Yeah, screw you, Rob
Monday, August 10, 2009 at 6:00AM As I may have mentioned, I'm away on vacation this week. But it's okay! Don't cry! I've lined up some amazing people to tell you stories while I'm gone. I'm not really sure how this happened, but the theme for the guests this week ended up being teh naked. So if you're easily offended, first off, I have no fucking idea what you're doing here. And secondly, you may want to avert your sensitive eyes.
First guest blogger on the chopping block is Captain Dumbass, of Us and Them. Coincidentally to this story, it's his anniversary today! So head on over there when you're done here and wish him lots of happy anniversary nookie.
So a week or so ago, Keely sent out this email asking for some guest posts while she's off on holiday. I'm not sure how many of us were on that list, but we were obviously the wrong group of people to ask and leave unsupervised. Somehow the theme ended up as nudity/and or nude blogging. There may have been another subject as well, but I'm not touching that one. Ok.
Picture, if you will...
*cheesy tv special effects*
It's November of 1996, and a young Supreme Leader and Captain Dumbass have finally saved up enough money after their August wedding to fly off to Maui for their honeymoon. (And in hindsight, that worked out well, 'cause Maui in August? What's the point?) Ah...? Where was I going with this? Sorry, left to get some ice cream and now I've kinda lost my train of thought. Actually, that's not it at all. I reread what I'd done and decided I really didn't want to tell it from the third person but I'm also too lazy to go back and rewrite it. Are you a regular at the Un-Mom's and don't know me? Ya, it's not going to get any better.
Anyway, things did not get off to a smooth start. I got to the airport and realized I'd forgotten my passport at home and only had my drivers license for ID. Lucky for me, the US Customs guys took pity on me and let me board the plane anyway, though that may have had more to do with wanting to avoid the paper work and court appearances that would have resulted in my wife murdering me in front of them. So ya, they let me board the plane with only my drivers license. The world was a different place then. After that it was all good. The flight was great and we sat beside an interesting guy, Rob, who was flying over for a wedding. And another aside here, who the hell gets flown to exotic islands for other peoples weddings? Bastards.
So yadda yadda, island paradise, blah blah blah. Our first full day there we find this beach called 'Big Beach.' It's beautiful. Right beside it though, nestled between two old lava outflows is 'Little Beach,' which is even more beautiful, secluded and nude. When in Rome, right? I convince my young bride that we should check it out, after all, not like we're going to run into anybody we know.
Ah... there's nothing like warm sunshine on your bits where the 'sun don't shine' and everyone should swim in warm ocean water naked at least once in their lives and holy shit, is that Rob from the plane? Of course it is! Heh heh, ya, what a coincidence, Rob. Yep, sure is beautiful. I mean, aside from the millions of tiny daggers been fired into my back right now. Hurt? They sure do, probably not as much as they will later. What? Oh no, I put LOTS of sun tan lotion on. Thanks.
But then he left and the sun was still warm and so was the ocean and we were still on our honeymoon so whatever. Until the next day. We stop by a grocery store to pick up some food when we hear a voice yell out from behind us, "hey! It's the nudies!" Oh yes, it's our old friend Rob from the plane again, only this time he's with his aunt and uncle whom he proceeds to remind that this is the couple he'd been talking about the night before. You know, the ones from the plane who were on the nude beach? Yes, Rob, that was us. The Nudies. Ha. Ya, funny. Still. Um, your aunt is starting to creep me out a little. Inappropriate.
So, the moral of the story (moral? Ahahahah) if you find yourself thinking 'what the hell? It's not like anybody knows us here,' keep doing whatever you were going to do. Hell, you only live once. Screw you, Rob.
Reader Comments (41)
"Hey it's the nudies!"
Classic.
Sorry about that, when I've spotted nudies I always let them know.
Rob.
Good one although hard to believe they let you onboard without your passport! I enjoyed the beaches of Cypress topless and that was adventurous enough for me.
I visited "Little Beach" last year and though I didn't know anyone there, I felt a strange connection with them all. So, I tried to strike up a few conversations. Ya, it turns out nudies can be rather stand-offish when naked strangers approach them for no good reason. It's ironic.
Great post.
Hi from your "neighbour". Nice to see you here and loved the story - haven't we all had a "Rob" in our life at least once - sad to say.
Oh and why was it ok for him to be on Little Beach but newsworthy to tell the family about you and your bride??
Happy anniversary, Cap'n and SL and I've told more than a couple of Robs in my life to screw off. What's one more?
Happy Anniversary you crazy kids!
This would happen to me every single time I decided to pull a "What the hell no ones me here".
Yeah, who does get flown to a tropic paradise for a wedding. That would've been "screw you" strike number one.
In any case, you are a much brave man than I.
...and this website is cool! Comics? The Un-Mom is awesomely awesome!
That is a classic tale of adventure gone slightly sour that makes for years of hilarious re-telling. :)
Ya nudie. *I had NO idea that you and SL were so wild and crazy!!*
Oh, yeah. It's our anniversary, too. 24 years. After our August wedding? We went to Cleveland for our honeymoon. Ohio. Yep, in August, too. It's very similar to Maui.
Somehow nude beach and heckler free are not one and the same beach. Great post! Thanks for sharing. Everything.
I guess your "nudity" must have appeared quite remarkable to ol' Rob. Sounds like he had a good gaffaw going with his aunt and uncle over the dinner table - at your expense. Nice one.
what the hell was Rob doing on the nude beach in his clothes anyway?? or... was he?
Yes. Screw you, Rob.
I'm an American that was married to a British guy back in the early 90's and every holiday we took to a foreign destination, there were always one or two neighbors from our street in Southern England who spotted us while on the nudist beaches! Learned I could never do the "who will know us here" kind of thing! Every British person whether rich or poor took umpteen vacations per year. Lucky bastards.
I love Big Beach. Haven't been to Little Beach myself, but no need when the nudies will go there for me and tell me all about it.
When SL woke up and read this she sighed deeply and told me she'd forgotten about most of this. Heh heh.
I'm so not surprised... that is something that would totally happen to you. Too bad your lovely wife had to suffer!
Was the water cold?
Yeah, that's a good one....almost as good as the time a couple years ago when the husband of a colleague of mine yells across the gas station in my home town "Have a great vacation, Sandy, and try to keep your bathing suit on." Seems I had let slip to his wife after a few drinks that I like to sunbathe topless in Mexico where we used to go anually. Now I guess most of the town knowns.
First of all, putting a moral at the end of that story... pointless. And how big was the island because I think Rob was stalking you my friend. Seriously. Great story (and yet another reason I don't ever do things in public I would be ashamed getting caught doing because you never know who you'll run into...) Nice.
Just like FB! :)
See that would have been a good time to ask Rob how his "rash" was feeling that day. Let him try to explain to his Aunt and Uncle that he didn't have a rash where they couldn't see.
Ok, maybe only I'm that mean spirited. Glad the rest of the vacation was uneventful.
Ok, so the Robster was wearing clothes on a nude beach, talking to his blood relations about naked honeymooners while going solo to a wedding he was letting others pay to fly him in for, and he made you feel bad? I WISH I had his self-esteem. Screw you, Bob.
I think Rob's probably just jealous of what he saw. We went to a nudist beach while we were on or honeymoon and my honey mooned everyone. Hardy har har.
Isn't Maui part of the United States? Why would you need a passport?
ROB WAS JUST JEALOUS
honest he was
he told his aunt he was
she told his cousin
who told her neighbor
who put it on face book
where a bloggy friend of mine read it
and then emailed me to say hey
isnt this about capt'n dumbass?
oh and btw
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY