mom. Is there an award for the likes of us? The most we've done is a 5hr car trip (one way) with both kids. It was not fun. Not at all. And neither are the days we go to visit fam for a one day trip (which is 2hrs one way), so by the time we head home, all hell is about to break loose.
I'm sorry, but that sounds like no fun at all! Bummer!
I have 3 words for you: BEN.A.DRYL
Good luck! Bon chance!
Call the hotel. They will bring up beds, bedding, & any other stuff for you. Usually for free or a small fee. Small fee is cheap insurance to a better vacation.
Bring snacks!!!!!! Airlines are cheap bastards and don't care if your son screams himself to Vancouver.
You can Poke Smot in Vancover. Also, to to EA SPORTS and tell them I said hi :)
I second the idea of asking the hotel for either a port a crib or a pack n play. We've traveled a bit, and they always seem to have one. I will also put out to bring the Clorox wipes. And wipe everything. My kid never licked a thing in his life until we got to the hotel room. Then it was game on. I don't get it, but I Cloroxed the hell out of that room...
I always freak out too.
And it has never, ever gone as badly I thought it would. We just did a nap time flight and it wasn't nearly as bad as I envisioned.
I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.
Oh, the joys of the Pack'N'Play! How I miss thee! I may even write a diatribe to it...
What's wrong with not taking your kids anywhere??
I have 5 and the only 2 that have ever experienced real lift off are my oldest two.. they were lucky enough to take a ride in my second cousin's small plane (as in seats 4) shortly after the 3rd boy was born.
So.. yeah.
oh, and I agree on checking to see if the hotel might accommodate your sleeping toddler. :)
did you feel that? it was me magic-ing everything perfect for you.
seriously, though,it's going to be way better than you expect. mostly because you are expecting it to be awful, but still.
I second the Benadryl. It's a beautiful thing. Caiden's first flight was at 8 months, then another at like a year and a half (or something like that) both times the combo of that and take-off knocked him out cold before the plane even leveled out.
P.S. Benadryl, the grown up kind this time, is also good for nervous fliers. (Psst! O Keeper of the Sprite, you may want to note this down.) When I was crazy and couldn't take my Xanax due that little snag called growing a human being inside of me, the OB told me to take the wonder drug to deal with the panic attacks.
Ahhh! There is a difference between a trip and a vacation! A Vacation is a cruise or disney or Hedonism! A trip is visiting friends and missing your own bed! Sad but true!
Someone may have mentioned this, but something for the little one to suck on or eat is a must.
Got to get them swallowing when the plane is descending to help keep the ear pain at bay (as much as you can)
If you have a child that likes to sleep when driving in a car, also rmember to take said child for a ride in pjs so that they are good and zonked out when you get to the hotel and into the crib/playpen they can provide. We were the "loud" neighbours one time with a screaming 2yrold at a hotel not to be named.
Also don't forget if you are using a cab to ask for one with a carseat, if you are renting a car, ask to rent a carseat that will keep you from having to drag that too!
Oh my god, girl. The logistics of your travel (the pack n' play with no rental car) are daunting indeed. But I bet you'll pull it off with your usual aplomb.
Good call on getting a hotel. Funny because I just posted about guest room nookie. I'm so grossed out that I just typed "nookie."
Not to scare you but ACK! I'm a little scared FOR you. We've never traveled with our kids either and won't for at least another year or two. Good call on getting a hotel though, sorry your friend flaked out on letting you stay there. There's no way X could sleep in the living room with people up way later than his bedtime (which is 7PM, right?). Have fun and good luck. The ONE time we took Graham to a hotel, we had to walk him to sleep in the stroller and then transfer him to the bed. Just an idea, in case things go south.
Hi un! I just came by because Slacker-chick likes you, so by the associative property I figured I would too. Guess what? Mrs. Berman, my 7th grade math teacher was right -- you blog is very funny and now I'm following you. But not in a restraining order kinda way, so don't worry. Besides, you have enough to worry about. Although if you want to really save money, just stay at your friend's house for a few hours until THEY inevitably offer to put you up at a nice hotel. They'll probably drive you guys too.
We've traveled a lot with the tot, and my best advice boils down to this: get a portable DVD player. Best of luck, and so glad to have found your blog.
I always panic before a vacation! I hope it goes smoothly for you!
I have anxiety about vacation until the moment we leave in the car. I am a total panic stricken bitch for days.
Have fun!