"Re-integrate Keely into the Matrix" has a nice ring to it, too
Wednesday, July 1, 2009 at 4:34AM Yesterday I may have convinced one or two of you to go out and buy Sims 3. Well, now I feel I must issue a warning: those Sims can be destructive little bastards.
Apparently my phone-Sim felt maligned by my portrayal of her whorish self in yesterdays post, because immediately after I hit 'publish', I headed upstairs to bed, lalalala, went to the bathroom first, phone in hand, swung my arm a little and - FLOOP! - straight into the toilet bowl it went.
I swear to you, I couldn't have made that fucking shot if I'd tried. It was the Sim, forcing my hand and launching herself to an untimely (if somewhat more dignified than her first) death.
I picked up the phone, which seemed okay, and I remembered my phone-salesman friend saying that the WRONG thing to do was hit a bunch of buttons to see if it still worked, because that fries things, and that in the event, you should just turn it off. So I hit the button to turn it off.
It immediately did it's best imitation of a strobe light on a Japanese game show and vibrated across the counter top where I'd set it.
Fuuuuuuucccckk.
So I pulled the battery, and it's drying out now, but I don't have much hope for it. I just got the stupid thing, and I didn't put the 'extended warranty' on it. In fact, I remember having this exact conversation with the salesguy when he tried to sell me on it:
Me: "Will it be covered if I drop it in a toilet or if my toddler throws it at the ceramic tile?"
Him: (giving me a look like I'm the first person in the history of cel phones to ever anticipate that happening) "Uh, no, sorry."
Me: "Well, those are the two most likely scenarios right there, so it's not going to do me much good."
Him: "Well, you get a free 1GB memory card with it."
Me: "Is THAT going to help me if its in the toilet?"
...Yeah. In addition to having to replace it at full cost, I've been phoneless all day and frankly, I'm freaking the fuck out here, people. I had no idea I relied so much on that shiny, chunky, camera-y, vibrating bar of touch-phone goodness.
Went to text FoN to tell her what happened. Oops.
Went to check on my Sim to apologize for outting her as a total slut. Oops.
Went to grab a quick pic of my son making a sandwich out of his toast and some crayons. Crap.
And then, bravely I thought, left the house to run errands. Do you have any idea how BORING waiting in line at the grocery store is? I actually had to read something about somebody named Speidi. What the hell kind of name is Speidi?
And the torture in line at the bank. Precious minutes when I could have been twittering my agony to the entire blogosphere, lost.
Do you think it would be very obvious and self-serving if I were to email LG and ask to, um, review a Voyager on my blog?
Or maybe a "Save Keely's Social Networking Life" campaign on twitter. With a Paypal button.
In other news, my stove has also crapped out. Unsurprisingly, because this is just the way the universe works for me, it will cost me approximately the same to replace THAT as my phone at full cost. Also unsurprisingly, that's approximately the same amount of money we can possibly come up with at the moment without selling our son.
...We don't really need to eat, do we?
Reader Comments (36)
I WAS thinking about going to get that game but I'm not bringing that demonic ho into my house now.
ahh...you must also be on the "never get ahead, always break even" life plan that i am on. awesome, isn't it?
ps - i dropped my phone in asink full of water (soaking sippy cups) and everyone told me to put it in a bag of rice for a couple of days to dry it out. good luck.
Ah let me guess Rogers?
I'm afraid I'm far more attached to my stove than my phone, so your second disaster would meet with far more wailing and gnashing of teeth on my end. That being said, I'd still let out a scream (or three) if something happened to my Crackberry because then how would I be able to read all of my blog comments on the rare occasion I can't get to my laptop??
Apparently the revenge taken from one you caused to boink herself to death is mighty. I always keep about three spare phones around *just in case*.
i have hope for your phone. most electronics are ok after they dry out - given you don't press a bunch of buttons and stuff. then again, that strobe light show it put on for you can't be a good sign. nevermind.
note to self: always get extended warranty on phones.
SPEIDI a GREAT nickname! Sucks about the phone, it blows...
I'm on the same life plan as Beth, so I'm with you on this one. You can have my phone. Everytime I answer it, someone tells me 1) something big broke 2) my kid did something wrong or 3) I need to change something at the last minute. So, since I'm not answering anymore, you might as well have it...
LMAO that poor whorebag Sim just wanted to go swimming.
I've dropped (more than one) my phone in the pool, but never the shitter. I'm still cracking up!
Good luck getting everything taken care of!
Are you sure your stove and your phone aren't in cahoots? Have you pissed off the washing machine lately?
Dude, that fucking sucks. I feared a similar fate with the coffee vs laptop situation a few weeks back but the laptop surprisingly won.
Can you look on ebay for a replacement phone? Muuuuuuuch cheaper. Wait, do you guys even HAVE ebay?
Don't feel bad, between my husband and myself we've lost 5 cell phones to the toilet - usually because they fall out of our pockets, or because we stupidly set them on the back of the toilet. And I've lost two myself to the bath tub - guess I shouldn't be using them when I'm in there! All with in the last six years...
Maybe you shouldn't touch the computer until the "electrical applicance hex" is taken off of you. I'm sorry!! That is CRAP! Be careful!!!
So how much can you get for a kid these days?
Speidi. I lurve it.
oh no i'm so very sorry. really. you could always trade "something" on craigslist for a phone. I saw some flirty girl doing that.
Food is overrated. The oven and phone are more important.
Sounds like a funtabulous day!
You could've gotten the warranty and just claimed that you woke up and found it dead. You don't KNOW why it smells like piss, just replace the damn phone! I don't think they send a PI to confirm your story....then again, who knows with some of those companies.
Hope it gets better....
I enjoy your blog BTW.
~Stephanie
Wait.
You can play Sims on your phone???? How? When? Where?
You just ROCKED my world.
Oh! And sorry about your phone! I never bring mine to the bathroom...I bring the laptop because it is too big to fall in. :-D
Try putting it in a bowl of rice. Someone just told me that the rice pulls the water out of it some how. I don't know how it works, but this guy did it and it worked. The only thing is I don't know how long you have to put it in the rice.
You poor thing. That just sucks... all of it! I'll definitely donate to your cause! Also, I would totally write to LG and ask them to send you a phone in exchange for a fantabulous review! No harm in asking!
Wow - I had no idea you had such a phone addiction. Just think of all the people you can ignore now!
The whole oven/stove combo went??
I just got Sims 3 for my computer the other day but havent used it yet!
I have not ever played a Sims game. Maybe that is a good thing.