I've been a little distracted lately, not really blogging angst but I'm having a hard time coming up with things to post. Mostly because I'm thinking about just this ONE thing.
I've had some issues with the, uh, plumbing for a few months. Things are not, shall we say, regular.
Oh, fuck it. I haven't had a period since January. There.
(Apologies to my two male readers. Hi Captain! Hi Cameron! You're allowed to go watch the game now, have a beer and ignore the rest of this post. Although, you're both parents so you must have SOME idea of how this works).
I've also had some weird hot flashes and various other goings-on, so at my physical this week I mentioned all this to my doctor. And she decided to test me for a) premature menopause and b) polycystic ovarian syndrome.
Yeah. Sounds fun, right? Both of those present problems, should I ever want to provide my son with a sibling.
I said, "Um," and my doctor said (in an annoyingly cheerful, I'm-done-having-all-my-children kind of way) "Good thing you guys are done, right? Aren't you done?"
And in that instant, months of waffling and humming and gawd-do-I-never-want-to-be-pregnant-again turned into OMG I TOTALLY WANT ANOTHER BABY YOU CAN'T TELL ME I CAN'T XANDER NEEDS A LITTLE BROTHER WAAAAAHHHH!!
I managed to not say that though. I said, weakly, "Um, we weren't sure." But I sure as hell am now.
I cried in the car and then went home and hugged the son I'm lucky enough to have already fiercely, and then I presented my case to Paul. He's been spending the same months voicing vague arguments such as, "Can we afford another one?", and "Ah...hm. I don't know. We just started getting some sleep."
I cried on his shoulder about my potential barrenness, and sudden and overwhelming urge to have another baby and he said, "Sure, let's have another one."
"Really? But you never seem like you think it's a good idea."
"I've been talking myself into it for a few months," he replied. "You're just never there for the conversations."
Hm. Well, then. Whatever the testing verdict comes back as, I guess we're giving this a shot. So to speak.