At least my vacation was fruity-smelling: Random Tuesday Thoughts
Tuesday, April 21, 2009 at 2:58AM 
It's Tuesday, ya'll! You know what that means - pick up the fugly purple button, write a post with no transitional paragraphs whatsoever, and then leave a link so we can all get a peek at snippets of your life. Ready? Go!
I must not be blogging about zombies enough, because I've had a couple of nightmares about them again lately. I had one the other night about living in a post-Zombie Apocalypse world, trapped inside a beautifully airy, modern architecture house but having to dash out for supplies and avoid the undead. I woke up in the grey early dawn light, heart racing, one hand hovering over Paul sleeping soundly beside me. Part of me wanted to wake him up to comfort me (because apparently I'm six years old) but most of me was afraid to do so in case he rolled over and TRIED TO EAT MY FACE.
A conversation I'm still snickering about, on the way home from the grandparents this evening:
"He's pretty tired. Does he need a bath, or do you think we can just get away without it?"
"He should be fine. It's not like he was playing in mud."
"Huh? Did you say 'it's not like he was playing in blood'??"
"No, MUD. Not blood. He's a little young to be starting a Fight Club."
(pause)
"Although if he did, he couldn't tell us about it."
I'm sure you all have heard the phrase, "Part of this nutritious breakfast", right? When I was a kid I tried to use that to convince my Mom to buy me something like Count Chocula (we were pretty much only allowed our choice of Cheerios or Shreddies. Sometimes, if she was feeling frisky, Honey Nut Cheerios).
She then made a point of explaining to me that "part of this nutritious breakfast" does not equate "the nutritious part of this breakfast". It's all in the italics. You could serve up a bowl of broken glass and rusty bolts beside that toast and OJ and it would still be part of the nutritious breakfast, but it's not going to offer you much itself.
Well, maybe some roughage.
Anyway she taught me to listen for the omissions and the subtexts in advertising. So I thought of her this week when I saw an ad for Fruit Loops on TV, touting the Fruit Loops themselves as "the fruity-smelling part of this complete breakfast".
No kidding? I wasn't aware that my breakfast required part of it to be FRUITY SMELLING. I mean - I could put some Mr. Sketch smelly markers in there to meet THAT condition, but it wouldn't get me much else.
Well, maybe some roughage.
A haiku:
Vacation! Too short
Accomplished little, much like
haiku poetry
Dentists must be really good at charades, huh? I had a filling done this week and while I'm benumbed, have 4 different metal implements in my mouth and what is essentially a blue condom over my face he muses, "I don't know why you have a cavity there. You have good oral hygiene, there's no reason for you to get a cavity there."
I made a gesture with both hands in front of my stomach.
"No," he answers, "Pregnancy would have nothing to do with it."
I shrugged and pointed at the implement he was using, raising an eyebrow.
"Oh," he said, "What is that? It's a liquid filling, because the cavity is at the bottom of the tooth and we want to make sure we get a good seal."
Amazing, huh? I mean, what I was actually saying was "You fat bastard" and "Get away from me with that fucking thing before I shove it up your ass", but he was REALLY CLOSE.
So you know what to do - get randomizing! And make sure to visit Kelly at Baby Boogers to leave your link with her, too! Happy Tuesday!
Reader Comments (79)
i think we need more blog posts about zombies. especially if that keeps them out of your dreams
The dentist! Good Golly Girl - Warn me, that was freakin' funny. Almost told my kiddo about that it was so good.
I love Mr Sketchy Markers. Good thing they didn't know to check 8 year olds for huffing back then. Or sniffing or whatever it's called. Cause those babies were good...
And thank you Harriet for linking first :) You saved me.
You need to pop right on over to ThinkGeek.com - they have a Zombie Survival Guide.
Should that fail and your face get eaten, they also have The Zen of Zombie, which is guaranteed to help you make the most of your new lifestyle.
No, I don't get paid for these little public service announcements. I'm just a nice person that way.
LMAO at the mud or blood conversation!
I LOVE ZOMBIES!!!!
I love the vacation poem. So true...so true.
Happy Random Tuesday!
oh ah liquid fillings, now this is what I needed tolearn about. I took a 16yr break from seeing dentists, I wonder if I'll get this done? hmm?
UnMom, you have totally ruined my day with those dental explanations. Man.
We weren't allowed to have sugary cereals, either. Now I've turned into that same mean parent!
I hate that contraption the dentist uses when he's filling a cavity. It's called a "dental dam", right? Stupid damn dam. My dentist talks to me when I can't talk back too.
I'm glad X doesn't have his own fight club, toddlers are brutal. So are zombies so keep him away from them.
Have a fruitilicious Tuesday!
i'm thinking about coloring in my cheerios with mr. sketch's markers - it'll pretty much be the same as fruit loops, right? ha!
Zombie blogging never gets old.
Roughage is always good but I prefer to get my from the celery stalk in my Bloody Mary.
We had our own yucky dentist experience yesterday. Sucks! Love the blood/mud conversation.
I just gave my son a pop-tart. That's nutritious, right?
dentist and zombies not good together.
LOL, isn't it like that with every dentist.
I was looking for Super heroes on-line and who thought to make Captain America into a Zombie? It was disgusting!! My hubby said it was a spin-off. I like the original personally.
Are you sure you weren't thinking about waking up your hubby to eat his face off? ;)
Too funny the mud vs. blood convo...
So I'm guessing feeding the Princess Nagger Froot Loop Cereal Straws really isn't all that nutritious... ;)
I feel a little neglected by my dentist - she didn't use the blue condom over my face when replacing an old filling recently... Love the interpretation of the charades! ;)
Keely, am I the only one getting a clue here or am I completely overstepping my own imagination and seeing everyone as pregnant? What did the saying "pregnancy has nothing to do with it" mean? Am I going to have to stalk your comments all day, lady?
(And The Fruity Pebbles slogan I remember from when I was a kid. And it sat near and orange. So, I guess it smelled better than the orange, huh?)
What kind of mom are you? Not letting the toddler have his own Fight Club? Seriously.
Fruit Loops: the colon-cleansing part of this nutritious breakfast. ;)
If Paul was sleeping, it was probably safe to wake him. Assuming he was still breathing. If he wasn't breathing, you should have chopped off his head to be sure.
Ah man! I always thought Lucky Charms was good for me. Crap!
I give my kids a gogurt, a cereal bar and if they eat the cereal bar then they get those 100 pack cookies as a snack. I'm bad!
I love zombie stories!
Sometimes, I think dentist lie.
Happy RTT!
dood, srsly! you have to stop being funnier than me. my RTT's are starting to suffer from abbreviated thought syndrome and then i get all self consious when i come read yours.
ps. i think you should put your dentist and the zombies in a steel cage match. i think the dentist would win. they're ruthless!
I hate going to the dentist. Don't try to talk to me when I am trying to stay in my "happy place" because you are scraping and drilling!
I must be a terrible mom - I let my kids eat Fruit Loops for breakfast or cupcakes or candy - - basically whatever they want! I suck, I know!