Let it be known that I am not a cocktease
Thursday, April 30, 2009 at 5:21AM So I taunted you with the promise of a post about Saturday night's sex tradeshow excursion, but I've been kind of at odds about it. Blogging about sex and it's accoutrements is not really my bailiwick. I usually leave that up to the Petras of the writing world; they do it, and they do it well.
So to speak.
I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm very glad people share these things. Otherwise I might have been startled to find myself sipping a Cosmopolitan while surrounded by every shape, size, color and flavor of dildo ever created.
(As it was I could casually browse the merchandise and say things like, "Oohhh, this one is a DUAL vibe," without appearing like a complete idiot. I hope.)
I am going to point out here that I don't go out much anymore. It's not that I don't like to have a good time - it's just that I wrung the last drop of appeal out of the "loud bar and bad cover band" scene ages ago, and not a lot else happens around here. So when opportunities like this arise (heh - double entendre anyone?), you jump on them (and again! Okay, I'm done). Except that so does everybody else.
And it's a small city, folks. In a teeming crowd of drunks carrying bags of sex toys, I ran into at LEAST five people that I never wanted to have to picture having sex. Ever.
Because "Taboo - The Naughty But Nice Sex Show" was less of a tradeshow and more of an opportunity for many vendors to hawk their wares. Which is fine, I'm up for an evening of cocktails and shopping. But a couple of acquaintances were awfully proud of their purchases, and I'm cursed with a vivid imagination. Shudder.
There were lotions, potions, costumes, jewelry, supplements (including some super sketchy 'all natural party drug' that you 'sold to your friends who sold to THEIR friends'), piercing, hot tubbing, pole dancing classes, and every kind of sex toy you could possibly imagine.
And some you probably didn't want to. I'm looking at YOU, "J-Ho blow up doll".
A few stray thoughts:
"Oh, look, people in cages."
"Glass dildos? Really? I mean, it looks pretty sturdy, but still...I have had enough stitches down there thankyouverymuch."
"Oooh! Free glitter!"
"Is shopping at the "Five Dollar" rack a good idea?"
To be honest we were hoping for a bit more "entertainment". There was supposed to be a drag show, but I guess we missed it, as well as the belly dancing. There were seminars (including "Why Pyrex glass?" which might have been helpful), but...seminars? After 3 drinks? There was a stage show featuring a local vendor, which was okay and had some lovely physical specimens, but that was about it. There was body painting, but nothing groundbreaking, and the models just stood there.
FoN said, "I thought there'd be more wandering entertainment." I thought so, too, but would you really want to amble half-naked through a packed floor of semi-rednecks that had been drinking all night?
(The answer to that is a resounding, "How much liquor have I been plied with?").
So, it was a couple of hours of good entertainment before we headed off to the loud bar and cover band*. Here's the girls with their evenings purchase (ten bucks! with batteries! fits in your purse for emergencies! and waterproof. SOLID BUY, people):
Yes, I bought one too. And, much like the post about my uterus, this is probably the one and only time I'll mention THAT.
(Probably should have sprung for the latex Batgirl costume though).
*It was a GOOD cover band, so it was still fun.
Reader Comments (30)
"Is shopping at the "Five Dollar" rack a good idea?"
I about peed myself at this one
All I was expecting and more! That sounds like a fun night out, although it does sound a little bit like going the the RV and boat show. Good thing there was an awesome band!
I've been told horror stories about the "Everything about sex" show in Toronto that happens every October.
One of these I'll get there. Just to say I did.
the shows we have here in denver are really wild..i am hoping there really were not bellydancers there, being one myslef it really sends the wrong message about what we do.
Hot tubbing? At a convention?
HAHAHA! Great post! $5 rack = BAD idea! lol
Sometimes, the five-dollar rack is rife with treasure.
I'm getting old. Are those ben wa balls? Or something new that I (believe it or not) haven't heard of?
I'm not depraved, just jaded.
I thought clicking on this title would enlighten me on your time on a farm and harrassment of a rooster. I need to broaden my horizons.
I have a client that does educational sex seminars. You would be surprised how quickly you move past all your inhibitions when you are surrounded by it all the time (I can also provide vibrator recommendations from a medical professional),
That show was here last weekend. Wait, did you say latex Batgirl outfit?
haha, thanks for the shout out baby. Yes, I do cover the topic quite thoroughly, don't I? And now I will be writing about it for a living - scary!
I wish I could have gone with you, that sounds SO fun.
I totally don't want to know what kind of sex toys my friends are buying. Maybe really, really close friends, but not your average acquaintance. Definitely TMI.
Ha ha! Step AWAY from the free glitter!!!
I've seen those glass dildo thingies. They seem more like art objects, or something you would put out on the coffee table, than something you'd keep in your nightstand.
I'm SUPER jealous. I just know me and my friend Sheila would've had the very best time there.
5 dollar bargains...woo wee. That could possibly be as scarey as buying condoms at the dollar store, cuz there would be no way that I would trust not getting a std or pregnant from condoms sold at the dollar store!
The only time I've come close to attending anything like this was in Vegas. I was there when the adult video industry was having a trade show (yes, they do). As my buddies and I stood on line, we looked around to see gaggles of other pathetic looking dudes willing to wait the hour plus just to get inside.
We politely stepped out of line with our dignity in check.
Ok, WOW. I just followed your link to the video, and the stripper with the snake totally creeped me out. Almost as much as the very real-looking dildo with balls and all. Yikes.
I'd be afraid of buying anything from the $5 bin, for fear it would break and I'd end up in the ER, and wouldn't that be fun...
That does it...I'm going to have to add Canada to the list of possible 'move to' places when we are finally able to leave Small Town PA...I need to broaden my horizons. ;)
So I saw that you had received the Uber Amazing prize too - so I thought I'd stop on by for a quick look-see to find out how Uberer you were. . .
Impressive.
Most impressive.
Your blog is Amazing, but you're not Uberer yet.
Okay - I couldn't think of anything else once the SW quote started, you're uberer.
This is my favorite blog post title, like, EVER.
Just thought I'd let you know.
PS- I could use me a sex trade show about now.
That's a big fat no on the glass dildo. What the hell were they thinking? Might as well make a sandpaper/razor blade version too.
Glad you had fun and got your sex toy shoppin on!
You totally should have let my buy that five dollar dildo.
And, you should have totally bought that batgirl outfit. It had Paul written all over it.
So the economy has gotten so bad we've resorted to buying sex toys on clearance for five bucks and hoarding free glitter? WOW. I guess I should start stockpiling just in case things get worse.;)