"Re-integrate Keely into the Matrix" has a nice ring to it, too

Yesterday I may have convinced one or two of you to go out and buy Sims 3. Well, now I feel I must issue a warning: those Sims can be destructive little bastards.

Apparently my phone-Sim felt maligned by my portrayal of her whorish self in yesterdays post, because immediately after I hit 'publish', I headed upstairs to bed, lalalala, went to the bathroom first, phone in hand, swung my arm a little and - FLOOP! - straight into the toilet bowl it went.

I swear to you, I couldn't have made that fucking shot if I'd tried. It was the Sim, forcing my hand and launching herself to an untimely (if somewhat more dignified than her first) death.

I picked up the phone, which seemed okay, and I remembered my phone-salesman friend saying that the WRONG thing to do was hit a bunch of buttons to see if it still worked, because that fries things, and that in the event, you should just turn it off. So I hit the button to turn it off.

It immediately did it's best imitation of a strobe light on a Japanese game show and vibrated across the counter top where I'd set it.


So I pulled the battery, and it's drying out now, but I don't have much hope for it. I just got the stupid thing, and I didn't put the 'extended warranty' on it. In fact, I remember having this exact conversation with the salesguy when he tried to sell me on it:

Me: "Will it be covered if I drop it in a toilet or if my toddler throws it at the ceramic tile?"

Him: (giving me a look like I'm the first person in the history of cel phones to ever anticipate that happening) "Uh, no, sorry."

Me: "Well, those are the two most likely scenarios right there, so it's not going to do me much good."

Him: "Well, you get a free 1GB memory card with it."

Me: "Is THAT going to help me if its in the toilet?"

...Yeah. In addition to having to replace it at full cost, I've been phoneless all day and frankly, I'm freaking the fuck out here, people. I had no idea I relied so much on that shiny, chunky, camera-y, vibrating bar of touch-phone goodness.

Went to text FoN to tell her what happened. Oops.

Went to check on my Sim to apologize for outting her as a total slut. Oops.

Went to grab a quick pic of my son making a sandwich out of his toast and some crayons. Crap.

And then, bravely I thought, left the house to run errands. Do you have any idea how BORING waiting in line at the grocery store is? I actually had to read something about somebody named Speidi. What the hell kind of name is Speidi?

And the torture in line at the bank. Precious minutes when I could have been twittering my agony to the entire blogosphere, lost.

Do you think it would be very obvious and self-serving if I were to email LG and ask to, um, review a Voyager on my blog?

Or maybe a "Save Keely's Social Networking Life" campaign on twitter. With a Paypal button.

In other news, my stove has also crapped out. Unsurprisingly, because this is just the way the universe works for me, it will cost me approximately the same to replace THAT as my phone at full cost. Also unsurprisingly, that's approximately the same amount of money we can possibly come up with at the moment without selling our son.

...We don't really need to eat, do we?