Naked Lunch, mmmm, lunch: Random Tuesday Thoughts

Still on vacay, y'all. Right about now I'm probably dealing with a toddler that's been awake for 36 hours, AREN'T YOU JEALOUS? I recruited the lovely Casey from Half As Good As You to make you feel at home on this random, random Tuesday. Yes, there is still a naked theme around here, but you guys aren't obliged to follow it. And remember! You can't spell RANDOM without BADGER SEQUINS BRATWURST UNICORN!


I was completely honoured to be hosting this week’s RTT until I heard that there was a required naked theme. Usually someone has to buy me at least one drink to get me naked but Keely didn’t even offer. Since I’m a sucker for all things Canadian, I’ll get naked and start typing.

My kid and I were at the store yesterday when my stomach started churning. I instantly regretted having that second cup of coffee and had to act quickly to get to home base in time. I didn’t think I was gonna make it so I used my phone-a-friend and called the husband for backup. He met me in the garage and unloaded the kid while I ran in the house and pulled off one of the most impressive (naked from the waste down) photo finishes to date.

Sometimes I wonder why I share such stories with you guys and then I remember it’s why you (naked, admit it) people keep coming back.

I find (naked) rotisserie chicken to be both delicious and disgusting. You know that little hole where they skewered it? I can’t get past it. I KNOW it’s not a (naked) chicken butthole but every time I come across it, my subconscious takes over and I can’t eat any more.

I’ve been watching Sex and the City reruns lately since there’s nothing else on. I find it fascinating that (naked or clothed) Sarah Jessica Parker can go from being butt ugly to insanely hot in a split second. It’s like a hidden super power and I want it.

Our household recently embarked on project Matching Sippy Cup. We gathered every single fucking cup and lid in the residence and threw all of the mismatched ones away. Then we bought several more of the matching kind to replace the pitched ones. I’m not sure which part makes me more of a loser, the fact that I spent an afternoon on sippy cup maintenance or the fact that not having to rifle through a drawer of mismatched lids is the highlight of my life (even more so than being naked).

I recently became immune to two different kinds of chap stick. I finally got so frustrated with licking my insanely (naked) dry lips that I broke out the leftover nipple cream from when I was nursing. Now my lips are soft-like-(naked)boob.

Blowjob. Anal. Porn. I just wanted to leave Keely with some interesting Google search terms while she’s away. Don't say I never gave you anything, Keely.

That’s all the nakedness I can conjure up for now. I can’t suck my (naked) gut in any longer. Thanks to Keely for letting me stop by, hopefully she’s enjoying her water skiing trip at the local nudy resort. I expect lots of (naked) pictures when she returns.