I've got this AND the crack habit under control, thank you for asking
Thursday, October 22, 2009 at 7:22PM Todays post is brought to you by everybody's favorite beverage, COFFEE. Why? Because Blissfully Caffeinated just gave birth to the beautiful and perfect baby Half Caff, and it sounds like she had a bit of a time of it. So Jenni and Sprite's Keeper suggested we all post about coffee, to let Bliss Caff know we're thinking of her.
I have a love-hate relationship with coffee. I'm madly, passionately, in love with it. I love the enticing aroma, the fragrant beans, the whole OCD process of making the perfect cup. I love it black, with its sharp edge and impenetrable depths, and I love it sweetened (brown sugar or honey). Add cream and it's practically a fucking dessert.
At one point in my life, however, I loved it a little TOO much. It was college.
Don't the addictions always crop up during college?
I would get up in the morning, have a couple of cups of coffee, and get on the Skytrain to go to school. That took, like, an hour, so by the time I got there I really needed that triple mocchacino from the coffee cart. Then I had a really boring class or two, so I needed another triple after that.
But I never had any coffee after noon! Hey, you have to make rules sometimes.
About halfway through my second year of college my stomach went into revolt. It told me I had to cut out the caffeine or the booze, one of the two, or it wasn't going to let me eat any more of those chocolate-chocolate-chip cookies from the cafeteria, and oh yeah maybe make me throw up some blood.
Clearly, I had to decaffeinate. So I did it in what seemed the most reasonable manner - cold turkey.
I slept for 3 days straight.
I stayed decaffeinated for about a year, at which point my stomach and I came to a tentative understanding. I would only drink one cup of coffee a day, two MAX, and if I ever felt it get out of control I would quit.
I've danced back and forth over that line over the years, but for the most part I stick to that rule. I only have one cup of coffee a day. I mean, it is kind of a BIG cup. When I offer it to guests at my house - "would you like the big mug or the little one?" - their reaction often includes bulging eyes. So maybe it counts as two cups.
Well, and sometimes I have two of those. So, four cups.
Hm.
Excuse me, I'm going to go see if the detox centre has any openings. And maybe throw up some blood.
Reader Comments (25)
I have never liked coffee. I know, I know. I would ust rather have a Diet Coke. My husband on the other hand... He has to do half caff and he still has to be careful.
I love coffee. I had allergy testing completed about a month ago and found out that I'm allergic to it. I was devastated! (But I'm still drinking it. Just cut back a little.)
I am soooo going to kill mom for not telling me that I had a twin separated from me at birth. Remember that time when you were tired and needed coffee? So did I!
Excuse me while I go cough up some blood.
I am so there, except for that coughing up blood.
A triple moccachino is soooo worth a little blood.
I've never liked my coffee bloody, but I do like it strong.
You obviously have not been performing the sacrifices to the Coffee Gods in the right order. Its chicken, then goat... silly.
I too have to limit my intake or I try to take over the world. Or at least my small part of it.
I looooove coffee but never seem to have any kind of reaction to the caffeine (other than having HORRIBLE headaches when I stop... so there's is that.) I kinda wish I got a jolt from it... that would certainly be nice since I am so not a morning person.
coffee is made of sunshine.
for realz.
i never drank it until i was thirty though. perhaps with age came wisdom?
or the need for more stimulation?
whatever.
i've even become one of those losers we all mock at the starbucks:
triple shot venti non-fat no whip white chocolate mocha, please.
i make myself sick.
but that won't stop me, don't worry.
andrea
I'm guess you started on the booze at noon?
I loves me a big ole' vat-sized cup of coffee. YUM.
You're linked up.
I too suffer from the same addiction (okay, not really suffering). I saw a button on FaceBook that said "my blood type is coffee". It seems fitting. Maybe we should start a coffee addicts anonymous group?
I had the same thing happen to me when I was in college. At one point I was up to like ten cups a day...man did detox suck. I am happy to say now, though, that most days, one cup of coffee in the morning is just perfect. :)
I had to cut back to when my stomach revolted, but only a little. Pansy ass stomach.
You can actually have your booze and your coffee at the same time. Espresso martini, it's how I know God loves me.
Thanks for the hilarious post! And I'm sorry your stomach is such a wuss.
xo
I'm a coffee addict as well. I'll drink it at home but I'll still usually stop by Starbucks at least once a day. Sometimes I can make it the whole day without stopping, but not usually. Glad to see I'm not the only one :)
I'm too intimidated to order coffee at Starbucks, and I can't stand spending half my paycheck for something I can make for around a quarter. I used to be able to drink coffee all day and night but since I have to drink wine at night I too had to cut back on one of them. I can't handle more than a cup of coffee in the morning and rarely finish that. I love half-caff however, even if it is for wusses. I still get my caffeine fix from the 8 Diet Cokes I drink throughout the day. I know I have a problem.
I never really developed a taste for coffee and after reading your post, I am not really sorry about it. The stomach problems sound miserable.
Mmmmm, projectile blood. You are so hot.
I love me some coffee. Just one cup a day, but that cup means everything to me. Everything, man!
Mmmmmmm coffee...I'm sorry what else were you saying? I have to admit, I couldn't handle four cups a day. I truly limit myself to one.
My exbffs mother has to have cocacola 24/7. It always has to be there. Or she starts to bitch, and I mean BITCH.
I have tried many times and failed to decaffeinate. I quit smoking cigarettetes cold turkey. No problem. I can't kick the coffee. At least a couple cups in the morning and one in the early afternoon to see me through the rest of the day.
Some days I go from coffee straight to wine.
So healthy.
Coffee and I also broke up, he still calls but I don't answer. I can't I'll end up in lots of pain.
So did you give up Coffee this week? just saying... Tuesday is garbage day in my hood, oh and uh Random but maybe I'm up earlier today? Tea now that's my drink. :P
Holy shit dude, you puked BLOOD? That freaks me the f out. Glad to hear your stomach and intestines are blood free these days. Well, blood spewing free. You know what I mean.
I thought I had issues!