Dear So and So

Dear Kid on the Bike,

Yes, I realize that you belong to the halfway house down the street, and that you've probably had a terrible life and your mother doesn't love you and you likely have FAS. However, I've known several people who work for the organization that cares for you and I'm pretty sure that they don't teach you that your situation gives you the right to be an asshole.

In other words, please stop tormenting my dog by biking slooooooowwly past the fence while she loses her mind and disturbs the entire neighbourhood, because I've repeatedly asked you not to. And please stop using the pile of dirt on my driveway as a ramp for your bike. I realize it's been there a while, but I do have a plan for it and it's not much good to me if it's spread to the four corners of the city. Also, I've repeatedly asked you not to.

Now get off of my lawn and pick up your feet,

Keely

Dear Elderly Neighbour,

I'm very sorry that you are disappointed that my son hasn't lived up to your (entirely unfounded) prediction of early verbosity. I assure you that he isn't doing it intentionally. Please stop dropping un-subtle hints regarding his intelligence.

Now get off of my lawn and pick up your feet,

Keely

Dear So and So...