My Secret Garden is not very secret

You know that saying, "Good fences make good neighbours"? I'd like to add a clause. Chain-link fences, despite their appeal for people like me (no maintenance! Can potentially be electrified in the event of the zombie apocalypse!), do not have the same effect.

Don't get me wrong. I really like our neighbours and their massive selection of tools that they lend freely chattiness. I really don't mind shooting the breeze when they're outside, except that they're the sort of leathery specimens who are outside all. the. fucking. time. Seriously. Unless there's hail or it's 40 below, they are outside from the asscrack of dawn until wee hours of the morning. And that chain link fence leaves me nowhere to hide.

"Oh, hey, how are ya? I mean, any different than when I saw you 20 minutes ago? No? Um, I'm just going to weed my garden here then and try not to provide you with any cleavage shots or blatant plumber butt, okay?"

"Oh, yeah, well, all those leaves...from last fall...I feel awkwardly obliged to comment on those, and how I swear I will be removing them soon, because normally you wouldn't see them at all but because of this fucking see-through fence they're providing a stark contrast to your immaculately manicured lawn. It must be nice to be retired, huh?"

Having said that, I'm really going to miss those people and their encyclopaedic knowledge of gardening friendly ways. Because as of next week, we get NEW neighbours. And I know practically nothing about them, except that they're a man and a woman who are just friends (this was relayed with a meaningful cough) and have some form of progeny (Age? Gender? Quantity? Potential to be hanging around the back alley with their thug friends? No idea). I hope they're not whackjobs.

I especially hope they're dog people, because my dog...is a dog. She doesn't "think she's people". She's well aware that she's a DOG, and that by definition she is obliged to bark at strangers, other dogs, the garbage truck, and stray scraps of paper. She enjoys her job. She also shits in the backyard, because I can't seem to get her to flush the toilet, and I get around to picking that up like, twice a year. Whether it needs it or not.

The existing neighbours are dog people, and have two dogs of their own. Theirs are better behaved (a rabid wolverine would be better behaved), but they're a lot more tolerant of her canine shenanigans than NON dog people would be. With the leaves and the dog poop and the generally dishevelled state of my yard, we're already perilously close to being those neighbours.

Think I can put up a new fence in a week?