This post is mostly about poop.

Yesterday, I thought I was going to die from what appeared to be a horrible stomach flu. Possibly dysentery. But I did some Dr. Google sleuthing and noticed that I seemed to be the only family member afflicted, and with some mental calculations came to the only logical conclusion: that it wasn't stomach flu. In fact, apparently this is me, ovulating.

If my calculations are correct, my child is never going to have a sibling. Because nothing says "Please, knock me up!" like cramping and runny stool.

While I was actively dying, hubby popped his head in and said in a worried tone, "I think the dog ate an avocado pit."

Fucking dog. Pretty much the only thing she WON'T eat is mushrooms*, but an avocado pit? Really?

He didn't actually see her eat the avocado pit, but it was nowhere to be found. We pulled out the stove and everything. A slightly panicky phone call to the veterinarian assured us that yes, indeed, it would require very expensive surgery. Need you even ask?

However, here we are over 24 hours and two dog-meals later and the canine seems fine. The vet also told us that she'd be throwing up or lethargic if the avocado pit was stuck in her intestine. (She's pretty much an ottoman that sheds, so I have to assume that "lethargic" means "won't get up at the sound of crinkly plastic".) No sign of either. Which begs the question - where the hell DID the avocado pit go?

So how's your week going?

*I know, right? Makes you wonder about mushrooms.