Yesterday, I thought I was going to die from what appeared to be a horrible stomach flu. Possibly dysentery. But I did some Dr. Google sleuthing and noticed that I seemed to be the only family member afflicted, and with some mental calculations came to the only logical conclusion: that it wasn't stomach flu. In fact, apparently this is me, ovulating.
If my calculations are correct, my child is never going to have a sibling. Because nothing says "Please, knock me up!" like cramping and runny stool.
While I was actively dying, hubby popped his head in and said in a worried tone, "I think the dog ate an avocado pit."
Fucking dog. Pretty much the only thing she WON'T eat is mushrooms*, but an avocado pit? Really?
He didn't actually see her eat the avocado pit, but it was nowhere to be found. We pulled out the stove and everything. A slightly panicky phone call to the veterinarian assured us that yes, indeed, it would require very expensive surgery. Need you even ask?
However, here we are over 24 hours and two dog-meals later and the canine seems fine. The vet also told us that she'd be throwing up or lethargic if the avocado pit was stuck in her intestine. (She's pretty much an ottoman that sheds, so I have to assume that "lethargic" means "won't get up at the sound of crinkly plastic".) No sign of either. Which begs the question - where the hell DID the avocado pit go?
So how's your week going?
*I know, right? Makes you wonder about mushrooms.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
This post is mostly about poop.
Posted by Keely at 9:09 PM
Labels: defies description , please do share
35 comments :
I always get the horrids when its nearly my time of month!
Wow. I thought being all about poop it would be a little grosser.
Yikes I hope you are feeling better! I say you get a free pass to stay in bed today and watch Matlock re-runs.
Weird about the pit....my little dog eat my daughter earring her favorite one I think my teen things I'm going to dig through the shit in back yard looking for it....NOT! Feel better!
Yikes... I hope you start to feel better soon!
Well that sounds like you are having a shitty day. Pardon the pun. LOL! And I too wonder where is the "pit"? That one will surely drive you nuts for a while!!
Have a better day!
Hugs
SueAnn
Violent diarrhea and ovulation seems like a cruel hoax.
My dogs eat all kinds of crap, including crap. I don't think we could afford the pricey surgery if they couldn't digest pencil shards like champs. Maybe your dog just chews really well.
I thought you were going to tell us about the dog passing the avocado pit.
Maybe the dog buried it? Or the kid hid it? Anything is possible...
Mushrooms freak me out as it is. So, this only makes me want to avoid them even more.
dogs suck. what did my stupid Golden do yesterday? he went into the box of Box Tops for my kid's school, and ate all the tops, except for the plastic ones. his poop will be worth at least $2. no school party for my kid. so you are also a mom of an "only?" i like that. hard to come by these days. i feel like the orange fish in a sea of grey ones. my kid's solution for his "one and only" status? "Mama, i want a broder or a sister, but i want dem to be my age, cuz i don't like babies. so, can you buy a 4 or 5 year old kid?" take care. i hope you find that pit.
Dogs are disgusting. Do not even ask why I have two.
Hope you are feeling better really soon. Then maybe you can hit the backend (ewww...sorry no pun intended on that one) of that ovulation.
It used to be like that for me before kids. I still feel REALLY uncomfortable when I ovulate, but nothing like that.
As, for the avocado pit - I bet it's hanging out somewhere with my keys and my husband's socks. Where ever that is.
"An ottoman that sheds." I loved that.
Are you sure YOU didn't eat the avocado pit? :-)
Dogs and their eating habits will make you as crazy as your kids eating habits(or lack there of). Ours is also a vacuum and will eat anything that touches the ground. As a puppy, I gave him a bone to chew on and he swallowed it whole. We were worried but as that was nine years ago and the dog is still with us I think it passed just fine. Hope things work their way through for you too.
Yup, sounds like my time of the month. Blah, that sucks. Feel better soon!
Did you mistakenly eat it and therefore that's why you "thought" you had the stomach flu! Hmmmmm....
Sounds like you ate the avocado pit according to the vet. Problem solved. You're welcome.
I thought our dog swallowed a pacifier once. It was only AFTER an expensive trip to the vet for x-rays did I found it hidden in the toy box. Damn dog...
There is something wrong with me, cause I saw this headline in my reader and was all "Oh, I gotta check this out!"
Hope your dog is ok.
LOL! Sorry but that is too damn funny! I used to get "loose" at that time of the month - until I had an ablation done of my uterus - now I don't have periods PERIOD! ;)
Hope the pup stays AOK!
Because nothing says "Please, knock me up!" like cramping and runny stool.
LOL!
I started my RTT with poop, so it works for me. Hope you feel better soon.
An ottoman that sheds cracked me up. I hope the ottoman is ok.
That is some rough ovulation! Goodness sakes. I hope you're feeling better.
The dog eating the avocado pit. . .that's just impressive.
Holy Crap! I always learn something new from you Keely. And this time totally pertinent. I thought it was all of beans I have eaten lately!
totally and nothing says "i'm ovulating come get me" like PAIN! I'm sorry, I hope you get to the "oh look at me" part soon
Sounds like the dog gets more attention around there! Maybe the avocado pit is germinating inside the dogs tummy just like your ovaries are trying to spit out an egg in your extremities!
You have all the fun.
Wait until you hit perimenapause! I've been ovulating for two weeks. Nonstop. Nice.
My week's poopalicious, hotpants!
I feel your pain - EVERY month. Not really sure why people can kill unborn children, but I can't voluntarily have my uterus removed.
My dog will do mushrooms, but black olives are out. She stole a pizza off the stove (because I'm gross and left it out). I got home from work to pizza stains on my bed and a pile of black olives next to the fridge.
Perhaps your hubby was trying to add insult to your ovulashits by fucking with you?
So what you're telling me is that if I feed my dog an avocado pit my troubles will be over? Thanks for the tip!
I'm with your dog, I hate mushrooms too. Hope you are feeling better.
LOL, my dog won't eat mushrooms (unless the are on top of a pizza) either (or tortilla chips w/out cheese melted on them... that pretty much sums up what she won't eat. It is funny the sounds that make them run to the kitchen. If I unwrap a slice of cheese, she hears it and comes running. Go figure!
Ahh, poop. My favorite subject. I hope the pit came out the other end or didn't go in the top end at all. Sorry you're having trouble getting knocked up but might I suggest taking one of my kids? Great.
I envy you. I have always envisioned that whilst I lay dying, oozing from the butt and throat, that my husband pops his head in and says "By the way, hon, the dog ate a peach pit." ::gigglesnort::
My granddaughter came to visit last night. well - I'm actually blogging about it, so won't write it twice, but I tell you, the diahrea/puke virus is evil!
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