As promised yesterday, here are 7 cringe-worthy vignettes from my blunder years...
1) Once, my mother came down to my basement cave VERY early on a Saturday morning (well, okay, like 10am. Considering she gets up at 6, the anticipation must have been killing her) and told me very seriously that she "needed to talk about something when I got up". Right - like I could sleep after THAT. So I dragged my carcass upstairs, with not a clue what I could be in trouble for, and she sat me down and told me she'd read a letter of mine in which I detailed an acid trip I'd taken. And, in all sincerity, she told me she would feel so much better if I "promised to never smoke acid again.". And I managed to keep a straight face as I promised, deadpan, that I would never, ever, smoke LSD again.
You can go google that, Mom. I'll wait.
But actually, I never DID do it again. My drug use was pretty minimal after that. Pot still smells good, but it just enhances my natural sleepiness. Which makes me one VERY sleepy kitty.
2) I had a Grade 11 Algebra class that I would show up for, put my head down on the desk, and nap for 45 minutes. Every day. And I still got a pretty good grade. My formula? I dressed like I was going to cause trouble, but I didn't. Set those expectations low.
Oh, and don't be as dumb as a bag of hammers. That helps.
3) In my senior year I dyed my formerly blonde hair jet black. After I did it, I heard a couple of people in the hallways hissing, "There goes the girl who dyed her hair black". Which just goes to show you that MY high school existence was no sadder than anyone else's.
4) I once made out with a guy I didn't know very well in the backseat of someone else's car at the drive in. Except, hello? Teenage self? It was a hatchback. Which meant that everyone parked behind us could see his hand up my shirt. So everybody else in the free world found out pretty quickly as well, including the guy that I had been kind of seeing but who hadn't called me in 3 weeks, who apparently still felt we were going out. He felt strongly enough about it that he made a point to come by my house and tell me what a skank I was, and that he didn't want to see me anymore.
And people wonder why teenagers are fucked up.
5) I wrote a lot of stories and poems for english classes that were about suicide and abuse, despite the fact I had never been abused, nor did I feel suicidal. If a teen submitted those stories these days, I think it would be a guaranteed date with the guidance counselor.
6) Once I was riding my bike back to school from lunch, and for some ridiculous reason was steering only with one hand in the middle of the handlebars. I took the turn too wide and brushed up against a wrought-iron fence. While wearing sandals. My baby toe caught on the fence and brought the entire bike to an abrupt halt, as well as ripping and breaking the toe sideways (it's the only bone I've ever broken).
7) I broke that toe right before graduation, so I had to wear sandals to the prom. It didn't really go with the whole 'Elvira' look I had going on.
...and the rest has all be healthily repressed. I guess I should go tell those other people I tagged them, huh?