Spay and neuter your pets, kids, lest they spawn one like this
Monday, January 19, 2009 at 7:27AM Since you were all so highly amused by the tale of my dog's antics last week, I thought I'd share with you the story of the day she came to us.
I got her from the Humane Society, because I personally think thought that paying top dollar for a dog when there are so many in need is ridiculous.
(Now, however, I think I see the wisdom in some kind of predictability of temperament).
Two months after we moved into our house, I announced to hubby that I was going to go get a dog that weekend. It wasn't a surprise to him, as I'd been talking about getting a dog for months, but he was working those days and wouldn't be able to join me.
Animal shelters are horrible places for softheaded hearted people like me. I went on Saturday, froze in horror as 25 pairs of doggie eyes stared at me mournfully, and bolted.
I went back on Sunday. I'd love to say that I saw my dog and knew she was the one, but in fact I had no idea what kind of dog I was looking for and took the recommendation of the kennel technician. I 'met' two dogs; the other was older and had some issues with people touching his back. Our dog was young, seemed gentle enough, and didn't jump up. Much. I signed the contract, they put a leash on her and handed me the other end.
Whereupon she instantly morphed into a lunging, drooling, manic devil dog. She dragged me towards any and every other animal, she jumped up and clawed at me, she pulled so hard on the collar that she was gagging. I stuffed her into my truck and she almost ran us off the road twice on the drive home. She panted, she drooled, she barked at everything.
I got her home, tied her to the kitchen table and immediately texted hubby to inform him that the dog was INSANE and I'd completely ruined our lives.
The dog paced at the end of her leash and barked at every minor sound outside, jumped up on me and chewed on my ankles, while hubby tried to console me (which is difficult, via text) and I tried to hold it together until he got home.
I finally got the bright idea to put her in the backyard, where she began a joyous cacophony with the neighbour dog. Good. She could stay there. I went inside and started doing some dishes to calm myself down.
(I find it therapeutic. Shut up).
Hubby came home shortly after that and went straight to the backyard to meet this rabid canine I'd been telling him about. A little miffed that he hadn't rushed straight to ME, I followed him back there. The dog ran excited circles around him and tried to bite his ass, but was not nearly the hellspawn I'd made her out to be. We chatted with the neighbours about how "she'd settle down" and "she looked like an intelligent one", hubby gave me a hug and I started to feel a little better about our new acquisition.
She was so rambunctious that I had already designated her an "outside dog". So we left her in the backyard and went inside to make dinner, but halfway to the door I stopped short.
"Um - why is there water pouring out of the side of our house?"
We rushed inside and realized I had left the tap running while doing the dishes. While we had been outside. For half an hour.
It had filled the sink and poured over onto the floor, flooding the kitchen and, as we could now see, the house sloped a little so it was leaking out the side of the building.
"It's not that bad - " hubby began to say, but I had heard water running downstairs and gone to check. The water had not only leaked out the side of the building, it had poured into the heating duct in that corner of the kitchen and returned BACK into the house, and was pouring out EVERY SINGLE HEATING VENT ALL OVER THE BASEMENT.
And that was when my head popped off, rolled down the rest of the stairs and came to rest in a puddle.
My headless corpse collapsed on the stairway, my disembodied voice wailing, "WE JUST BOUGHT THIS HOUSE AND I BROKE IT!!"
Hubby rallied the troops, ran to the neighbours for a shop vac, reattached my head and we started cleaning. At midnight, when we finished, we went out for a sub. And some dog food and dishes because, clearly? I did NOT think this whole process through.
The dog barked at everything all night long.
I took her for a walk the next day and she tried to eat someone's poodle.
The end.
Reader Comments (19)
So our dinner conversation the other night doesn't sound quite so bad after all?
LMAO! Although not funny then, it is nice to see you can look back on it and share the hilarity of the insanity you endured. She is so cute! After hearing this story and reading about your pants, I understand that only her cute face that is keeping her alive .
I too have a dog like that. Perhaps one day I shall share my stories
My dog (inherited from my brother-in-law when he moved) doesn't seem so bad now. Although at dinner last night he did shit on the couch at my mother-in-law's house. Right next to my 81-year old grandmother-in-law. While she was eating dinner.
Yum.
Oh m'gosh! You so have to be kidding!
We had a used dog once--he lived 10. long. years. after we purchased him. We knew the day that we brought him home we were in trouble (leg lifter and barker of great annoyance).
Sorry about your flood--it makes for a great story, though, if that's any consolation!
p.s. I was up no less than five times last night to let my aging dog out to go potty (poor thing) My husband is ready to shoot the damn dog--why do we love them so?
Seriously, a crack up!
Awww. Look at that face!
I love how your husband got the shop vac first and THEN reattached your head!
Priorities! LOL!
We got our dogs at the animal shelter too, one had all kinds of loud noise neurosis and the other such a bad case of hook worms he sprayed diarrhea for two months. I was also six months pregnant at the time. Glad you were able to reattach your head and share that story. It's taught me a lot, mainly keep away from dirty dishes.
I got a purebred Boston Terrier from the shelter once. It had belonged to an elderly lady who couldn't take care of him anymore. I (foolishly) thought this would make him a great dog.
He loved the car ride home, but when we got there, he wouldn't get out. He growled and acted like he would rip my face off.
When I finally got him out, he bit the weatherstripping off the car door and ripped it off, then proceeded to the bumper where he latched on to it and with all his might, tried to rip it off too. But no luck with that. All I could do is stare at him in awe.
I wasn't sure what to do with him, but once inside the house, he was fine. Had him for many years.
We just didn't take him on many car rides.
If, instead of a comman, you put a slash (/) in between pets and kids, the title of your post takes on a whole new meaning.
I'm laughing. So, you kept her I take it? I've promised the kids a dog in the spring. Yes, I'm insane.
I'm going to a breeder however. I'll let you know how that goes.
Sigh.
Oh, can you write a post about how one reattaches ones head? I think I need to know this. Thanks.
We have fish. They die and you flush them.
Fish sound like such a good option for next time. We have two formerly shelter dogs and one of them has ruined our lives. She's been away for a week long "boot camp" twice and we've had two other trainers for her. She was 11 months old and we were her 4th owners, I should have seen it coming. It sounds like our sons AND our dogs are similar. Ever try to pry a squealing squirrel out of a dog's mouth while holding and infant because your husband is obviously too freaked out to MOVE? I have, and it's not pleasant. Maybe we could switch and see if they do better in different countries? Just a though. Chloe speaks English, not Canadian. Wait, do YOU speak English? I'm confused. No dishes for me, thank you very much.
I just reread that and am embarrassed by both my grammar spelling. Oh well. You don't read English anyway.
No dog food or dishes? That was hilarious! I love your dog stories.
Sorry, as soon as I saw the picture, that dog's sins were completely forgiven.
By the way, I randomized for tomorrow! So much fun!
She's beautiful. I um don't know what else to say! Except holy shit what a story!
wow. WOW!! That is one awful day.
But such a cute doggie.
Well now we know who real Corpse Bride is!
Great and funny story. I love dogs...hate the messes and the barking, but I do love me a dog or two or three!
I know it was painful but I can not stop laughing!!!!!
LMAO.
Uhm. Yah. She tried to eat someone's poodle???
She sounds like my dog. Except I was more idiotic. She wasn't from a pet store. She wasn't from the pound. She was a stray. Yah. $$$$ of dollars later for vet bills and lots of patience for furniture destroyed, carpets peed on and lots more - I love her ... in a tolerant kind of way. Sigh. And yah, she tried to eat a German Shepherd the first week we had her.