Titles are for suckers
Friday, August 14, 2009 at 6:05AM Today one of my very favorite bloggers, Frogmama from Frogs in My Formula, is venting some crap she can't post on her own blog. Isn't that always the best material?
My younger brother armpit farts entire songs—usually at restaurants.
He can also belch the National Anthem. His Facebook updates make me
cringe (e.g., “Just fingered a neighbor’s poodle), and he constantly
pretends to make passes at my husband.
Let's call him "a."
When I first came along, my husband Chuck’s best friend referred to me
as the nameless “Chuck’s girlfriend”—for almost a year. If he wanted
to hang out but Chuck was hanging out with me, he’d have a tantrum. He
told me flat out that he liked Chuck’s ex better. He owns a potato
gun.
Let's call him "b."
Knowing the subzero standards of maturity we’re dealing with here, who
do you think told my two-year-old parrot (and by parrot, I mean
toddler) to say, “My mommy’s a lush,” not once but seven times over
dinner last weekend?
If you chose a or b, you’re wrong.
It was our married, Master’s degree-holding, polite and cultured
friends, Eric and Anne. The ones who enjoy wine and tequila just as
much as the Mullets and who hope to be parents soon themselves. The
ones who recycle and shop at Whole Foods and have careers in child
development and healthcare.
Child development.
People, man. They never fucking cease to surprise me.
(For the record, Mommy is not a lush. And Eric and Anne? We can’t wait
to meet your little parrot.)
Reader Comments (21)
Ooooh! I see some serious 'pay back' when Eric and Anne have their own little parrot! ;)
'a' and 'b' sound like real winners... ;)
It's always the ones you least expect it from... But wait - you're not a lush? ;)
Yes! Yes! Oh I do so enjoy talking about nameless people.
I wouldn't let it worry me honey. I've found that people that recycle, eat health food and take about love and peace and Sigmund Freud have a very distorted view of reality.
I do not however, see a need in bad mouthing the potato gun.
Man, that's rough. I was fortunate enough that my hubby's previous girlfriend was a real treat...everyone hated her. So I was an easy in with the "friends" crowd. The standards were pretty low.
I have a feeling my little guy's Uncles are just dying for him to start talking, so they can get him to say embarrassing things when I least expect it.
Revenge will be sweet!
LOL!!! parrot, I never let my hubbie swear in front of the kids and when he did I'd replace it with "Holy Cowasauruses" and well it worked for the first but the second? oh he was stubborn!
just wait until they have their own kids and make sure you get it the loudest, brightest fire truck in existence for it's first birthday. muahahahahaha!
great guest post. your stories crack me up.
Payback's a bitch. I taught my friend's kid to pick his nose and made him repeat "truck" on the phone to several million people since it didn't sound like "truck". Now her kid is 9 and mine are in that impressionable age. I'm screwed and so are your friends.
Fabulous post. Love your humor!
What! No nudity. I only came for the nudity....
Oh, that's right. That's on YOUR blog. heh heh
Your are being featured on Five Star Friday!
http://www.fivestarfriday.com/2009/08/five-star-fridays-edition-66.html
Payback is a bitch, huh? Great post!
They will so get theirs. Little parrots are so much cuter and funnier when they are not your spouting that crap.
Both a and b are asses.
Great story, Mrs. Mullet! When Eric and Anne's little parrot comes to your house, teach it as many annoying little songs as you can, especially ones that are right on the edge of vulgar without tipping into obscenity. Tell the child "these songs are for car trips, the doctor's office, when mommy is on the phone, and at kindergarten screening. And if mommy and daddy say STOP it just means SING LOUDER!"
wow...just wow...I think drunks is a good word to teach eric and annes lil parrot...that or call their cartag # into the litter bug hotline...I have always been a vicious bitch i just play nice on my blog...
I can't wait to hear what you teach their little parrot to say. Awesome.
LMFAO! good one!
It's the polite people you have to worry about, they are sinister on the inside, but I'm betting they've got some pretty dark secrets you can exploit someday. ;)
If you ever have to look after their kids, leave them with a and b for awhile.
And so what if mommy IS a lush?
Lushness is never a bad thing, unless you are driving.... or have have a genetic predisposition to be a lushaholic.
Great Blog. I used to feel like the only mean mommy on the planet.
Then you can tell their parrot that Mommy AND Daddy are lushes. Have parrot repeat so parrot is able to say on command when Mom and Dad have a beverage in hand.
Child Development...I have that degree and I get a kick out of doing some of the things they say NOT to do. I think it is part of parenting.
Oh my gosh. I hope that Eric and Annie have triplets or at least twins. Wouldn't that be fun to train more than one!!!!!