What to get your nerdy practical girl for the holidays

(a.k.a. What Keely Wants for Christmas)

I find that I don't actually want many tangible things for Christmas this year. Unless it's "a really good OB who can troubleshoot my uterus" or "a volunteer vet who wants to fix my dog for free" or "a contractor performing random acts of kindness who wants to reno my bathroom". See? I'm horrifyingly practical now that I'm somebody's mother. I mean, your average fangirl is super easy to shop for: just get her a Buffy Season 8 trade paperback or a plush Harry Potter Monster Book of Monsters or a Star Trek original series replica Medical Tricorder. Or if you're in the money (and trust her not to turn it on you), Saruman's staff of power.

All of those things would have thrilled me in years gone by, but now it's just more crap in my tiny house. Really cool, well-made crap that will be instantly destroyed by the thresher that is my kid.

But, do not despair, there are still things that women in my situation covet. To wit:

1. A Brown Coat. But not just ANY brown coat, a browncoat's brown coat. Totally useful, stylish, and if you're lucky it still smells like Captain Malcolm Reynolds.

2. A Keurig single-cup coffee maker. Countertop real estate in my kitchen is not plentiful. So I would set this baby up next to the computer and game all night, always telling myself I was "just having ONE cup".

Well, or, at least I could have a cup and dream about doing that. Sigh.

3. Star Wars Lightsaber Chopsticks. The people who run the sushi restaurant we frequent (and I mean frequent) already laugh at us for showing up so much. This would just be icing on the cake. Er, sushi.

4. The motivation to get back to working out.

Oh, that one's not tangible either, is it? My bad.

5. A Dawn Simulator Alarm Clock. Now that I have to get up in the cold pre-light hours again, I'm lusting after one of these. Although, unless they have a companion "coma simulator" for hubby, I'll probably just have to keep on lusting. Having the "sun" come up 2 hours after he's hit the pillow seems a little cruel and unnecessary.

6. A snowblower. Oh, shut up. I have two driveways this winter, since we're finally able to use our garage for, y'know, parking a car in. So I need something to make my life easier so I can...make my life easier.

I know, I don't ask for much, right?

Also I'd like world peace and a big mug of mulled wine. But I'd settle for household peace, and a big mug of mulled wine.

What do you guys covet?