A pic, a story, and an update
Sunday, January 11, 2009 at 8:30PM Quick HASAY update: All things going according to The Plan. Added a cheat day to The Plan after I ate 7 cookies on Friday. Worked out twice, walked once, played squash once. Haven't weighed in yet (tomorrow) but I feel good.
There, that was efficient.
Debbie over at Buzzin' By tagged me for the '6 pictures' meme that is currently infecting the blogoverse. You're supposed to pick the sixth picture out of the sixth folder in your documents file, but my documents are like the rest of my life not that organized, so I just picked the sixth picture out of the main file.
Like the cute little doggie eyes poking out of the bottom left corner? Yeah, she's lucky she still has them.
Those were brand new, rather expensive maternity jeans that I was wearing one day when I was about 7 months pregnant and going home for lunch. It had been raining for about 3 days, so the dog hadn't been out for a walk, and was feeling rather...pent-up.
My mom met me at my house for lunch and held the door open a fraction of a second too long. The dog realized, "Frreeeeedooommm!" and bolted. Fuck. I jogged (7 months pregnant, remember) after her in my flip-flops, and Mom chased after us in the car. The dog led me on a merry chase throughout the nearby condo complexes, always getting close enough to grab, but too quick for a heifer pregnant woman.
Finally she got tired of that area and headed to the nearby park. There's a lake in it. It's not a deep lake, but it's wide enough, and there are ducks.
Ducks! thought my psychotic energetic dog. So she went in after them, barking madly. Well, ducks are smart enough to stay out of her way, but too stupid to move very FAR, so she just kept swimming after them. Eventually she got too tired to bark, and just kept swimming, back and forth. Panting after my little impromptu exercise, I bellowed at her from the shore, totally panicked that she would tire out in the middle of the lake and drown, because she is JUST THAT FUCKING STUPID.
She did that for 45 minutes, getting close enough to the shore that she could touch ground, and then she was off again. Some helpful people stopped to watch the show. I stopped yelling and started muttering under my breath.
Eventually she got close enough to shore that I could grab her collar, but only if I waded in. Which I did, because it was worth it to me to rip that fucking animal in half get her back. I squelched back to the house with the dog in tow, pissed off and smelling strongly of lake algae. She'd taken up my entire lunch break so I quickly changed, scarfed a sandwich and went back to tell my tale.
Except, I forgot that I'd stuffed treats into my jeans pocket to try to entice her back. The jeans were sitting in the laundry basket, the treats forgotten by ME but certainly the dog was aware of them. Lacking opposable thumbs, she got them out the best way she knew how.
I discovered the destruction 2 days later, which is lucky for her, because I'd almost gotten over the ducks episode. If I'd found them the same day, I'd have replaced them with a nice black fur HAT.
Reader Comments (16)
ROFL!
That pic is priceless. Seriously, I needed that laugh this weekend, thank you. (Oh and I'm sorry about your jeans.)
Good luck on tomorrow's weigh in. I'm dreading my measurements...
Bwah ha ha haaa!
Are ya kiddin' me? Pick me up off of the floor--I'm laughing so hard I think I just peed a little--you are too funny!
Pets.
My cats are also lucky I am a big softy or they would have already dead several times over.
Laugh the picture and the story.
Well the pic is enough to crack me up in and of itself, but the story behind it is priceless!!! Oh yeah, I would have gone all sorts of Cruella Deville on that one!
Oh no. I shouldn't be laughing this much. *wipes tear from eye*
I'm sorry ... but, well, you know ... it's still funny.
That little doggie is a cutie!
Sorry about your jeans, but I have three mutts and you know sometimes a dog's gotta do what a dog's gotta do!
It's not fun for us, but I guess it makes sense to them in their doggy world!
Funny!
When I first got my stupid dog he used to run away from me every chance he got, he thought it was a game. The more I chased the more he dodged, nothing made me angrier, other than maybe if he'd destroyed my good maternity jeans. Fur hat sounds about right.
That was a great story! Now I really am never going to get a dog!
LOL!!! I think our dogs must be related!!!
I'm thinking I would have had a nice black hat after finding those jeans! I am so glad my dog is past the bolting stage!
I just spewed milk from my nose.
Sorry about the jeans, but man, that lil doggie is CUTE!
Oh that damn dog. Hilarious when you think about it NOW but I can imagine your pissedoffedness at the time.
Oh. My. God. Dogs can be such a complete pain in the ass.
I got my dog, Sam, when I was a sophomore in college. A cute black lab about 8 months old. I was a clueless first time dog owner so I didn't really know what I was doing. I had to go to class for about an hour and I didn't have a crate for him so I put him in the bathroom with his food, water and some newspaper. When I came back and opened up the door, I discovered that he had tried to dig himself out of the room and left a huge hole in the wall right behind the toilet. Yeah some dog toys would've been great!
Anyway, it was a rental unit to boot so I learned very quickly how to do to an awesome patch job!
Oh my gosh I'd have freaking KILLED her! Maternity pants are spendy!!! And finding ANYTHING you feel comfortable in when you're pregnant is near impossible. Did you spend the rest of the day in Braxton Hicks contractions? I know I would have.