Some people climb into tiger cages, I set myself up for situations like this
Wednesday, October 7, 2009 at 6:12AM I may have mentioned this, but probably not, because I don't need to tell you people ANYTHING, okay? October is a busy month and I actually just noticed in any meaningful way that it was sneaking up on me. Next week, I'm going on another little concert road trip. This time I'm going with the hubster.
That pretty much means we could only be going to see ONE band, and that is Metallica. Now, I like Metallica, but I wouldn't consider myself a true fan. Hubby, on the other hand, belongs to the fan club. That means he gets little perks like pre-sale tickets and a chance to meet the band.
I'm actually kind of afraid that will happen. There is nothing more terrifying for someone as socially inept as me than the thought of not only having to meet total strangers, famous strangers, but famous people of whom you aren't really a fan. Um, awkward? "Hi, I'm Keely, I couldn't tell you your name if you held a gun to my head, let alone your birthday or what instrument you play, which is probably okay since you know that stuff anyway right? Being that you're you and all? Also, I haven't listened to anything of yours with any kind of regularity since Ride the Lightning when I was 16 and really drunk, but I used to do THAT all the time. For real! ....so, do you ever think you might cut your hair?"
Actually, the only thing more terrifying to me is what is actually going to happen, and that is that my MIL is coming to stay with our son. In my house. Without me. She will be in my house, unsupervised, for over 24 hours.
Gah. I mean, which direction do I take this? Do I clean frantically and hide all the incriminating evidence?
Or do I just distract her from all the little deficiencies with something glaringly obviously, like a boxful of wiggly neon dildos?
Decisions, decisions.
Reader Comments (30)
Distraction is way easier on you. There is no fanatic cleaning involved.
I say go with the dildos. Put one in your your kitchen "junk" drawer where you know she will stumble upon it. Then rig a nanny cam so you can see the reaction when she finds it.
ACK!!! inlaw invasion, mine come to visit on the 16th. Just over clean the main things like bathroom, oven, and kitchen sink? and the child's room?
Definitely go with the dildos. Maybe she'll clean for you?
Clean the house and put a lock on the master bedroom door.
A padlock......she'll get the message.
I'm pretty sure the two year old will be enough of a distraction that your MIL won't go looking for your pr0n stash. Maybe.
Come on, man, it's Metallica. They rock. They were just here adn they met with an 85 year old cancer survivor grandma who loves to rock out to them. It was a cute story but then all the haters came out of the woodwork and called the grandma the devil in the comments for listening to Metallica.
She'll be so exhausted taking care of the 2 year old that she won't really notice the house. Much. Hardly at all. Just a little. Okay, a lot. Do yourself a favor. Hire help.
Screw it. Like you are going to change he opinion regardless of what you do.
Leave the house the way it is, that way she might clean up for you. And you can leave neon dildos any where you don't want her going.
Wow...you are brave. She will totally clean everything. May even rearrange your cupboards.
Not to scare you...just speaking from experience...
Yes! Clean and hide! For heaven sakes, woman, clean and hide for all you're worth!
And aren't some of those Metallica guys grandpas now? Kinda takes the edge off, right?
You might send her to my house. I have a little cage that's just the right size for MILs.
Apparently EVERY one on this page needs for me to be their mil!
In my experience there is no ammount of cleaning I can do to please my MIL.
Dildo Distraction - good band name, yes or no?
Great post! I say, be yourself - display the "toys". MIL certainly won't question them or make eye contact with you in the future.
oh please, please, please go with the dildos.
I'd go with baby proofing. Most grandma's don't know squat about baby proofed stuff. They are just as dumbfounded by cabinet locks than the kids are
Go with the dildo's. Much better blog fodder for later!
Definitely go with the dildo's.
And maybe you should shovel some empty liquor bottles in random places - just to make her wonder.
LOL!!!
Seriously, I just nearly choked on my drink here!
I want a picture of the dildos.
Don't be obvious, be delicate...
leave it under the pillow with a bow on it :)
Peace - Rene
Leave the wiggly-jiggly's at home... might give off the wrong impression if you brought them backstage.
This coming from a Lawrence Welk groupie.
Yep, neon and nanny cam is the way to go. Then you have to post the video so we can all share the laugh. Oh come on!
my vote is for the box of wiggly neon dildos .. that, at least, is good blog fodder *grins*
Personally I would probably do the first option is my MIL was staying over. BUT I think you should do the second option because it would make for a really good post. :)