Most people just end up with ab blasters and possibly a Snuggie

The other day hubby came home and announced that a guy he works with just bought a monkey over the internet. Why? Because they were 75% off. And he obviously has some impulse control issues.

He's suffering buyers remorse but all the other employees are eagerly anticipating the arrival of this primate. Which, obviously, is because THEY don't have to live with it.

Personally I can't help but be concerned for the poor monkey. I mean, I don't know if I've mentioned this once or twice or eight bazillion times, BUT IT IS FUCKING COLD HERE. Like, arctic wasteland make-your-testicles-crawl-up-into-your-body-until-you-have-four-tonsils kind of cold. No monkey is going to survive, never mind a DISCOUNT monkey.

(Because I'm SURE the heavy markdown was because of the tanking economy or they had an overstock of creatures with opposable thumbs or something. Not because there's something WRONG with it. Why would you think that?).

(Also, it's boring here. I hear monkeys like to be entertained, but there's nothing to do here, unless you could ordering bizarre fauna over teh intertubes after a few martinis. But those people just make their own fun).

I've tried to find this website he bought it from, too (and NOT because I was going to see if one of you wanted to go halvsies on an orangutan. Don't be silly), and I've come to the conclusion that it only appears at 4am when you're drunk off your nut, because I cannot find it. I even tried googling "exotic animals you might possibly purchase while drunk off your nut". I've no idea why that didn't work.

Meanwhile Paul's staff is organizing a welcome committee for this poor thing and practising their "Awim-a-weh"s.

It really IS boring here.