Dear So and So
Friday, July 17, 2009 at 7:51PM Dear Kid on the Bike,
Yes, I realize that you belong to the halfway house down the street, and that you've probably had a terrible life and your mother doesn't love you and you likely have FAS. However, I've known several people who work for the organization that cares for you and I'm pretty sure that they don't teach you that your situation gives you the right to be an asshole.
In other words, please stop tormenting my dog by biking slooooooowwly past the fence while she loses her mind and disturbs the entire neighbourhood, because I've repeatedly asked you not to. And please stop using the pile of dirt on my driveway as a ramp for your bike. I realize it's been there a while, but I do have a plan for it and it's not much good to me if it's spread to the four corners of the city. Also, I've repeatedly asked you not to.
Now get off of my lawn and pick up your feet,
Keely
Dear Elderly Neighbour,
I'm very sorry that you are disappointed that my son hasn't lived up to your (entirely unfounded) prediction of early verbosity. I assure you that he isn't doing it intentionally. Please stop dropping un-subtle hints regarding his intelligence.
Now get off of my lawn and pick up your feet,
Keely
Reader Comments (25)
Do you live next door to me? You've just described the little cretin that lives across the street from us to a T.
I hate that kid. I think we have his big brother living up the street from us. The loud car with the radio base turned up to ear piercing level makes me want to shoot his tires out. I just have to find a gun.
@Jan and @Michele and @Keely... that shit head's parents must have had little cretins all over the globe, because I'm pretty sure he has siblings (or maybe his parents) living in my neighborhood. They are soo keen on setting off firecrackers for hours...TWO WEEKS AFTER THE FOURTH!!???!!! SERIOUSLY????
I ran into all kinds of those at college. See, the city/county thought it would be a GREAT idea to put a row of half way houses next to a college campus. I wonder how many were criminals before they hit the half way house. Thank god they revamped the area and the half way houses are in a more appropriate location......one that I don't know about.
So, NOT a beautiful day in the neighborhood? Sic the elderly neighbor on the hood kid-that'll learn 'em!
Ah, neighbors.... it's all good ;)
Off topic: Imagine my surprise that you hadn't been "stumbled upon" yet! Took it upon myself to spread the word of The Un Mom
other people's children! grumble!
Neighbors suck... yes, that is my final answer.
Did you ever see the "Toxic Avenger"? Let's just say that there is a scene with a kid on a bike!!!
Obnoxious children abound, and I'm not sure it has anything to do with their parents... or lack thereof.
You need to teach Xander how to give people the finger. Then just install him on your driveway and let him have at 'er.
That riding back and forth thing? I had a neighbor, a grown man, a lawyer who used to walk back and forth from my driveway to the other end of my property with his dog to make my dog nuts. Best moment of the whole thing was when most of the neighborhood witnessed his wife giving another guy a blow job in a car parked down the street.
That same kid lives here in Los Angeles too! Only he's packing heat.
Our Mrs. Kravitz neighbor is an old Russian woman, who picks up trash from in front of my house, then rings my bell and shows it to me. When I try to take the trash from her she just says "No, I just wanted you to see it." AARRGG.
that kid sounds like an asshole. no wonder his mom is a drunk.
Sounds like you need to release the hound.
UGH! We have one of those cretins living next door - and yes, it's the same house the damn pit bull lives. Seems our yard is the pit bull's toilet, and the kid loves to ride up and down their driveway next to our yard and laughs evilly as he torments the dogs who can't cross the boundary and are running back and forth barking incessantly at him. I've stopped telling them to stop barking. I think it's only fair.
I think it's time you put some nails down on the dirt pile to pop his punk assed tires. And screw that old lady, why do people need to open their mouths?
Holy... your neighbors are annoying! Clearly, you are a saint.
You should just need to have a sign that says "pick up your feet and get off my lawn".
Is it wrong that I really like Casey's idea?
I have several kids that do that too! It is really annoying.. One will just stand at the midpoint of our yard and talk on her cell with her bike and just stands there while the dogs go insane!
Does the neighbor stand and try to get Xander to say words? Such as repeatedly saying "Flower" while pointing to a flower? LG thinks it's hysterical when our neighbor does that, but he has yet to say a word she's suggested...
We have a middle aged neighbor who walks his vicious dog down the street and stops to let the dog taunt all the other neighbor dogs. He once complained to me about having LG playing in the front yard. It bothers his dog. Uhm, my yard? Dumba$$?
What's with all the feet draggers in your neighborhood?
Can you dog, um, accidentally escape one day and teach the kid a lesson? (Is that mean? It could be a little lesson...)
Run him over.
Piss on your neighbor's windows.
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