I remember when "Are you dissin' my man?" was something people actually SAID. Well, okay, no, just this one girl. (Part 2)
Friday, June 19, 2009 at 6:41AM (continued from yesterday)
I glanced at Pilot Boy, confused. "Uh - what?"
"My girlfriend is going to kick your ass," the guy repeated. "Hey, Cheryl!" he yelled over his shoulder. "You coming?"
"Hang on, I have to get my shoes on!" a disembodied voice replied, from the general location of the semi truck. Momentarily a girl stumbled out of the darkness, carrying a beer and pulling on a shoe, with tall hair shellac'd into place. She looked around at the assembled company and then back at the dude for confirmation. He gestured at me.
"Are you dissin' my man?" she demanded, pointing a finger at me.
I stared at her, taken aback. Not because of the accusation, but because someone had actually used "are you dissin' my man" in conversation. I looked at FoN and Valentina, who were equally stunned. Pilot Boy was gazing back and forth between the guy and the girl like they were in a tennis match, a look of astonishment on his face.
"Wh-what?" I managed to reply.
"Are you dissin' my man?" she repeated. She looked a little put out that we weren't already trading punches. Apparently this wasn't how the script went.
FoN and I looked at each other. And then we burst out laughing.
"Am I - what??" I managed, through hysterical laughter. "Am I DISSING your MAN?"
She sneered. "You told him to fuck off!"
"He told me to shut up! You guys are setting off the air horn on a semi truck, and you're telling ME to shut up?"
The conversation (I use that term loosely) continued in that exasperating vein for a bit. Apparently my earlier rage wasn't as settled as one would hope, because eventually she goaded me somehow - I don't remember, but FoN says she called me a "fat bitch" - and suddenly I really DID want to kick her ass.
Or, y'know, try. Considering I'd never been in a fight in my LIFE.
FoN, who I've often thought was born a couple of decades too late, was trying to placate both of us by saying things like, "Hey, we're all happy here, it's all good, peace and love and groovyness, you guys!". Neither of us were responding well to that approach. Meanwhile, Cheryl the Ass-kicking Redneck's "man" was smirking at the sidelines, saying things to Pilot Boy like, "This is gonna be good," and "Do you think they'll end up rolling around in the mud? I hope so."
Class. Act.
Anyway, he was disappointed. At my core, I really didn't want to fight, so I let FoN and Valentina drag me away, leaving Cheryl and her Man standing around our tent with Pilot Boy. He claimed later that he offered to fight in my stead, but that really wasn't what the Yokel Couple was after. Eventually they wandered off and climbed back into their semi, which ran all night. FoN and Valentina talked me down and returned me to the tent.
In the morning, Pilot Boy and I were at each other's throats with renewed vigour as we realized the Datsun Z was lodged firmly in the mud. We had to track down some people we hadn't pissed off with our fighting to help push us out. I think there were maybe 3.
The semi truck was nowhere to be seen.
Kind of anti-climactic, I know. So I'll leave you with the moral of the story: Don't date conceited pilots.
Oh, and don't tell people in semi trucks to fuck off.
(I forgot to mention that this was all inspired by the topic over at the Spin Cycle this week)
(Also, Google Reader is not showing my last 3 posts for some reason. If ya'll are using the feed to keep track of me, you may have to res-subscribe?)
Reader Comments (30)
Yeah, you're not in my reader either. Weird.
I do remember semi-truck guy trying to ramp it back up everytime the situation would calm a little. He would say things like, "you really going to walk away from that little bitch, Cheryl?" There was a part of me who really did want to see you kick her ass. And maybe his. But just think how much joy we've gotten out of 'Are you dissin' my man?' over the years? It's pretty much a punch line to everything at this point.
Dude! Glad you spared her life. You would have ripped something on her fierce. I think. Meh, it sounded good. Maybe you should have changed the name Cheryl to "Google Reader" since it's not being very nice to you right now.. You're linked and love the memory!
You gave up the opportunity to say you kicked the a$$ of someone named cheryl, with big hair and poor grammar? I'm a tad disappointed. But it does make a darn good story.
Note to self: Add pilots under Canadian Mounties in the list of professions to avoid...
I'd have so gotten killed by her "man" when I replied, "Man? What man? That's a man??" She wouldn't have had to lift a finger.
Yeah, I tend to piss people off that way.
Thank you for FINALLY (ha ha ha) finishing the story. I really wish you had kicked her ass, only because I want to live vicariously through you. (I've secretly always wanted to get in a fist fight with someone.)
LMFAO!!!
THis is great!
Happy Friday!
I played too!
Yes, thank you for finishing this story!! As anti kick-a-redneck's-ass as it was. I was hoping for a full on throw down.
I was expecting a cat fight...so sad now...
Wait. You DIDN'T kill her?! Well, crap. Ah, well-good morals at the end! (I dated a Pilot Boy. Bastard.)
Sadly, the setup was way funnier than the delivery.... oh well, you still said "pitching tents" in the last one, so all is well!
Interesting story. I really like it that I just caught up and found both posts, so I didn't have the whole cliffhanger effect. It's the little things that make life worth living, yeah!!
Awww man! Here I was hoping for some juicy gore like pulled hair and scratches...(snicker!) Nah, it just confirms that you are a good person and a lover not a fighter... ;) I'm still snickering over 'Dissin' my Man' bit... And yeah, love the moral - don't date conceited pilots...or in my case, don't marry conceited flight attendants (and don't call 'em 'stewards' or else...) ;)
This story would be much funnier if I wasn't visiting red-neck country right now.
Okay, I'm glad you finished the story and I'll keep the moral in mind. Just in case I ever er, ditch my husband and find myself faced with dating a pilot. Maybe he was the reason Canadian Airlines went bad?
Just wanted to let you know that you're showing up fine in my reader. (Also Google.)
That is a fabulous story. I'm so glad that your ass was not kicked - although I might have liked it if you had done the ass kicking.
Hilarious story! Loved it!
Alright an ass kicking on your part would have been justified, but seeing as how you'd never beat someone down before, that probably wouldn't have been the way the story ended. :( I mean, I'm pretty sure you can take a zombie throng, but a trucker named Cheryl... ;) She provided a heck of a quotable though, I hope you don't mind if I borrow, "Are you dissin' my man?" for later use.
I've never been in a fight, either. I get sad when people don't like me. I'm so adorable, how can they not? I mean, really. Talk about pilots, I worked in the airlines for 8 years. 9 out of 10 are conceited d-bags.
Sounds like you were in the infield of a NASCAR race! LMAO!
OMG, those rednecks are my people, so I can't believe nobody's ass got kicked that night. Freakin' hilarious. I agree, the part that would have gotten to me was that someone ACTUALLY TALKS THAT WAY. Just awesome. More posts about your misspent youth, plz.
So funny! I wouldn't have fought either, because secretly I'm a big chicken and hate getting hurt. It's a great story!
Funny story! I've never been in a fight in my life either.
So, I am looking forward to reading your scraping the bottom of the barrel celebrity meeting story. Don't forget to link up this week on my blog.
Maybe you should tell Google reader to fuck off too? I've missed your past three posts until just now! What the hell?
you are both showing up in my reader.
wow, great story. I'm feeling inspired to maybe share an old story of my own. i was hit on by a jocky a couple of years ago and that was AWES, but maybe I should go futher back? I've known my bff for 20 years too - I'll have to see if she has any good ideas about stories to post.