And now you know my kryptonite

Because Hallowe'en is coming up, and it's my absolutely favoritest (that IS SO a word) holiday-that-you-don't-actually-get-off-work of the year, I thought I should tell you people again what afears me the most.

No, it's not spiders, even though they have WAY too many legs going in way too many directions at once, they're a crime against nature, and one kamikaze-leapt off the shower curtain this morning onto my naked self, and made me scream like a little girl and flail until it had washed down the drain, and I slipped and narrowly missed chipping a tooth. I have been wary of spiders ever since one bit me in my teenage basement cave and ended our peaceable co-existence, but they don't scare me, exactly.

It's zombies. I have halfway convinced myself that I will actually see a Zombie Apocalypse in my lifetime, I literally have nightmares about it. And zombie MOVIES? I've seen every last terrifying one, totally against my better judgement.

(Once, when I was a teenager and working at one of those all-you-can-eat salad bar joints that attract the cheap, the obese, and the unfortunate, I glanced up from my till at 5 o'clock to see about 20 people lurching slowly toward the building from the parking lot, and it looked exactly like the view from the Night of the Living Dead house. I had to restrain myself from leaping up to nail boards across the door, which would have been pretty silly since the door opened outward, and the zombies customers would have been all, Oh hey, there's some boards here, and then stepped under them. And then I looked over and well, duh, we were featuring brains on our salad bar that day, no WONDER we were plagued with zombies. Or it may have been that weird salad with little colored marshmallows in it. Either way.)

So now you know my greatest fear. I bet Batman has a zombie in his batcave now, in case one day I go mad with power, and try to destroy the world. Then he can just whip out his zombie and subdue me. (Well, that sounded a little wrong, but you get the idea.)(What do you mean he's just a character in a comic? LALALALA I'm not listening!!)

Also, things like this? NOT REASSURING:


I gotta go stock up on guns, 2x4s, and canned goods, not necessarily in that order.